Right. Someone has to do it, and I'm just bored enough to be the one. Based on comments from
this diary, we need a Kos light bulb joke. Because we are Kossacks, it should be a list, because, being progressives/liberals/Democrats/whatEVER, we are inclusive. no?
The joke:
How many Kossacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Update [2005-8-28 15:11:58 by LynnS]:
Current answer:
At least 219 Kossacks, one skinny female right-wing pundit, and one Fox News reporter
(That's one mo-fo of a light bulb, apparently...)
(first, from the original diary's comments)
--One to screw it in, obviously.
--One to blog about it.
--One to comment on the blog.
--One to call Armando an asshole.
--One to say, "That's not funny!"
--One to research the least abusive corporate chain to buy it from.
(and now my additions)
--One to check the bulb for a union label.
--One Kongressional Kossack to call for support for his/her unofficial hearing on how the Bush Administration failed to safeguard the supply of light for the area, despite clear warnings from the super that the bulb was about to burn out.
--One to live blog the CSPAN-3 coverage of the hearing, held in the Kongressional Kossack's condo association basement because the Congressional Republican leadership won't give him/her a space.
--One to criticise Kos for not owning his leadership position on light bulb change.
--One to sneer at hippies for preferring candles to light bulbs when it's obvious we need more wattage than that.
--One to call for donations-plus-$0.01 to the Light Bulb Replacement Fund...
(added from comments)
--One to ask what the .01 on the donation amount is for...
--...And at least three to answer in quick succession.
(/comments>
--One to check the bag for a Walmart receipt.
--One to transcribe the White House gaggle in which Scotty McClellan refuses to answer questions about the light bulb outage, because "it's under investigation."
(and now, from your comments here)
--One to complain about the packaging of the bulb for being too revealing and commodifying of lightbulbs.
--At least three to post cute pictures of their pets, lest the multitudes grow angstful amongst all this lightbulb-changing.
--9 Kossacks to post diaries about the lightbulb in quick succession...
---and a Fox news reporter just in case it is a white lightbulb and goes missing.
--Five to ten to write GBCW Diaries because they disagreed with various fine points of the process including but not exclusive to using a "GE" lightbulb; it was not flourescent; it was flourescent; the ladder was wood; the ladder was not wood; the light source in question may not have been trully necessary; they light source in question was imperative to the "mission"; someone said a prayer; no one said a prayer...
--One to huff at Nader for demanding a recall of the unsafe candle.
--One skinny, faux-babe-like, possibly formerly male right-wing female pundit to write a column about it, misquoting and misrepresenting comments to prove that "all liberals are afraid of the dark!" (OK, I altered this one a little.)
--One to accuse hippies of being unrealistic in their gentle twisting of the light bulb, when we all know only a hard turn will get the bastard in...
--...And one to accuse moderates of not twisting to the left hard enough...
--...And one to point out the obvious logical inconsistency in the methodology, since no one here turns to the right.
--15 to troll rate a Freeper that came over to hurl insults and question our patriotism for not using a General Electric bulb.
--9 to give the light bulb changer a 4 for having a great idea...
--...And one to rate it a 3.
--One to link to a [John Tierney?--L] NYT Op pointing out the hypocrisy of Kossacks using incandescent instead of power saving flourescent.
(a bunch from brainwave)
--One to diary how the light going out in the first place was a conspiracy by Rove to keep us all in the dark (a coverup!).
--One to suggest the old light bulb was sabotaged to protect and further the interests of the State of Israel.
--One to tout incontrovertible proof that the changing of the light bulb had been rigged.
--DHinMI to post an awesome rant about these last three diaries, entitled "Is dKos getting dimmer?"
--One to thereupon post a diary pointing out that while conspiracy theories do suck, it is legitimate and indeed vital for progressives to demand paper trails in all future light bulb replacements.
--At least two to fight over whether DLC types rushed to change the bulb so as to not appear weak on light bulb changes.
(awesome, brainwave!)
--Darksyde to explain the quantum physics behind why the heated tungsten filament emits light in the visible spectrum.
--One to start a new blog after the change, "Seeing the Light."
--One to start diary on the discussion flaming the light bulb changer for using a 75 Watt when a 40 watt Tungstun would do.
--One to write the 5 line diary entitled, "BREAKING!!!!!! Kossacks successfully screw in lightbulb!!!! Room bathed in incandescent glow!!!!"
