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Dear Aunt Mabel,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing you from the Christmas frontlines, currently in front of Cinnabon at Twin Oaks Mall. May Jesus and Santa forgive me, but I have to say that this is the worst I've ever seen it.

What a horrible place, the mall. The architecture of these things is all the same. Malls are the architectural scat of the biggest American colossus, corporate capitalism -- a cogs-and-bricks-and-money giant that thunders, three miles high, across the landscape, stopping and squatting occasionally to crap out one of these rectangular jumbles of cement block. May Jesus forgive them for sucking so bad.

I have some sad news -- John has been in an accident. It was his first day here, and we were eating lunch in the food court, in front of the Peppy Peppy Pizza. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a lady carrying three bags stop in her tracks, like she saw someone she knew.  She raised a hand, and shouted it, right there in the middle of the mall. "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!"

The carnage was bad. Real bad. I'm sorry to say John wasn't prepared to hear it, and he accidentally stabbed himself repeatedly in the eye with a plastic fork.

The doctors say he'll be fine, but he'll lose that eye.  Even in his sleep he's mumbling Merry Christmas, over and over. He's a damn fighter, that one. He's one of the lucky ones, because I'm pretty sure some other people got trampled in the rush to get out.

This whole war has been a nightmare. I was at Circuit City yesterday, looking for a cheap DVD player. Out front they had a "Happy Holidays" banner that must have been in letters three feet high. I stepped under it, may Jesus forgive me, because I knew I had to get in there, but inside was no better. Some damn wreaths, here and there, and lots of lights, but no tree. I swear to God, no Christmas tree at all -- I looked everywhere. It was like being in Iraq or something.

I stumbled around with the rest of the shoppers. Everyone was in a daze, bumping into each other. I don't think any of us knew what to do, except just keep shopping, but I could tell everyone was thinking what I was. But I wasn't ready to see the DVD player prices, and I lost it.

"FIFTEEN FUCKING PERCENT OFF?", I shouted. (Sorry for the language. This war has screwed us all up) -- "FIFTEEN FUCKING PERCENT?  WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CELEBRATING THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR HERE, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS A FUCKING FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF?"

I knew then that I was among heathens, and I dropped all the DVDs and batteries and stuff that I had scooped up, and just left. I swear, some days I don't understand what this war is even about.

Over and over it's the same. Every damn store. Some of them just say "Happy Holidays" out front, and I don't even go in. Most say Merry Christmas, but even then, it rings hollow. If they really were celebrating Jesus, they'd have more lights. The music would be louder. The giant inflatable snowmen would be bigger, and there'd be more of them. There was one place that had a little nativity scene, and that was cool, but the baby Jesus was laying in a manger and instead of straw, they had little optical fibers that glowed all sorts of different colors. But sometimes it glowed RED, because that was one of the colors in the cycle, and when that happened it looked like they were trying to barbecue the Baby Jesus and I had to leave.

I've seen a lot of pain, on a lot of faces. I know that "Holidays" and "HolyDays" are related, but it's not the same. One has an "I", and one has a "Y". One is about the self, and one is about the Holy Mystery.

Y. Y, indeed.  These damn heathen bastards.

They're making us forget the Y.

I know a guy who ran right off the road, just last week. He was passing a Kentucky Fried Chicken (I know, they call themselves "KFC" now, but that's just so fucking stupid I can't even handle it) and they had on the sign out front, right under the price of a 12-piece family bucket:

"Seasons Greetings"

Dear sweet God. Of course, he ran right off the damn road. Even "Happy Holidays", you can sort of swallow hard and pretend you saw the Y and move on, but "Seasons Greetings?" It doesn't even sound human. It sounds like a brand of instant fucking stuffing.

In fact, that's exactly what it sounds like. A brand of goddamn Satanic turkey stuffing. That's how far we've sunk, as Americans.


Wal-Mart was the best and the worst. Oh sure, they said Merry Christmas. Or maybe it was the guy outside ringing the bell that said Merry Christmas, I'm not sure -- I'm pretty sure the greeter said it too. But they had the DVD player like I was looking for, and at twentyfive bucks each I got two of them so the kids don't have to share.

I had to wait in line about a half hour, but I passed the time by talking to the person behind me in line, who was buying a bunch of clothes and stuff. I let her know which things Jesus would and wouldn't approve of, because I'm pretty good at knowing stuff like that. I thought that the Christmas Tree sweater with the little lights that light up using a teeny battery was pretty damn cool and a pretty good celebration of the Birth of Our Lord, but that I thought the socks had too much blue in them and not enough green. I also told her to make sure to check that the little snowman figurine wasn't made in a communist country, but we couldn't remember if Taiwan counted or not, so I told her it was probably OK, especially at that price.

It was all going OK until i got to the checkout and put everything down. The guy who was checking me out looked funny -- he was polite and cheerful, sure, but something was off about him. As he turned to recheck the price on a twentyfour pack of Rudolph and Frosty paper towels, because I was pretty sure the price was supposed to be sixty cents cheaper than it said, I saw what it was -- he was wearing a yarmulke (Is that how you spell it? Weird, but I looked it up). Seriously, I'm not kidding, right in the middle of the store. What kind of person just rubs his religion right in your face like that?

I was prepared. My mind is always ready for these challenges, and I knew what to do. I waited for him to ring me up, and paid my money, and got my receipt.

"Merry Christmas," I said, experimentally.

"Merry Christmas," he replied cheerfully.

I narrowed my eyes with a snarl, and with all my strength, I hit him as hard as I could with the twentyfour pack of Rudolph and Frosty paper towels.

"What are you doing!?" the person behind me shrieked, lunging over the counter in a really ripping move to prevent the guy from knocking over a bin of $2.99 plastic mini flashlights. "He said Merry Christmas! He said it!"

"But HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!", I shouted as loud as I could. "LOOK AT THE HAT! HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!"

I gathered my bags up, but I was just getting started, and I lit into everyone in the whole store. "CHRISTMAS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT PEACE ON EARTH, ALL YOU GODDAMN COMMUNIST BASTARDS! WHEN WILL YOU GET THAT? PEACE ON EARTH! YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT!" I marched out of the store, head held high. Because all the Wal-Marts in the world, all the Targets, all the Circuit Cities -- they just don't get it. They don't understand.

How long must we be persecuted? Christmas is about Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards All, and how dare the pagan alliance of liberals, non-Christians, hippies and multinational corporations turn this into a damn war zone, where I have to look at every damn sign, and second-guess every greeting, and measure every Christmas tree to make sure that everyone understands that like we do. This is OUR time of year, as Christians, to show the world what Christianity is, and that Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards All isn't some hollow greeting card thing, but is the way we live our lives, and fuck them all if they can't see that. I, for one, will make sure that we understand about Peace On Earth if I have to hit every last damn greeter and fast food teenager and checkout person in America with a paper towel value pack. I'll boycott them all, until every last one of them understands that I am here in the name of Our Lord and Savior to bring PEACE ON EARTH if I have to shove it down every last throat. Especially the damn pagans.


Anyway, I'm so damn glad our church is closed this Sunday for Christmas, I need a break. Best thing they ever did, because you know come Monday, we are all going to need that strength to return oversized sweaters, and fucking ugly placemats, and all that made in China toy crap that breaks the first day. In Jesus' name we'll come back down on those malls and return stuff to celebrate Our Lord and Savior just like in the olden days, and besides it'll be good to have that Sunday to rest and just plug the new DVD players in and stuff.

Hope things are well there. I'll keep fighting, none of us want to leave before this job is done. Tell Uncle Bill I said hi and Merry Christmas and stuff, and that I'll be dead in the cold cold ground before I recognize the goddamn pagan "New Years".

