I've been thinking a lot lately about something I've saved since I was a girl. It must have had a profound impact on me because I've saved it for nearly 3o years now.
I was struck lately by the old saying - the more things change the more they remain the same, so I thought I'd put it out here for your review and comments...
What if it Were a Woman's World?
Close your eyes and keep them closed while I describe an imaginary world. In this world we are entering, "woman" is the generic term for humanity. "Man" is obviously included in "woman" just as we know that when we use the word "woman" we often mean men also. Sense the meaning of this basic fact of language to you - as a woman or as a man.
Think of it always being this way, every day of your life. Feel the ever-presence of woman and feel the non-presence of man. Absorb what it tells you about the importance and value of being woman - of being man.
Recall that everything you have ever read all your life uses only female pronouns - she, her - meaning both boys and girls, both men and women. Recall that most of the voices on radio and most of the faces on TV are women's especially when important news events are covered. Recall that you have one male senator representing you in Washington.
Consider the fact that women are the leaders, the power-centers, the prime movers. Man, wose natural role is husbandman, father, fulfills himself through nurturing children and making the home a refuge for woman. This is only natural to balance the biological role of woman who devotes her whole body to the race during pregnancy; the most revered power known to woman - and man of course.
Recognize the obvious biological explanation for woman as the ideal: her genital construction. By design, female genitals are compact and internal, protected by the body. Male genitals are exposed, so exposed that he must be protected from outside attack to assure the perpetuation of the race. His vulnerability obviously requires sheltering.
Thus, by nature, man is more passive than woman and has the desire in sexual relationships to be symbolically engulfed by the protective of the woman. Males psychologically yearn for this protection, fully realizing their masculinity at this time and feeling exposed and vulnerable at other times. A man experiences himself as "wholeman" when thus engulfed.
If the male denies these feelings, he is unconsciously rejecting his masculinity. Therapy is thus indicated to help him adjust to his own nature. Of course, therapy is administered by a woman who has the education and wisdom to facilitate openness leading to the male's growth and self-actualization.
But perhaps this is forcing a biological and psychological argument too far - after all, it was woman who invented these theories of femininity and masculinity. Perhaps we should not be surprised that they legitimate the way things are. Let us look at our own experience. If you are a man, remember that when you were born they said "a boy... ohh." Remember that when you were little, the books you read had sotries of girls doing exciting things while the boys watched or cried or needed help. When you watched TV, you saw a female Captain Marvel, a female Captain Kangaroo, and Superwoman. By the age of 4, according to a Harvard study, you probably wanted to be a girl.
Your mother went to work every day and you were with your father all day. His schedule revolved around the time when your mother would come home from work. He did things like housework and laundry in the morning so that he'd have plenty of time in the afternoon to prepare dinner and take a leisurely bath and change into some fresh clothing to he would be clean and refreshed for your mother. Somehow you get the idea that your mother was more important than your father.
IN church, Jesus and God were females, the minister was a female, the ushers were females. You sang songs like "Rise Up Oh Women of God", and heard sermons about sisterhood, and if you asked, you were told that words like "women" and "sisterhood" included you too, even if the didn't sound like it.
You were allowed to play active games, but not as much as your sister and people smiled indulgently and called you a "tomgirl". Your father talked to you about the time you would grow up and be a daddy just like him.
When you went to high school, your counselor steered you toward a secretarial course, or if you went to college you took nursing, education, or social work, the three man's professions; or something else that would fit in with caring for your future wife and family. If you were interested in something like math or science, you were made to feel abnormal and discouraged from a "female" profession.
You had trouble when you applied for a job because they said you would just get married and quit when you had children. If you wife goes through the pregnancy and childbirth, the least you could do is take care of the children! Or they said you would be absent a lot - male troubles you know, like ulcers and heart attacks... and you make such a big deal about being sick. They made sure you could type before they hired you, and you settled for a salary which was less than you female colleagues got even though they did the same work. You began to dislike your job, since it was clear that it was women who were encouraged to seek promotion while you were passed over.
You got married. You changed your name to your wife's name so that everyone would know you were taken. You stopped working and joined the men's club at church where you found an outlet for your creative energies.
Your unhappiness increased like you weren't all there, and you were not all you could be. You were vaguely dissatisfied. You were restless and bored, but you told yourself that you should be happy. You read Houshusband magazines to find an answer. They suggested needlepoint and offered any number of articles and checklists on how to get and hold your woman. You read Larry Landers' column. You felt out of sorts with yourself and felt guilty that you weren't satisfied with your lucky life. You finally consulted a doctor and she gave you a good checkup, pronounced you physically fit and prescribed tranquilizers to calm your nerves.
You went to talk to Reverend Jane. She subtly urged you to accept your male role and suggested some ways of being more masculine which would satisfy your wife more. You went to a psychiatrist and she told you the same things, only it cost more money.
And now, all of you readers, men and women alike - is there anything in this situation that you think needs changing? What is it? How would you go about bringing (about) those changes?
JFR/mrk
9/76