Richmond, Virginia -- May 22, 2006
Harris Miller's camapign has rolled out new yard signs with great fanfare. The yard sign is a campaign graphic calling card; they are ubiquitous, even more so than bumper stickers. They can be used in large numbers at events like Shad Planking, massing thousands of them to make a powerful visual impact, or they can be deployed individually by a homeowner proud to endorse a candidate. The choice of the design utilized for a campaign's yard sign speaks volumes about the candidate.
"We are proud to unveil our new campaign yard sign," Senate hopeful Harris Miller announced last week. "We have chosen a solid white field as being most representative of what I stand for--the white banner has always been a symbol of purity, the Kingdom of France, and--of course--abject surrender."
When asked to clarify his statements Miller did not hesitate: "The only way we can defeat the ultra-right wing in Congress is by giving them exactly what they want. The Republican Party hardly ever attacks those that surrender to it." Pressed for an example Miller explained that his support of key Republican policies on tax cuts, the war in Iraq, outsourcing American jobs, union busting, and the appointment of right-wing ideologues to key positions in the Justice Department and Judiciary had made him basically immune to Republican attacks. "Attacking me would be like attacking one of their own!" he exclaimed gleefully.
"Listen," Miller declared, "The Republican Party has already begun attacking Jim Webb. Republican trackers follow Jim Webb everywhere. I should know, because my trackers follow Jim Webb everywhere too." Miller then noted that Republican trackers seldom bothered to track him. "It's about respect: they respect the fact that I'm virtually indistinguishable from a Republican on every major issue of any importance this year."
Harris Miller isn't afraid to wave the white flag at George Allen
Miller was then asked about the significance of yard signs in a campaign. "A candidate's yard sign is his battle flag!"
"When it comes to tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy, I'll wave the white flag!"
"When it comes to the War in Iraq, I'll wave the white flag!"
"When the Republicans want to outsource American jobs, bust unions and lower the minimum wage to a dollar-a-day, I'll wave the white flag!"
"When George W. Bush tries to pack the judiciary with right-wing activists, I won't be too brave or too principled to completely roll-over and give him what he wants."
Miller concluded with a ringing declaration: "On June 13th I am asking Virginia's Democrats to line up and march behind my white flag to certain defeat!" Miller then promised to negotiate a surrender agreement that would keep most Virginia Democrats out of the Guantanamo Bay detention center: "I'll see what I can do, but no promises."