Yours,

Hunter

Originally posted to Daily Kos on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:01 PM PST.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Santa Claus Is A Democrat (4.00)
    Zogby polled it, most Americans by far believe it.
    I've said it before, I'll say it again.
    And what Christ, lamb or lion, would have for the republican pharisees is not something I'd want to watch.

    9/11 + 4 Years = Katrina... Conservatism Kills.

    by NewDirection on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:06:07 PM PST

  •  Happy Hellidays, Hunter... (none)

    Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right

    by darthstar on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:06:40 PM PST

  •  Chain Letter (4.00)
    This would be the best goddamn chain letter of the history of chain letters.  I'd love to send it (via email) to every one I know.  Love it.

    Exact, right on the button, in so many ways.

    "Im not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

    by smugbug on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:08:07 PM PST

    •  I'm doing it (none)
      Right... about... now.

      We seem to have regained our greater collective bite just in time--2006 is the Chinese Year of the Dog...

      by Detroit in Appalachia on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:10:07 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Incredibly accurate (none)
      except for the tiny detail that this guy couldn't possibly have found anything like a DVD player to buy at Walmartthat wasn't made in China (not Taiwan).  Still, this is so on the mark--you rock, Hunter.
      •  I think the most on-the-money (ahem) part (4.00)
        was the comment about buying his two kids each their own DVD player "so they won't have to share."

        My brother-in-law, whom I love dearly but has more money than sense, bought each of his three sons their own color TV sets AND VHS players (this was before the days of DVDs) "so they won't fight over what to watch."

        At the time, his youngest son was 1.

        Within a month, one of the DVDs had been broken by one of the boys who inserted his peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich into the cassette slot. Why? He saw some kid do it on a TV commercial and thought it would be funny.

        The second machine was out of commission in two more months, a victim of a tantrum.

        And they ask me why I don't have kids... and if I miss not having them around this time of year. After all, "Christmas is for children." I wonder why O'Lielly isn't going after the folks who say that. I thought Christmas was a gift to all humanity, not just the ones who frequent big-box stores and wrassle with their fellow men over who gets to take the XBox home so little Johnny won't sulk on Christmas Day.

        •  Don't blame the kids (none)
          for what you just described. It's the parents -- not doing their jobs. One of the most important things parents must begin teaching a child (and believe me, it is a lengthy process) is how to share. If parents don't undertake this responsibility, they will most likely release unto the world a selfish, self-centered adult. Come to think of it, that is probably why we have so many Republicans walking around these days. Their parents never took the time or trouble to properly socialize them when they were children.
    •  Great minds (none)
      I am soooo forwarding this to all my whinging right-wing retired-officer co-workers.

      I've only started babbling about Puritans banning public celebration of this pagan, Popish blasphemy.

      (God I love being Episcopalian)

      •  And the Quakers too were Christmasless (none)
        Santa Claus and Christmas celebrations were first inserted into American life by the Dutch in New York City.

        Therefore we know Santa is a Liberal  (the Dutch as Republicans...nah)

        •  the Dutch aren't Republicans ? (none)
          you obviously have not spent any time in western Michigan.

          Western Michigan...like Indiana, but with a view of the Lake Michigan.

          Freedom does not march. I saw an invasion. I see an occupation. I don't see a war. "Constant war is not a family value." Cindy Sheehan 8/22/05

          by ex republican on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:55:24 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  The Dutch in Holland definitely aren't. (none)
            A few reasons:

            War on drugs? What's that?

            Coffee shops that serve coffee...and a special side dish.

            Red light districts which are totally legal, where pimps and madams are banned, and sex workers are unionized. And they all practice safe sex and are tested weekly for diseases.

            Heineken in Holland is better and stronger than the Heineken they export to the US and Canada.

            XS4ALL.NL is the only ISP that has successfully fought the Scientologist Death Cult.

            Hard drugs are treated as a medical problem, not a law enforcement problem. If you are an addict, the Netherlands National Health Department provides you with clean needles, unadulterated, pharmaceutical grade heroin, and effective treatment to kick whenever you are ready. There are no addicts stealing or mugging to get their fix.

            The Netherlands has traditionally been a haven for political and religious dissidents since the Middle Ages. However, they did kick one religious group out which was stirring up trouble: we know them as the Pilgrim Fathers. They ended up in the US, and have continued to be a headache there since.

            The Netherlands is half below sea level, half barely above sea level. However, their countermeasures against the encroachment of the North Sea and their emergency services system is state-of-the-art. If you want to truly fix the Mississippi Delta problem, talk to the Dutch.

            In spite of their liberal policies with regards to sex and drugs, the drug of choice in the Netherlands remains Heineken and hand-rolled tobacco cigarettes. The latter usually without added herbal refreshment.

            God I love the Dutch.

            2005 was only the beginning.
            Enough Is Enough 2006! It's time for truth.
            Econ: -4.63 Soc: -6.92

            by MamasGun on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 07:18:21 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

          •  Every state has a breeding ground (none)
            for Republicans. In MI it is indeed the west side of the state.

            -6.88/-5.64 Murtha on Bush: "Undermining his credibility? What has he said that would give him credibility?"

            by John West on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 07:47:38 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

          •  My neighbors (none)
            were originally from Holland, Michigan.

            And I thought that being fundamentalist Christians, they were Republicans.  Turns out they're Democrats.  They believe all that stuff in Christ's Sermon on the Mount.  And they think that everyone deserves health care.

            But they admit that they don't fit in in Holland, Michigan any more.

            I was speaking about the Netherlands = Dutch.  The good folk of Holland, Michigan, are Americans.

        •  The Dutch, eh? (none)
          I guess Arlo was right about what was in Santa's pipe....

          I'm not black, but there are times when I wish I could say I'm not white. --Frank Zappa

          by Bob Quixote on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 07:02:08 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

      •  They're still at it (none)
        The major combatants in the War Against Christmas are still other Christians.
    •  Nah...he's just been embedded with elves (4.00)
      too long...

      Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right

      by darthstar on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:12:05 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  My dear... (4.00)
      is there anything you do like? First, you're hating on the Democratic gal (Mary Beth Harrell) who might could win my incredibly right-wing home district, because she has the audacity to be proud of her children in the military; now you're hating on Hunter's drink-spew-inducing letter that nicely skewers my whiny-ass right-wing co-workers.

      When I was 21, I thought the world was dumb, too. But I was still a Republican at that point, so you're ahead of me there. What doesn't happen to strike your fancy, just blow off without comment. What is truly morally offensive, bother to confront. Life's a lot more pleasant that way.

      •  Sorry, I'm quitting smoking (2.40)
        Though Hunter may have potential as a writer, uncritical reception of his output seems to have encouraged unedited outpourings lacking momentum and precision. Satire is itself a vulgar form which requires finesse. I found it tedious.

        If you don't mind, I'll continue, sticking just to the first three paragraphs.  He uses scatology like it is the only available trope. He is imprecise: Can you really vizualize something "that thunders, three miles high, across the landscape?" (Shitting things, of course). It's not easily navigated by the reader:  Who is John, anyway?  I don't even know why he is poking himself with a fork, but I'm not tempted to find out by dime-novel blood-letting. We have a couple of different tones to the narrator: first God-like architecture critic, which inherently conflicts with the tortured "may Jesus forgive" portion of the arranged words, then we are off to the 'ah schucks vernacular at the food court. The frame of the story, a letter to Mabel, doesn't work well when the narrator doesn't speak with a consistent voice. Even the first full thought, "its the worst I've ever seen it," over-promises, with no concrete a reference other than a unfamiliarly-named mall, leaving one to wonder, in the idle time that Hunter isn't communicating, what exactly he is talking about.

