The late-night crew hammers away at President Bush. Can't imagine why...
"Bush is keeping track of Hurricane Rita as it hits his home state of Texas. That's Bush's worst nightmare: an electric chair with no power."
"Hurricane Rita is supposed to make landfall in Texas, which is good for Barbara Bush because she can insult survivors closer to home."
"Yesterday President Bush made his fifth visit to the area that received the most damage from Hurricane Katrina. In other words, the White House."
"The president believes the government should be limited not in size, Jon, but in effectiveness. In terms of effectiveness, this is the most limited government we've ever had."
--Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry
"Now here's some sad information coming out of Washington. According to reports, President Bush may be drinking again. And I thought, `Well, why not? He's got everybody else drinking.'"
Bottoms up. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Note: Are you Bianca?
By the Numbers:
Days `til Halloween: 34
Days `til the Senate vote on John Roberts: 2
Number of men who played organized football as kids: 1 in 2
Number of men who played high school football: 5 in 9
(Source: Men's Health)
Number of troops currently in Iraq: Approx. 147,000
(Source: Washington Post)
Number of professional mimes serving in the Green Zone: 0
Your Puppy Pic of the Day Rusty: "Don't bullshit me...I know it's not safe to come out yet.
CHEERS to shouts and shoe leather. By all accounts (even the---gasp!---media's), the march on Washington was a big success. It was the largest peace rally since the Vietnam era (over 100,000 patriotic Americans took part, including a Kos contingent), and protestors around the world followed our lead. The pro-war crowd had their own rally Sunday, where they highlighted all the weapons of mass destruction that've been found. They were back home in time for breakfast.
CHEERS to not living up to our expectations. Okay, Chertoff, Bush and Cheney, now you can say it: with Rita damage lighter than expected, we "dodged a bullet." As usual, the parking meters survived unscathed. They always do.
CHEERS to quick thinking (via the Weather Channel). Around 5am Saturday, the owner of the Holiday Inn in Sulphur, Louisiana noticed that the hurricane-force winds had shifted, threatening the untouched back windows of the hotel. He quickly alerted the guests to put their mattress up against the windows to keep them from shattering. Result: only 3 windows were lost. The guy also has a sense of humor: when told by a Weather Channel reporter that it was a shame his big sign had been blown down, he casually responded, "Yeah, but we needed to change it anyway." That's the spirit.
JEERS to burning the horseman at the stake. Former FEMA fuckup Michael Brown will have his buttocks removed today when he testifies before a House committee on the response to Hurricane Katrina. Once his incompetence is formally entered into the record, he'll accept a new job...as a consultant for FEMA. No, you cannot make this stuff up.
CHEERS to flat-lining. After viewing the grainy VHS of recent news accounts, we believe Bill Frist's political career is in a persistent vegetative state with little chance of recovery. Anyone know where we should send the flowers?
P.S. Once again, Billmon conjures the perfect visual exclamation point. You mind if Senator Lott shares your porch, Doc?
CHEERS to emptying out the Vatican. Pope Ratzinger the Creepy wants to root out homosexuality in the priesthood, eh? Then perhaps we should start by outing all of his gay cardinals and bishops. Step 1: Look under their mattresses.
CHEERS to Pastor Dan & Co. They're furiously cleaning house next door in anticipation of new visitors. From this week's Newsweek (their Blogwatch section):
Dailykos.com, one of the leading lefty blogs, recently launched streetprophets.com, billed as "an exploration of religion and values from the perspective of the Left."
By the way, don't get cute in the comments. Yesterday Jesus started an open thread with "First? Frist??" and was promptly banned.
JEERS to 1-to-28 kill ratios. The Defense Department (motto: "At Least We're Not FEMA") says al Qaeda's #2 guy in Iraq was blasted to bits by U.S. troops Sunday. Unfortunately, if you keep reading this CNN account, you'll also see that 9 Iraqi police recruits, 6 Iraqi teachers, 10 Iraqi civilians and---in the 26th paragraph---3 U.S. soldiers were also killed. Not exactly what I'd call a fair trade.
CHEERS to the revolutionary dissenters. Happy birthday, Sam Adams---born 283 years ago today. Among his pearls of wisdom: "It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds" and "Mankind are governed more by their feelings than by reason." Pay your respects here. Then toast him with a...um...how `bout a Sam Adams?
JEERS to packin' up the Union Jack. Britain's message to Iraq and its American occupiers: "Yes, well, it's been jolly good fun I can tell you. But, you see, the thing is...how to put this politely...we're sort of getting sick and tired of dealing with rebellious chaps who would rather cut our balls off than sit down for a spot of tea and kippers. Most uncivilized, of course, but there it is. So have fun, Yanks, we're getting the hell out of here. Ta Ta!"
CHEERS to the Neuter-in-Chief. According to the Washington Post, Laura Bush is telling King George to be a little more metrosexual by laying off the swagger. Steve Soto has the smackdown:
Hell, the press is making Bush out to be a cartoon character who needs to go to a military base to regain his image, while top Republicans are openly blaming Laura Bush for neutering her husband. To top it off, and as we have been saying for awhile now, this same top Republican says that team around Bush was never really that good to begin with; they only appeared good because the Democrats were so worthless.
And now it's happened. It must be fun around the house now, with a top Republican saying openly that Laura's got Bush's balls in her pocket. If Skippy wasn't drinking before, he is now.
Yeah, we've heard.
JEERS to The Nazi reference of the week (via Atrios). Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee has a special message for his young daughter: Democrats = the Nazis who exterminated millions of Jews during World War II. Naturally our side took what he said out of context. What he meant was, Democrats = the Nazis who exterminated the Jews during World War II. Big difference.
JEERS to hanging up the shoe phone. Three-time Emmy winner Donald James Yarmy, aka Don Adams, aka Maxwell Smart, aka Agent 86 from Get Smart, has died at 82. To prevent classified information from reaching the ears of KAOS agents, his eulogy will be delivered under the Cone of Silence. When the DVDs come out next year, we'll be first in line.
CHEERS to Stalag 13. Today is Christmas for C&J as Season 2 of Hogan's Heroes arrives on DVD loaded with extras. If that's not your bowl of strudel, you can dive into the See-ment pond with season one of The Beverly Hillbillies. Or you can settle down with the animated Robots. We understand it's a Focus on the Family training film.
One Year Ago in C&J: September 27, 2004...
JEERS to the same old same old. Porter Goss takes the oath as new CIA director. By his own admission, "I am not qualified. I don't have the language skills. I, you know, my language skills were romance languages and stuff. We're looking for Arabists today. I don't have the cultural background probably. And I certainly don't have the technical skills." Wow...looks like this'll be a seamless transition from Tenet.
CHEERS to walking the walk. Britain's Prince Harry has been accepted at the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst as an officer cadet. He could see action in Iraq in less than a year. Your move, Bush twins.
And just one more...
CHEERS to doffing your duds for world peace. Baring Witness is a global partnership of men and women who create words of peace with their bodies. At the next D.C. rally, C&J'ers will stretch out on the Mall like this. Won't we?
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"Cheers and Jeers may be a sign of personal virtue, but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy."
May 1, 2001