In what very well may be the biggest understatement since my last girlfriend said "I'm starting to get tired of your bullshit," The Decider and his trusty sidekick The Boy Blunderer finally saw fit to acknowledge what the rest of us have been
screaming for several years:
British Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush acknowledged that the war in Iraq hasn't gone as smoothly as they had hoped...
The Dynamic Duo also were willing to admit to other blindingly obvious insights, such as "gravity makes things go down" and "We are a pack of viciously incompetent twits."
As far as the notion that Iraqi troops will be able to stand on their own by the end of 2007, Blair made quite the ironic comment:
Blair said that was a possibility, but he and Bush concurred that it will be left to the "commanders on the ground" to decide when Iraqi troops are ready to take over security duties.
By which they probably mean that they'll be briefed about the situation and then consult their main consultant--a Magic 8-Ball.
Seriously people. How can Bush expect us to believe that "THIS time, honest and for true, no foolin', cross my heart and hope to die, we'll listen to our commanders"? More troops, more funding, a better plan--scratch that, ANY fucking plan at all; these were all things the "commanders" asked for, and look where we are now.
Regarding his trip to Baghdad, Blair said, "I came away thinking the challenge is still immense, but I also came away more certain than ever that we should rise to it."
Blair added, "I think it's easy to go back over mistakes that we may have made, but the biggest reason why Iraq has been difficult is the determination by our opponents to defeat us."
See?? I knew it! It wasn't massive incompetence, faulty intelligence, lies, manipulation, and a lack of a plan after all!
It was those pesky natives who resented us coming in and destroying the stability of their country! They're being totally unreasonable. I love the rationalization of Tag Team of Idiocy that is Bush and Blair.
Blame the people we invaded for why we're still there. I'd applaud you, but I'm too busy tearing my hair out of my scalp.
Bush shared some of his regrets in how he handled the war in Iraq, namely that he wishes he hadn't told the terrorists to "bring it on."
"I think in certain parts of the world it was misinterpreted,"
Bush said, adding that he has learned how to express himself in a more "sophisticated" manner.
See, what he REALLY meant was "DON'T bring it on."
Easy to see how the rest of the world would misconstrue such similar statements.
As for expressing himself in a sophisticated manner...
I haven't the words.
CNN's European political editor Robin Oakley must have had more than just vodka in his morning OJ, because these statements make me want to scour my eyes with bleach, steel wool and a variety of caustic liquids to get the bullshit out:
"If [Bush and Blair] had just repeated the same old line that they did everything right, I don't think they would have won respect anywhere. What we saw at this news conference was a kind of group therapy for the two of them. And they say confession is good for the soul."
Hey, you know what else is good for the soul?
NOT SENDING PEOPLE TO DIE.
More of Robin's nonsense:
"So we had President Bush saying some of his macho language had been wrong. We had Tony Blair acknowledging they had underestimated the determination of the insurgency. We had both of them saying 'we didn't' find those weapons of mass destruction we expected to find.'
See, they didn't HAVE to "admit" that they didn't find the weapons of mass destruction, because they WEREN'T EVEN THERE.
It's not an admission when everyone already knows the truth. It's like a little kid standing over a broken vase with a baseball bat saying "I didn't do it!" over and over and over, and then expecting a fucking cookie when the little shit finally admits to what the parents already know.
Fucking kids.
So, what's in store for the caped crusaders next? Will Bush and Blair emerge triumphant in the face of dwindling approval ratings? Will the people of the United States finally get some answers about illegal spying programs? Will The Decider stop destroying our freedoms?
Tune in next week!
Same Bush-time, same Bush-channel.