        There...I've attempted to be more constructive.

        And sorry about Harrell: at well past twice 21, I'm fed up to the gills with war, the military, the martial ideal, and death.

  •  avoiding the mall during christmas (4.00)
    yet another reason to give thanks for the internet
  •  I was awarded (4.00)
    a purple heart for my service in the War On Christmas.  I got 5 of the enemy at The Gap with my semi-auto Jesus gun.  But they shot back, and I was hit.

    "A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." FDR

    by Belltowner on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:09:12 PM PST

  •  No offense.. (2.14)
    but most religious people are nutcases.  That man needs psychological help pronto.

    Jon Stewart said it best, Christmas and New Year's, just a week apart, are two holy days, where the term Holidays come from.

    Religious people pick and choose the truth to fit their warped realities.

    Season's Greetings:-)

    •  Your slam against (2.55)
      "religious people" was really unnecessary.  I assume you have met all the religious people on Earth, so you know most of them are nutcases?

      You think you are being clever - you're not, you're just being an ignorant jerk.

      We do not rent rooms to Republicans.

      by Mary Julia on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:58:35 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  No offense... (3.25)
      but that was a pretty idiotic statement.

      A gaffe in Washington is when you tell the truth and people act surprised.

      by hotshotxi on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 06:14:14 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Merry Kiss My Ass... (none)
        Religion is responsible for countless wars, holocausts, and slavery.  Christians are the worst and the Catholic church has been the most corrupt institution known to man.  Using the Bible as an excuse, Americans killed off the Native Americans, stole land from Mexico, enslaved Africans, nuked the Japanese and denied civil rights to millions of Americans.  Now these nutcases have taken control of Government to launch an illegal war and obliterated the Constitution and human rights law for God.

        Yeah, God talks to Bush blessed America...not!
        Sorry, I don't drink Kool-Aid!

    •  Religion inspired Schiavo's Feeding Tube Law (none)
      Joe Lieberman Backed DeLay's and Jeb's Florida Feeding Law
      Does anyone remember when Lieberman backed Jeb Bush's law that called for the reinsertion of Teri Schiavo's feeding tube? Or that he supported the death penalty for offenders under 18 at the time of their crimes? That he was willing to work with Bush on social security?

      Memo to Republicans: Take him, he's your's.
      http://talkleft.com/...

      Party Of God  = GOP (it's subliminal...look in the mirror.)

      •  Mother Theresa. (none)
        Now slam that woman, I dare you.

        You have a valid point about religion, but you cross the line slamming "religious" people.  The two are not the same.

        "But your flag decal won't get you into heaven anymore"--Prine Pay attention Georgie - 2120+ dead Americans. Jesus Christ, make it stop already.

        by Miss Blue on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 07:41:55 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  You, sir are an idiot (none)
      If you took anything in this diary at face value.

      Check out ePM's great new tool: Timelines!

      by Timroff on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 07:22:41 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Oh, the humanity! (none)
    Thanks, Hunter, for risking all to report from the front lines.

    Keep your head down, bro.

    In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act. - George Orwell

    by occams hatchet on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:09:18 PM PST

  •  Going to the mall tonight.. (none)
    I'll make sure to wear my fatigues, and watch out for the christmas war insurgents.  Could be a suicide bomber amongst the crowd..

    Voldemort is a Republican

    by cgvjelly on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:10:02 PM PST

  •  Happy Festivus! (4.00)
    The Christians have Christmas, the Jews have  chanukah; there's Festivus for the rest of us.  

    Absolutely fucking brilliant.  

  •  I've just made what is perhaps my last (3.66)
    blog entry. Please read it and see why. I guess this is called sharing grief. So, sorry. So, for anyone who cares, there won't be any assclowns of the week thjis sunday or any for quite a while at least. I just don't feel like being funny or critical.

    JP
    http://jurassicpork.blogspot.com

    Defending bad taste and liberalism since 2005.

    by jurassicpork on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:10:24 PM PST

    •  I'm very sorry about your dog (4.00)
      and you need to take care of yourself and your grief.  And we do grieve.  I dreamt of my cat for over a year and would wake up crying.

      Grieve, recover and this community will be here when you get back.  

      Republicans to Americans: "Are there no prisons?...And the Union workhouses?...Are they still in operation?"

      by adigal on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:17:13 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend (4.00)
      and family member. I consider my cats my own children. I love them SO much I get upset just thinking about the fact that they won't live as long as I will...so, I don't know how you feel because I haven't lost a pet yet, but I can imagine that it is terrible.

      Take the time you need and come back when you're ready, but know that we're here for you.

    •  My dog is 13 (4.00)
      and I fear I won't have him too much longer.  They do find a way to capture your heart, don't they?  My condolences.

      explain how letting gays marry will directly affect your own heterosexual relationship?

      by bluestatesam on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:40:53 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Ah, Jeez (4.00)
      I can't tell you how sorry I am. I've been there, it's horrible, I know.

      We who choose to surround ourselves
      with lives even more temporary than our
      own, live within a fragile circle;
      easily and often breached.

      Unable to accept its awful gaps,
      we would still live no other way.

      We cherish memory as the only
      certain immortality, never fully
      understanding the necessary plan....

      --- Irving Townsend ---
      "The Once Again Prince"

      •  I'm so sorry (none)
        I was where you are last February when Charlie's quality of life had gotten to the point where I couldn't bear to see him in pain and confusion any longer.

        Shortly afterwards, I received a card from my vet with this poem on it. Thinking of its meaning helped me a lot, I think because of its terrible logic. We "chose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own." But despite the pain, we wouldn't have it any other way.

        How true.

      •  I am so sorry (none)
        Our critters are part of our families, and the loss of them just leaves a hole in our hearts.  My condolences - my Misty girl got lost this fall and I fear fell prey to a coyote.  I miss her every day.  Peace, my brother, peace.

        On a planetary scale, habitat and life are interchangeable.

        by libbys mom on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 08:32:32 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  I'm sorry for your loss (4.00)
      And for future reference, and for all those that have multiple dogs, (and to a much lesser extent, cats) when one dies, let the other(s) know. Dogs are, as we dog owners know, very sociable critters. When one suddenly disappears, they will be confused. And if the remaining animal doesn't know what happened to their friend, it will greatly increase their stress. Show them their dead friend. They will mostly likely take a momentary sniff, and sense death, and move along. If euthanasia is your path, take the surviving pet with you. We can debate whether dogs get depressed (I don't think they do), but confusion and stress caused by a disappearing playmate is indisputable.
      •  My dog grieved for 3 or 4 days (none)
        after he (and I) discovered one of our cats killed in the road as I was taking him for his morning walk. This particular cat had been very affectionate with him and was really his pal.

        He turned very quiet and sort of withdrawn ("depressed"?) and didn't eat for 3 days. I think he was grieving.

        "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain

        by Donna in Rome on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 05:59:51 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  I lost my best friend. (none)
      My best friend was a calico named Leah (after the pet store owner who gave her to me because nobody wanted the runt of the litter). She was extremely bright, and she ran the household.  If the other cats were misbehaving, she took care of the discipline.  She took special care of one of the cats, who was shy and scared.

      She also took care of me.  When I was sad, she was right there.  The year I was so sick, she rarely left my side. She became terribly overweight, and if I tried to give her diet food, she would just eat the others' food. She loved to play and go outside.

      I knew she was very ill, but I didn't want to put her down.   But I had to.  I told the vet I had to be there when she went.  I held her and she purred.  Then she was gone.  I cried so hard that everyone in the office heard me. For two or three days after, My heart felt physically broken.

