OK,
I'm feeling much better now.
I was worried for a bit there, but now I can honestly say I feel much betOH SWEET JESUS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT COMING RIGHT FOR US?
O'REILLY: The secular progressive movement would like to have marriage abolished, in my opinion. They don't want it, because it is not diverse enough. You know, that's what this gay marriage thing is all about. But now, you know, the poly-amorphous marriage, whatever they call it, you can marry 18 people, you can marry a duck, I mean --
LIS WIEHL (co-host): A duck? Quack, quack.
O'REILLY: Well, why, you know, if you're in love with the duck, who is the society to tell you you can't do that?
If there was one person on the face of this planet who I would really, really advise to keep his personal fetish laundry list private, it would be Bill O'Reilly. I have no possible explanation for the conservative notion that if we allow gay people to get married, it will lead to duck orgies. Other than to observe that some people spend waaaaaay too much time thinking about these things. Dear Diary, the typical conservative self-reflective tome will read. Today, my marriage was destroyed when my wife bought our daughter a pet duckling as an Easter present. It all started when...
OK. That's OK. Deep breaths, go to your quiet plaOH FOR THE LOVE OF MERCIFUL GOD, MAKE IT STOP!
War memorials should memorialize war. If you want peace and understanding and healing and good will toward all, go build Kabbalah centers...
...A proper war memorial stirs to anger and action. We all remember passenger Todd Beamer's last heard words as he and his fellow Americans prepared to take back the plane from al Qaeda's killers, don't we?
No, the phrase wasn't "Let's meditate." It was "Let's roll."
And the monument should play Toby Keith songs at volumes capable of disintegrating small birds that wander onto the site! And there should be a statue of George Bush with laser eye beams! And it should look like a giant penis peeing towards Mecca! And Ann Coulter should hork up half-digested sewer rats onto each ninety-third visitor! And if the fall foliage turns the color of communist islamomarxomichaelmoorofascists, we'll nuke the Pennsylvania countryside until it glows! And how dare the families of the victims want something understated and tasteful! Those corpses belong to us! US, dammit! They hate America! They hate America!
Aaaaagh! I'm not better yet! Open Thread! Open Thread!