Perhaps I am naïve, but it seems like the women that drive me craziest are the ones that act like women in beer ads; objects of lust and sexual preoccupation. In a modern society, I despise how we separate ourselves by gender and then complain we can’t understand one another. We buy books and read magazine articles such as “How to get your man to notice your shoes” or “Men are from Mars, Women are from the Galaxy of Alpha Curvaceous”. It’s all a complete pile of bovine waste matter. Perhaps if we could set aside our mental queries about what the other one looks like without clothes, we can start to communicate in way that stimulates our brains as much or more than it does our genitalia.
As you must have realized, my first suggestion to the gender-challenged Americans (which means everybody except for Cher and Michael Jackson, because God only knows what gender they are) is communication. However, there is still the matter of setting aside our sexual preoccupations and frustrations and I think I have the solution; one that has plagued our Puritan ancestors since the first American-born Puritan child was excited by the sight of a woman’s bare shoulder: Nudity!
In Europe nudity is commonplace, but American TV is more sexual. How can that be? Well, Americans sexualize everything, and tantalize you without showing anything!
Perhaps if nudity was more commonplace, we wouldn’t be so inhibited, and television and movies so dumbed down. Imagine heading to a bar and seeing everyone naked? Imagine that woman or man you are mentally undressing on the train is already undressed? Well over time, we’ll get used to it, and get over our inhibitions, and start communicating like the Homosapiens we really are. Sure it will be uncomfortable for the first few years, but hey, this is something we have to do!
Now I realize a woman reading this may find this benefits men. I mean, we all know men will take their clothes off if you provide them with enough booze or if you ASK THEM! But women are far more reluctant to show off their bodies, unless you put a camera on them and then it is flashy flashy time!
But seriously, it is women’s bodies that are what fascinates us all, consumes us, and brings in ticket sales! Maybe society would benefit if men weren’t distracted by a women in a low cut outfit, and maybe society would benefit if men couldn’t hide their lack of manhood by buying fuel inefficient sports cars and SUVs. Often our clothes serve to portray a mysterious sensuality about ourselves, but what they really do is block us from our natural state, where we were uninhibited and worked to build our society and live in peace and harmony. Shoot, don’t you think construction would be done quicker if men weren’t eyeballing everything in a skirt? Maybe our politicians would start coming up with real ideas if they weren’t preoccupied with hiring young interns and hitting on waitresses on Capitol Hill. Maybe those terrorists in nations where all you see is a women’s eyes wouldn’t be lining up to blow themselves up for the hope they will see some naked women in the afterlife. And maybe, just maybe, if American men saw women naked on a regular basis, they would be distracted from the concept of blowing the crap out of other nations for economic gain.
Some religious folks may oppose my idea because it is indecent. I ask them, which is more indecent: A naked woman walking down the street, or a Minister’s daughter in a skimpy bathing suit, rubbing down a car, and grinding on the drivers side door like a male dog on Carmen Electra’s leg?
Want to get rid of the demand for internet porn, want to get rid of the awkwardness of revealing that excess cellulite you are afraid to show when you decide to sleep with that special someone for the first time, want ‘Girls Gone Wild’ to go out of business? Here is your chance. Nudity reflects an honesty that we lack in our society. We lie to ourselves about our appearance, and try to hide our flaws and flaunt our strengths, due to the manufactured shame of some unwritten standard drawn up by the mass media.
Children going through puberty are confused about what is happening to their bodies and the bodies of their fellow classmates, and they often turn to pornography or early sexual experiences to indulge their curiosity. Maybe if they weren’t so preoccupied with the sight of a bra strap, they could concentrate on math and science and learn to speak English without using irritating stumble words, and like, learn something, um, ya know, I mean, like learn stuff.
This is just an opinion, but probably a good one. If you want me to explain more, I’ll be naked on the beach until the cops come to take me away.