      You never really get over it, but it hurts less overtime.  I have cats now that I love very much, but no one like Leah.  She was a once-in-a-lifetime cat.

      I love the Rainbow Bridge poem.  It's very sappy, but I love the idea that when it is my time to go, I will see her again.

      Don't be embarrassed about how you feel. Go ahead and mourn.  It's good for you.

      We do not rent rooms to Republicans.

      by Mary Julia on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 05:20:39 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  My condolences on the loss of your friend. (none)
    •  I've been there too... (none)
      and over 18 years after I had to have my beloved husky Neige put down (he was 13), I still haven't gotten over it completely, never talk about it, and cannot even write about it. It was just too heartbreaking.

      "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain

      by Donna in Rome on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 06:12:11 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I am so sorry for your loss (none)
      My thoughts are with you.
    •  My heart goes out to you... (none)
      I can't imagine how you're feeling. I got my dog one and a half years ago and I love him more every day--I can not imagine losing him.

      I'm so, so sorry.

    •  So very, very sorry about your loss (none)
      my heart goes out to you.

      Comfort the afflicted. Afflict the comfortable.

      by FindingMyVoice on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 07:56:39 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  fifteen fucking percent? (none)
    you're shittin' me.

    fucking blasphemous pagan bastards!

    "after the Rapture, we get all their shit"

    check out Drum Major Institute Blog. it's bitchin'.

    by lipris on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:10:40 PM PST

  •  god rest ye unitarians (4.00)
    Don't know who wrote it, but here goes:

        Gods rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay;
        Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day;
        When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say,
        O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
        Glad tidings of reason and fact.

        Our current Christmas Customs come from Persia and from Greece,
        From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East.
        This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast,
        O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
        Glad tidings of reason and fact.

        There was no star of Bethlehem, there was no angels' song;
        There couldn't have been wise men for the trip would take too long.
        The stories in the Bible are historically wrong,
        O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
        Glad tidings of reason and fact!

    •  Printing that out! (none)
      Thank you!

      Nobody likes big government until they need something. -5.88, -6.82

      by Debby on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:24:37 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  that was new to me (none)
      but here's a fairly authoritaive source from google from 2003: <http://unitarian.ithaca.ny.us/sermons/RSG20031214.html>.

      Thanks so much--I just sent it to the first round of  forwarding addresses.

    •  Thank YOU! I'm singing this at my (none)
      Cookie Party tonight!

      And Hunter, you have to be the funniest writer on the subject to date--I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!! Thank you SO very much, beautifully put.

      Now I'm trying to work up the nerve to send it to my "born-again" relatives who voted for Bush and told me they thought Fox News was the only truly Fair and Balanced news channel!

  •  Good Lord, don't fry the baby Jesus!! (none)
    "There was one place that had a little nativity scene, and that was cool, but the baby Jesus was laying in a manger and instead of straw, they had little optical fibers that glowed all sorts of different colors. But sometimes it glowed RED, because that was one of the colors in the cycle, and when that happened it looked like they were trying to barbecue the Baby Jesus and I had to leave."

    That is the most scary, liberal, un-American and un-Christian display thingy I have ever heard of. I can't imagine how we are ever going to win this war; we may need to redeploy to the churches and barricade ourselves in.

    Republicans to Americans: "Are there no prisons?...And the Union workhouses?...Are they still in operation?"

    by adigal on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:11:29 PM PST

  •  Atheist Feminazi Liberal Revisionism! (none)
    It's GOODWILL TO MEN not Goodwill Towards All.

    Although I prefer St Vincent de Paul.

    We all go a little mad sometimes - Norman Bates

    by badger on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:12:48 PM PST

  •  Score! As usual. (none)
    Thank you, Hunter. Excellent rant.

    We all have to be on our toes, all the time. On the lookout for the really IMPORTANT stuff.

    You have made B. The O. so proud.

    Seriously, Hunter. When I see your name, I know we're in for a treat.

    You don't disappoint.

    Oh, I almost forgot.  SEASON'S GREETINGS!

    "I don't think the ethics committees are working very well." -- John McCain on Meet the Press, 12/04/05.

    by bablhous on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:13:01 PM PST

  •  Lies Liars Give Themselves (4.00)
    I've come to believe that the supposed 'Persecution of Christmas' is just a ruse Christians of tyrannical bent give themselves in order to excuse abandoning their supposed moral code-- just like the constant refrain,'This is war.'

    How to have your cake and eat it to: 'Gee, I believe in justice, equality, and democracy-- but they fired the first shot, so...'

    "A popular government, without popular information, or the means of acquiring it, is but a prologue to a farce or tragedy"-- James Madison

    by Bad Cog on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:14:20 PM PST

    •  Right on. (none)
      The Christian fascists have very effectively turned this season into a month long parade of their hateful "ideas".  So they've succeeded at the very least in hijacking the season for their political ends.

      I admit I've never liked this time of year.  Now though, a season that was always bathed in hypocrisy, bad music and smarmy phony cheer comes with right wing intolerance and bigotry too.  Well have a big merry glass of STFU on me Messrs. O'Reilly, Falwell, Robertson and Limbaugh.  Take your Christmas candy canes and shove em up your fat wingnut asses.  Think of elves and reindeer while you do it and you'll enjoy it more, I'm sure.

      Oh, was that hateful?  I'm just trying to get in the spirit of the season }:-|

      Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

      by Event Horizon on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:53:16 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Hunter you're still my favorite. (none)
    That was hilarious!

    :)

    The GOP Love the soldiers like they love children: Seen but not heard.

    by DawnG on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:14:20 PM PST

  •  The War on Christmas is over! (4.00)
    Seriously.  I saw it on TV.  Bush was dressed up in a Santa suit, and he piloted this sleigh all by hisself and landed it on a roof and everything.  And he stepped out and strutted along the roof to this podium that was set up under some brightly colored lights that spelled out "Mission Accomplished."  

    "Major Christmas operations are over," he solemnly declared.

    It was real cool.

    "...the big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

    by Roddy McCorley on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:14:24 PM PST

    •  And THEN.... (none)
      He pushed the podium a little too hard, lost his balance and fell off the roof and landed head first into a thorny bush.

      THAT was the cool part.

      Feloneous

      "Regarding the 700 Club: I realized that 700 is just 666 rounded up."

      by feloneouscat on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:44:05 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  And then, (none)
        since Santa Bush was now gone, leaving behind only his empty suit, Tim Allen was forced to put it on and take his place at the North Pole.... errrr, the White House.

        "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain

        by Donna in Rome on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 06:27:50 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  You should write for the Daily Show. (none)

    Bush/Cheney want to stay in Iraq. The question is, why? Answer: 1 superembassy, 14 military bases, and oil.

    by lecsmith on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:15:16 PM PST

  •  God rest you Jerry Mentleman... (none)
    :)

    "What the Republicans need is 50 Jack Abramoffs. Then this becomes a different town." - Grover Norquist, 1995

    by daria g on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:19:28 PM PST

  •  Is this the John you're referring to? (4.00)
  •  About the words. (4.00)
    Christmas: derived from Old English, means "Christ's festival."

    Holiday: derived from Old English, meaning "holy day."

    Seems to me that the former is just a factual description of what is being celebrated, while the latter is an evaluation of its religious significance.  Therefore, "Happy Holiday" is a statement of greater religious significance then "Merry Christmas."

    I know this reasoning is pretty lame, but doesn't that make it fit right into the whole War for Christmas idea?