(a bunch from ChaosMouse)
--At least 5 to point out that in this country, people have very unequal access to light bulbs, and what can we do about it?
--One to post a diary about the lack of light facing our troops in Iraq.
--One to start a thread snarking about how GWB has never changed a lightbulb in his life, the dimwit.
--One to point out that its very ironic that GWB doesn't know how to change a lightbulb, being as his family made a lot of money in the illegal lightbulb trade.
--One to make a lightbulb reference from some obscure movie or tv show...
--...resulting in at least 2 more posting that they appreciate the joke...
--...and at least 2 others posting that they don't get it.
(Two squeaks up, ChaosMouse!)
--One to write "Goodbye cruel kos!" for not having his/her previous 5 diaries detailing the screwing in of the light bulb recommended.
--One to post statistics about the expected lifetime of different brands of light bulbs in an effort to educate the masses as to which brand should be chosen as its replacement.
(a bunch from JLongs)
--Maryscott O'Connor to post a profanity-laced rant of outrage on the inability of the administration to make sure one god-damned mother fucking light bulb stays lit.
--Armando to threaten to delete any diaries that speculate that there is a neo-con light bulb conspiracy against progressives.
--Bill in Portland Maine to cheer everyone working on the light bulb issue.
--Pastor Dan to offer prayers to the deity of your choice that the light may stay lit.
--JLongs to post a diary about books written about light bulbs, complete with links and pretty pictures.
(tsk, shameless diary whoring, JLongs. ;) )
--One to post a diary about why our decision to change the light bulb will cost us the '08 election.
--One (oodsDay Abidesyay) to do an outrageous and absolutely objectionable but profoundly funny photoshop of the lightbulb screwing in the President's hiney.
(a bunch from mungley)
--One to disparage the light bulb studies set.
--2 to defend the light bulb studies set.
--One to say that just because someone made a comment about light bulb studies, he isn't against light bulbs.
--57 to each come down on both sides of that argument.
--One to say that though he respects light bulbs and sees the value in light bulb studies, he still admires the supple curves of the light bulb and encourages its naked incandescence.
--One to say that this is why Hillary Clinton should not run for President.
--8 to say that this is why Hillary SHOULD run.
--2 to mention that Wesley Clark is the only political figure who really understands light bulbs because he's changed them himself.
--One to question why our political leaders are not challenging their own children to change light bulbs, while lower income and minority children are practically railroaded into light bulb changing.
(good show, mungley!)
--One to complain that it should have been done according to union rules and that it should have been a labor union job with 3 union members doing the job...
--...And one more to complain that that's just buying into the MSM frames about union rules.
--One to fill out the 27b-6.
(a bunch from Todd Johnston)
--One to post a diary that stays on the recommended list all day entitled "Why I'm not quitting over the lightbulb fiasco."
--One to ask for a summary of just the really important bulb changing points.
--Three to provide links to web sites that covered lightbulb changing last week.
--One to check the old bulb, new bulb, and socket for listening devices.
--One to post "Great diary! n/t" with a link to contribute to ePluribus Media.
--One to comment that it's too late in the season to plant lilies but echinacea should do well. [paging Frankenoid!--L]
--Six to point out the diarist was talking about light bulbs.
--Another to provide a link to a good online organic nursery.
--One to ask if John Conyers might be willing to help us change the bulb.
--One to suggest that changing the bulb was an implicit endorsement for nuclear power.
(and The Todd scores)
--At least 15 to argue about the ecological merits of both the bulb choice and the source of electricity.
--One to set up a page at CafePress to sell items commemorating the changing of the light bulb.
--One to design the logo that will go on all those nifty items.
--One to point out that Markos should have thought of this first and placed the items for sale at The Daily Kos Store.
--Dood Abides to post a diary of topical limericks on the changing of lightbulbs, of which six will be about this diary
--eighteen Kossacks to respond with haikus, seventeen of which will not follow the rules
--Jerome a Paris to write a very erudite diary showing how the whole problem is the result of Alan Greenspan's tenure at The Fed
I'm sure you have more, and I know I do, but this is what I have right now. I'll update this diary to include yours, and more of mine as I think of them.
And I'll leave you with my own Tin Foil Hattie take on all light bulb jokes:
Why bother with a light bulb when PEAK OIL is on the way and there won't be any more electricity soon anyway! THE BIG DARK IS COMING, SHEEPLE! DEAL WITH IT!