Do you ever wonder if you know too much, think too much, worry too much? I've been thinking for some time now, what is the price of education and would I take it all back, give all that I know back for a little peace of mind? Today the answer is yes.
I don't want to know how many people's lives are in danger because of U.S. foreign policy.
I don't want to weep at night for dead Iraqis or the desperate people of Darfur (and all of Africa for that matter).
I don't want to think about how many kids right here in the U.S. go to bed hungry.
I don't want to lay awake at night worried that the America I once knew is crumbling all around me.
I want my head to be like it used to be before I went to college, got some global perspective, before I read Chomsky or watched the evening news. I want to go back to the days when the worst thought I had was that my boss was a dick, back when what worried me most was finding a girlfriend.
What has higher education given me, really? Debt as far as the eye can see, a degree that seems to hold no weight, and a brain that aches with fatigue by midday from thinking, thinking, thinking.
Today, I want to be stupid. I don't want to know the things I know or worry about that which I cannot control. With education, experience, knowledge, comes a certain kind of depression and cynicism. Even as I did everything in my meager power to prevent this Iraq war debacle, I knew it would happen and how bad it would be. Even as I worked my ass off on the Dean for America campaign, I knew enough to know that the Dems would never let him take the reigns, yet I did all I could to push that cynicism back and believe it could happen.
Is hope, optimism, and faith a virtue only the stupid people can enjoy? If so, sign me up. I'll give back the degrees if I can sleep at night. I'll roll back my IQ if it meant I no longer know what I know because I no longer want to know it. It has done me no good, lent me no solace, offered me no advantage in the world.
Today, I just want to be stupid. I want to walk around with a big dopey grin on my face just because the sun is shining and my cat did something silly. I want to go buy a lotto ticket believing lightening will strike me and I'll get rich and never have to worry another day in my life. I don't want to know just how small and insignificant I am or how hopeless my causes seem to be. I just want the bliss that supposedly comes from ignorance.