    So I see only tatters of clearness through a pervading obscurity - Annie Dillard

    by illinifan17 on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:20:33 PM PST

  •  I believe it was General Sherman... (4.00)
    (doubtless of the Temple Beth-Emmanuel Shermans) who said:

    "Channukah is Heck"

    Keep up the good fight Hunter, and some day our kids may live to see a Christmas where all of God's children - Theocons and Foxgobblers alike may join their hands and join in that old consumerist jingle...

    'Free gift at last, free gift at last, Thank storemanagement there's a free gift for th efirst 200 door crashers at last'

    DFooK

    Smoke and flashing lights are turned up, as the Great Oz pronounces. Meanwhile, out the back door go the flying monkeys - Dallas Doc.

    by deepfish on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:20:42 PM PST

  •  Absolutely fabulous!! (none)
    I haven't laughed this hard in weeks:)

    Thanks for this! I'm totally passing this along to all my friends and family!!

    Excellent work as usual, Hunter!

  •  How refreshing it is to read (none)
    about John, a man that takes Scripture to heart! Especially in these dark times of consumerism, where some try to force Faith onto shopkeepers!

    Indeed, the courage that John demonstrates will be with me well past the day that we celebrate the birth of the Lamb:

    If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (Matt 5:29)

  •  I am really going to miss you, Hunter (none)
    Thank you.

    "That story isn't worth the paper it's rotten on."--Dorothy Parker

    by martyc35 on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:24:41 PM PST

  •  I just want to say (4.00)
    I LOVE YOU, MAN!!!

    This will definitely be forwarded to all the whiny right-wing retired officers I work with the first time one of them mouths off on this particular subject.

    Or hell, pre-emptively.

  •  Open House (4.00)
    Dear Hunter,

    Why not come for dinner. I'm making falafels.

    Love,
    Aunt Mabel

  •  One more year!!! (4.00)
    This is exactly why Hunter should stay another year as a front-pager.  I like the idea of new blood, but I still have to get my Hunter fix.
  •  the damn trees! (none)
    So? why aren't people jumping all over the damn trees? Not literally, of course.

    Bill and Hunter need to get after these PAGAN TREES. The real Christians don't drag greenery into their houses for Christmas.

    They sure as heck don't mess around with lights (that's sun worship stuff. Solstice shit. pagan pagan pagan)

    NO. REAL Christians sit quietly on Christmas Day and contemplate their sins. Hey. I'd pay good money to watch Bill do that.

    •  Many people here are familiar with this artist (none)
      but it would do some of the wingnuts well to listen to this song.

      Click here, hit play and forward to track 4.  BTW I also recommend track 9 just for comic relief.  Problem is this site doesn't play the best sample.  

      Full lyrics to both here and here.

      (-7.25, -5.85) "Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law." - Thomas Jefferson

      by Slartibartfast on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:57:48 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  adonis conifer, thank you very much [n/t] (none)

      we'd better decide now if we are going to be fearless men or scared boys.
      — e.d. nixon, montgomery improvement association

      by zeke L on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 10:26:03 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Inspired writing, Hunter (none)
    Some of the best I've seen around here in quite some time.

    If you weren't a damn fp'er, I'd for sure recommend this one...

  •  Checking in from (none)
    The People's Republic of Santa Monica. Our Nativity scene goes up on 12/12/05 so we have defeated       um          us?
  •  as far as i'm concerned (4.00)
    the only WAR on Christmas, will be the same fucking WAR in Iraq that has been going on for the past 2 Christmasses and for at least the next 2.

    "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" - Homer (Simpson)

    by sadair on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:26:16 PM PST

  •  Exactly why I go to the vigil masses (none)
    Standing in the cold, in the dark, with our tiny tapers to give us a halo of light and glimmer of heat, reality comes easy and the noise and confusion fade away.
  •  Hunter! (none)
    I bow to you, sir.  Excellent.
  •  I hate this. (4.00)
    "Happy Holidays" offends some Christians, and Christians have a right not to be offended, since America belongs to them and whatnot.

    It is not a coincidence that those who prosecute the cultural wars with the most enthusiasm so often fall back on the same rhetorical devices. In the case of Evangelical Christianity vs. Secular Humanism, the favorite device by far is that of the Authenticity Contest: to wit, rural America is the real America and rural America is overwhelmingly Christian, ergo the American spirit is encompassed by the mores, norms and taboos of Christianity. It follows that Christians have the prerogative to write their arbitrary norms and mores into law, but when anybody else does, it's unconstitutional/unfair/an abuse of judicial authority.

    Liberal democracy should be aloof from culture wars (if not out of philosophical principle, then out of aversion to the messy and futile), but none of the Framers expected a society this various, colorful and factionalized to result from their little experiment in state, so the Constitution deals with the subject only rarely and clumsily. As a consequence, we as citizens will always have to fight this impulse-to-control tooth and nail lest our society cease to be a liberal democracy at all.

    The conservative author who argued that the "war on Christmas" is a bigger deal than anyone thinks is right, but for the wrong reasons. It's a big deal because the fight over this and similar issues is going to set a precedent for the future use of state authority to proscribe and limit American culture.

    •  Authenticity (4.00)
      I think that the "Founding Fathers" had a real clear idea in mind of an intentionally "religion-blind" state. They knew the history of the Protestant/Catholic wars in 16th and 17th century Europe (and in the American colonies) that resulted from different kings and queens choosing to privlage one religion over another and wanted to avoid conflict.

      From what little that I've read about the religious beliefs of the "Founding Fathers" is that they viewed religion as a personal practice, not a political movement.

      •  And that is almost certainly true, (none)
        but did they understand the degree to which any personal practice (such as religion, or ethnic tradition, or philosophy) intersects with and influences politics? I doubt it.
        •  so then (none)
          you don't mind if we instead plunk an 80 foot high menorah on the lawn next year? cuz certainly after 80 years its someone else's turn once in a while.

          not the least advantage to "flyover" country is that y'all continue to do that

          by le sequoit on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:11:13 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  Not really, (none)
            as long as it won the vote of its locality, I would accept the fact. Legislating against pork or mixed fibers is a different story because it would interfere with my actual right to disagree (and that of many, many people), but in and of itself a religious statement does not oppress me in the strictest sense. Likewise, secular scientific or antireligious statements, even under the auspice of government, should not be seen to oppress Christians. There is a difference - or at least, I think there is a difference - between transmission of cultural statements and the enforcement of cultural mores.
        •  Religin/Politics (none)
          About one third of the sigers of the Constitution were Masons. They had more than a clue about the nexus of religion and politics and chose not to support a sate-sponsored religion.
          •  Er, (none)
            Okay, but I still don't see how that follows. The Masons were somewhat religious and somewhat political, but we're still talking essentially about old time religion, the kind whose influence was distinguished in bold strokes from secular belief systems. I still contend that the difficulty we face today with the separation of church and state issue is much more insidious and complex than that.
    •  OK -- generally good points here, (none)
      but some founders did indeed envision a pluralistic American culture and did, in fact, explain thier reasoning in this context.  Most famously, one of Madison's 'Federalist' essays explicitly laid out a vision of a diverse popular and political culture that would check and balance itself.  He also wrote famously about the Constitution's great power to protect minorities over a tryannical majority--  a learned lesson from the 'critical period' (1776-1787).  

      I do agree that Madison and others did miss the rise of parties-- they expected factionalism, but not the extreme partisanship that broke out in the 1790s and has continued somewhat through the present.  They were also writing in a relatively secular context -- both the era and their personal sensibilities.  The culture became more overtly religious in the early 19th century (2nd Great Awakening) & we've been feeling the impact ever since in a cyclical fashion.  

      This whole 'war on Christmas' is silly at best, but it does show one of the precise problems that founders like Madison were concerned about: the tyranny of the majority.  I expect it will likely snuff out relatively soon as most Americans are rational and will see through it (& also know non-Christians).  Or, it will end up exacerbating the regional division as described above: not red-blue states, rather the urban-rural dichotomy.    

  •  Damn you!!! (4.00)
    When you post this on the front page I can't recommend it, and I really want to recommend it. It is just not very Christian of you to deny me the option of recommending this, especially in this holy time of less than fifteen shopping days before Christmas. Why do you hate the Baby Jesus so?

    "Don't talk nonsense," Esmé said crossly. "If we give money to poor people, then they won't be poor anymore."

    by George on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:28:05 PM PST

  •  Funny (none)
    I was, I kid you not, literally just wondering when I'd see another Hunter post. Thanks, man!
  •  I saw this film the other night (none)
    with Darrin McGavin and there was this big guy in a suit and another guy and they were torturing all these little children who were in line at some Godless heathen owned and operated department store and I shivered to think that it was all so not ling ago...

    not the least advantage to "flyover" country is that y'all continue to do that

    by le sequoit on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:30:16 PM PST

  •  I absolutely love this entry (4.00)
    This is so on point on so many levels that it's almost scary.  Two DVD players "so the kids don't have to share."  Nice values there.  Celebrating "peace on earth" by slapping mothersuckers down.  Accusing others of unseemly religious displays while on a constant, obnoxious "more Christian than thou" crusade.  What is incredibly, unbelievably sad is that this entry could have been written by any number of insane freepers.  Here are some real quotes:

    "Who is target scaring away by using 'Christmas'?"

    Muslims primarily; as if they do much Christmas shopping anyhow. They're too busy extorting people in their convenience stores 7 days a week for 16 hours a day, especially the black communities. Others they possibly are afraid of offending are Jews (and I say possibly but not probably)and Americans with an ACLU mentality. Who knows? Let them bit the dust.

    COUNT ME IN ON THE BOYCOTT.

    WE NEVER SHOP AT TARGET!

    Aren't they French owned?

    One can just see from watching the tv ad's that no one is basically saying "Merry Christmas" any more not one mention of a Merry Chrisitmas from Coke, the retailers to the non existent of the Clydes dale Budweiser commercial's. We are in a new Era of the non mentioning of "Merry Christmas" not even a simple mention of it or advertisement of it in any ad find me one that says Merry Christmas.

    When someone says "Happy Holidays" just ask them which holidays they are talking about.

    Store clerk: "Happy Holidays"

    Me: "Which ones?"

    Store clerk: "Ah, Um, I can't actually say - you know the one about the religious guy, long hair, sandals, etc"

    Maybe I'll start saying "Happy Holiday" around EVERY Federal and other holiday. Like Flag day or Presidents day.

    I just keep wondering what the the anti-Christians will come up with to replace "Easter Baskets" - maybe "Springtime Basket"???

    One last thought - it's always amazing how many Christians there are around this time of year celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. You don't see this for Mohammed or Buddah's birthdays, do you? Seems not too many people really care about those religions - except their actual year-round members!

    Getting rid of Christmas gets rid of the nativity. And you can not have abortion, samesex marriage in the face of the birth of Jesus(God in the womb one would think that would be considered sacred)and having a mother and father. What I would like to ask the muslims is they have a very high regard for Mary,and Jesus as well, they just think nobody would dare come out against them or their faith OR ELSE!
    •  You know what amazes me? (4.00)
      They think anyone would give a crap if they said "Happy Holiday" around other federal holidays. Am I the only one who often says "Hey, have a great holiday" in the weeks before the Fourth or Thanksgiving or "Hope you have a great holiday weekend" before Labor Day? That seems like a really common construction to me.
    •  un-freeping-believable (4.00)
      props to you for wading through the muck.

      whenever i read the writings of the freeperati i am amazed anew that any group of people (presumably) not under the influence of psychotropic chemicals can write things that are so devoid of logic or coherence they seem to be form of anti-thought.

      when i read

      You don't see this for Mohammed or Buddah's birthdays, do you? Seems not too many people really care about those religions - except their actual year-round members!
      the idea that someone would actually hold up the fact a large number of people only observe their religion in any way whatsoever once or twice a year as some kind of evidence of superiority was by far the most baffling thing i'd heard yet from that crowd.  until i got to your next sample, that is.
      And you can not have abortion, samesex marriage in the face of the birth of Jesus... and having a mother and father.
      leaving aside how syntactically challenged that person is, the story i remember reading involved an unwed mother not a mother and father.  the dude who eventually marries jesus' mom almost ditched her because the kid wasn't his, at least in my version.  maybe that's all part of the liberal media bias, though.  the bibles in megachurch pews have no doubt corrected the problem.

      we'd better decide now if we are going to be fearless men or scared boys.
      — e.d. nixon, montgomery improvement association

      by zeke L on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 10:44:26 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  not to mention (none)
        Muslims DONT celebrate Muhammed's birthday since it would be considered deifying him.

        Dont know what Buddhists do.

        O'BRIEN: What if Jesus got this card? Would he be angry about it? He's be OK with it, wouldn't he? DONOHUE: Well, maybe he would, but I've never met him

        by PoliMorf on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 03:57:59 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  Hilarious (none)
    This is one of the funniest things ever posted on the front page!  I'm going to email this around to everyone too.  The War on Christmas is a lot less confusing that the War on Terror.
  •  I'm assuming this was inspired by the AFA (4.00)
    The ultra-right wing ultra-crazy Christian group known as the American Family Association has been screaming about the fact that many other religions have celebrations this time of year. Here's some of the emails I've been getting from them:

    Target Backing Off Ban, May Use Christmas In Ads Later This Year

    Dear John,

    Visit the new AFA Superstore today! Your efforts are having a powerful effect! Our boycott of Target is working! According to the New York Times, a spokeswoman for Target said it did not intend to ban Christmas and might use Christmas in advertisements later this year! In addition, Sears is adding "Merry Christmas" signs in their stores.

    And here is new evidence of anti-Christian bias: A survey done by AFA shows that 91% of TV ads ban Christmas from their advertising. We want you to help us stop this banning of Christmas. The survey included one night (Dec. 1) of prime time programming on the four major networks.

    As Bill O'Reilly of The O'Reilly Factor on Fox News Channel said, "There is an anti-Christian bias in this country, and it is more on display at Christmas season than any other time."

    AFA found that the "holiday" theme was used in 105 commercials while Christmas was the theme in only 11. This follows the pattern in print advertising where "holiday" was used 25 times more often than Christmas.

    These companies don't want to offend a handful of atheists and agnostics, but they don't mind offending millions of Christians who celebrate the Reason for the season. They find Christmas an offensive word.

    We have prepared a letter to 24 companies which banned Christmas in their TV ads and chose "holiday" instead. Your one click of the button will send a letter to all 24 of these national advertisers. We know it is probably too late to change their ads this year, but we must let them know that next year we expect them to include Christmas in their TV commercials! Click Here to see the list.

    Sincerely,
    Don
    Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
    American Family Association

    Great News! Walgreens Says "Next Year Will Be Different"

    Send A Polite Letter To Kmart/Sears Asking Them To Do The Same

    Dear John,

    Visit the new AFA Superstore today! Because of your efforts, Walgreens has released the following response: "Next year, you can be assured our advertising will better incorporate 'Christmas,' and our holiday trees will be called Christmas trees. Unfortunately, all of this year's December ads are already printed, so it's too late to make changes for this season."

    In addition, Lowe's has released a statement saying they now refer to all trees as "Christmas Trees" and have removed all signs that previously calling them "Holiday Trees."

    Your actions are bringing good results! We are hearing that many retailers are re-thinking their banning Christmas. Keep up the good work!

    Would you please send the enclosed polite letter to Kmart/Sears asking them to make Christmas an integral part of their promotions and advertising next year? We feel there is good reason to believe Kmart/Sears might honor your request. We will keep you informed as to their response.

    Additionally, and this is very important, please forward this to your family and friends. We need as much support as we can get in this effort.
    Click Here To Send Your Letter Now!

    Thanks for caring enough to get involved.

    Sincerely,
    Don
    Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
    American Family Association
    P.S. Please forward this e-mail message to your family and friends!

    A Christmas Witch in Wisconsin Public School
    Wisconsin Elementary School Changes "Silent Night" to "Cold in the Night" While Decorating For A Christmas Witch!

    Dear John,

    Visit the new AFA Superstore today! In Dodgeville, Wisconsin, Ridgeway Elementary School's "winter program" has changed the name of "Silent Night" to "Cold in the Night." Sung to the tune of "Silent Night," the lyrics include: "Cold in the night, no one in sight, winter winds whirl and bite, how I wish I were happy and warm, safe with my family out of the storm."

    The "winter program" included decorating classrooms with Santa Claus, Kwanza symbols, Menorahs, and Labafana--a Christmas witch!

    Also in Wisconsin, the Glendale-River Hills School District has banned every Christmas song which has any Christian "motive or theme." But while banning Christian Christmas songs, the district permits secular holiday songs as well as songs celebrating Hanukkah. In defending this policy, Frances Smith, the district administrator, says that the Hanukkah songs are more cultural than spiritual.

    What these schools are doing to our children is not educating, but indoctrinating! And they are using Christmas as an excuse. Following the lead of the National Educational Association, Wisconsin educational leaders preach tolerance and diversity while being highly intolerant! Most of the residents of Wisconsin are tolerant, but not their educational leaders.

    Banning nativity scenes. Banning Christmas songs in school. Banning Christmas in advertising. Calling a Christmas tree a "holiday" tree. Calling a Christmas parade a holiday parade. Refusing to mention the Reason for the season. It is time to take a stand for our children, our families, our faith and our freedom!

    Educational leaders in your state could be the next officials to join this anti-Christian bigotry parade.

    I urge you to email Governor Gov. Jim Doyle and State Superintendent Elizabeth Burmaster and ask them to stop this intolerant anti-Christian bigotry.

    Click Here to Send Your Letter Now!
    Very important! Please forward this to your family and friends. They need to be aware of this anti-Christian bigotry.

    Thanks for caring enough to get involved.

    Sincerely,
    Don
    Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
    American Family Association
    P.S. Please forward this e-mail message to your family and friends!

    Here's the letter I sent back to them, in response to the first panicked letter they sent out on the BANNING of Christmas

    Isn't the winter solstice reason for the season? The
    early church had lost the records of exactly when
    Jesus' birth occured, so they decided to put it on
    December 25th, which was close to but not exactly on
    the winter solstice. This helped make one of
    Christianity's major holidays more acceptable to the
    pagans of Europe, the Saxons and Celts and all the
    other groups, because they already celebrated the
    solstice as a festival of rebirth. This was because
    the winter solstice was when the days stop getting
    shorter and instead start getting longer again,
    indicating that the world has been "born again",
    starting the yearly cycle anew.

    The church fathers were basically just going with what
    was most popular and acceptable at the time, which is
    a lot like what the retailers are doing now. Wouldn't
    "Happy Solstice" or "Merry Meet and Merry Yule"
    actually be far more offensive to Christianity then
    "The holidays"? Were they to insist on calling it
    Christmas, they would be offending or excluding the
    many religions that don't have Christmas, like Judaism
    or Wicca or Islam. If they were to send out flyers
    saying "Celebrate Ramadan", they'd be offending
    everybody but the Muslims. If they said "Happy
    Hanukah" they'd be offending everybody except the
    Jews. By saying "happy holidays", they are recognizing
    and affirming that the winter solstice is a time of
    celebration for nearly every major world religion and
    a lot of the minor ones. Christmas is included in the
    list of holidays, as is Yule and Hanukah. The
    retailers aren't banning any holiday, they're
    acknowledging all of them.

    Really, the only people who get screwed over during
    the holiday season is the atheists, but even they can
    get on board a celebration of the world finishing
    another revolution on it's axis.

    Hopefully my explanation has helped you see the matter
    from a different and perhaps less combative light.
    Remember, the Celts used to celebrate the fertility
    festival "Eostre" in April.

    Respectfully,
    John

    > Survey Proves Retailers Banning Christmas
    >
    > Dear John,
    >
    > I thought you would be interested in a survey we
    > did. We gathered
    > advertising inserts from 11 different companies
    > placed in two papers
    > on Nov. 27 (Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal and
    > Memphis Commercial
    > Appeal.) Combined, the inserts totaled 280 pages.
    >
    > Of the 11 companies, only one--McRae's/Belks--had a
    > reference to
    > "Christmas." They mentioned "Christmas" only two
    > times. The other 10
    > companies did not mention "Christmas" a single time!
    > While refusing to
    > use "Christmas," they used the term "holiday" a
    > total of 59 times in
    > their 10 inserts.
    >
    > The companies which refused to mention Christmas a
    > single time in
    > their 260 pages of insert promotions were Target,
    > Kroger, Office Max,
    > Walgreens, Sears, Staples, Lowe's, J.C. Penney, Dell
    > and Best Buy.
    >
    > Ask these companies why they banned "Christmas" in
    > their in-store
    > promotions and retail advertising and they will tell
    > you they didn't
    > want to offend anyone. They mean, of course, anyone
    > except Christians.
    >
    > These retailers are willing to use Christmas to
    > secure about 20% of
    > their yearly sales, but they absolutely refuse to
    > mention the Reason
    > for the season.
    >
    > To see what we can achieve by working together, read
    > the statement
    > from Federated Stores. We boycotted them last year.
    > Click here to
    > see how they have changed.
    > http://www.afa.net/...
    >
    > Please sign our petition below. We are writing every
    > national
    > retailer which bans "Christmas" asking them to
    > change their policy and
    > letting them know how many have signed the petition.
    > Thus far we have
    > nearly 350,000. Our goal is 1,000,000. It is urgent
    > that you sign the
    > petition and forward it to your friends and family.
    > We need numbers
    > so that the national retailers will take notice!
    >
    > If we will stick together and take action, next year
    > we will see
    > scores of retailers recognizing "Christmas" as a
    > Christian holy day
    > instead of a secular "holiday".

    Followed it up with another like it:

    --- American Family Association <afapetition@afa.net>
    wrote:

    > Target Doesn't Respond, Refuses To Include
    > "Christmas"

    We've already gone over this. Somebody could get just as upset that Target refuses to include Hanukah, and in all fairness, the Jews had it first.

    Realy though, do you honestly want to increase the
    commercialization of the word Christmas? Maybe if
    retailers call in "the holidays" instead, some of that commercialized taint will leave Christmas itself. It will go from "Christmas is when you get stuff" to "The holidays are when you get stuff, Christmas is when you celebrate Jesus' birth".

    Doesn't that seem like a good thing? It's certainly more likely to inspire respect then ordering your readers and followers to throw a hissy fit because a retailer won't include a word you like in their advertising.

    V/R
    John

    My opinion is that the day people are dragged from their homes and taken to detention centers for celebrating Christmas as the birth of Jesus, then they can say that Christmas has been banned. Whiners. What ticks me off is that any time we make any headway or progress in this country towards being inclusive of all religions and faiths, these nutjobs drag us back to the Middle Ages because, for their religion, equality for others is oppressive of them. They are only truly free when other aren't, they claim, and as far as I'm concerned that makes them unfit to operate in a world of equals.

    Somebody really needs to tell the White House that "1984" is a cautionary tale, not a political guidebook.

    by jabbausaf on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:37:24 PM PST

    •  Visit our store? (4.00)
      It's a little telling that each of the AFA emails begins "Visit the new AFA Superstore today!" Shows where their priorities are.

      Oh, and lo Saturnalia, jabbausaf, lo indeed.

      •  Indeed (none)
        I love the Winter Solstice. Pagan holidays are great, they celebrate life. Life is one of the two most important things in the world, along with death. Where does life come from? Fertility.

        So yeah, Saturnalia and Eostre are great reasons for me and my sweetie to, you know, get down. ;)

        Somebody really needs to tell the White House that "1984" is a cautionary tale, not a political guidebook.

        by jabbausaf on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:22:41 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  it used to be (none)
      that the only thing I got tired of during the Christmas season was the endless Christmas songs played everywhere.  Now what makes me nuts is this "War on Christmas" crap.  

      Just because you're self-righteous doesn't mean you're not a hypocrite.

      by AMcG826 on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:25:07 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  December 25: birthday of the gods... (none)
      What's so totally and exclusively "Christian" about December 25th?

      Have you ever wondered why December 25th was chosen to celebrate the birth of Christ? If the accounts in the Bible are correct, the time of Jesus birth would have been closer to mid-summer, for this is when shepherds would have been "tending their flocks in the field" and the new lambs were born. Strange enough there is an ancient pagan religion, Mithraism, which dates back over 2,800 years that also celebrated the birth of their "savior" on that date. Many elements in the story of Jesus' life and birth are either coincidental or borrowings from earlier and contemporary pagan religions. The most obviously similar of these is Mithraism.

      More specifics here:

      --Mithra was born of a virgin on December 25 in a cave, and his birth was attended by shepherds bearing gifts.
      --He was considered a great traveling teacher and master.
      --He had 12 companions or disciples.
      --Mithra’s followers were promised immortality.
      --He performed miracles.
      --As the “great bull of the Sun,” Mithra sacrificed himself for world peace.
      --He was buried in a tomb and after three days rose again.
      --His resurrection was celebrated every year.
      --He was called “the Good Shepherd” and identified with both the Lamb and the Lion.
      --He was considered the “Way, the Truth and the Light,” and the “Logos,” [Word] “Redeemer,” “Savior” and “Messiah.”
      --His sacred day was Sunday, the “Lord’s Day,” hundreds of years before the appearance of Christ.
      --Mithra had his principal festival on what was later to become Easter.
      --His religion had a eucharist or “Lord’s Supper,” at which Mithra said, “He who shall not eat of my body nor drink of my blood so that he may be one with me and I with him, shall not be saved.”
      --“His annual sacrifice is the Passover of the Magi, a symbolical atonement of pledge of moral and physical regeneration.”

      Other gods with (strangely enough) the same birthday (more "coincidental" details on each are here):

      • Attis of Phrygia was born on December 25 of the Virgin Nana.
      • Dionysus was born of a virgin on December 25 and, as the Holy Child, was placed in a manger.
      • Horus (son of the god Osiris) was born of the virgin Isis-Merion December 25 in a cave/manger with his birth being announced by a star in the East and attended by three wise men. His earthly father was named “Seb” (“Joseph”).
      • Krishna was born of the Virgin Devaki (“Divine One”) on December 25.

      "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain

      by Donna in Rome on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 07:05:37 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  La Befana (none)
      The "winter program" included decorating classrooms with Santa Claus, Kwanza symbols, Menorahs, and Labafana--a Christmas witch!

      Cool!  Hey, I looked that up...

      The Legend of La Befana
      by Anthony Parente

      La Befana is one of Italy's oldest and most celebrated legends. Each year on January 6 the children of Italy awaken in hopes that La Befana has made a visit to their house. This is a significant day to Italians because it marks the end of the Christmas season and the day that the three Wise Men arrived at the manger of the Christ child. Over the years the Epiphany has been a more celebrated holiday for the children of Italy than even Christmas.

      As legend has it the three Wise Men were in search of the Christ child when they decided to stop at a small house to ask for directions. Upon knocking, an old woman holding a broom opened the door slightly to see who was there. Standing at her doorstep were three colorfully dressed men who were in need of directions to find the Christ child. The old woman was unaware of who these three men were looking for and could not point them in the right direction. Prior to the three men leaving they kindly asked the old woman to join them on their journey. She declined because she had much housework to do. After they left she felt as though she had made a mistake and decided to go and catch up with the kind men. After many hours of searching she could not find them. Thinking of the opportunity she had missed the old woman stopped every child to give them a small treat in hopes that one was the Christ child. Each year on the eve of the Epiphany she sets out looking for the baby Jesus. She stops at each child's house to leave those who were good treats in their stockings and those who were bad a lump of coal.

      Make sure to keep those stockings hung by the chimney in hopes that La Befana will soon be there.
      Buona Festa!

      Thanks for teaching us about Chistmas Witches, American Family Foundation!  Now everybody is going to want one!  :)

    •  Are the AFA numbers for real? (none)
      I makes me crazy to think that there are so many people that are signing up for this fake war on Christmas. Are there really that many deluded Christians? It makes me crazy we are even discussing this. Why aren't they demanding that American's stop torturing people? That would be more Christian than demanding people greet them in the approved fashion.

      My friend Tena said it wonderfully, "Leave it to the Right. The one holiday when we are suppose to all come together and they pick a fight."

      The stores tried to be INCLUSIVE but the faux Christians in the hate group AFA demand their due. "YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO MY VERSION OF RELIGION!"  They are working very hard to recreate the state religion that our ancestors fled. Is their god is so small that he can't withstand any competition?

      They aren't satisfied with their own Churches on ever corner. They aren't happy with their TV stations and radio shows. No, they demand fealty from all, even non-believers.

      The propagandists on the Radio and TV knew that they couldn't come out and say, "Stop including others when you greet them" so they twisted the desire of businesses to include everyone into a frame where the Faux Christians are the victims.

      And they said to their viewers, "Demand to be acknowledged! Show your victim hood, it's all about you! Make them notice you. Force them to worship your god just like you. If they don't,  whip them into submission! Don't give them your money. Stop giving money to anyone who doesn't kowtow. Everyone WILL respond in the approved Christian way at the point of our smoking credit cards! Those who don't will be punished."

      And remember, nothing says "Let's celebrate the birth of our saviour." like a drunken Santa scaring the kids

      How far away have they gotten from Jesus, son of Mary, the first century Jew who taught about love and forgiveness, and caring for the poor and how much God loves us.

  •  I got 3 words for you, Hunter: (none)
    OH, My SIDES!

    HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (doesn't count as a word)

    -Joon

  •  I support the troops (none)
    What color plastic magnet do I have to get for the trunk of my car?  

    There must be a special one for the bravest of the brave who fight the war on xmas.  By the way, Jesus says thanks.

    "Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." Edward R. Murrow

    by justrock on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:42:01 PM PST

  •  How dare those liberals blasphemy (none)
    our Christ-sanctioned holiday.  Those Christmas trees have withstood 2000+ years of persecution and I WILL be boycotting those artificial ones in them Michael Moore magazines.

    AH, Christmas means Kool-Aid is on sale, too.  Can't get enough Kool-Aid.

  •  Say zee words. (none)
    Say zee words Merry Christmas you black-hearted secular progressive!

    I cannot say it.

    Say them!

    I cannot say them.

    Say zem or will gouge out your eyes with zee rusty spoon!

    I cannot.

    OK zen.

    ...... arrrgggggghhhh.

    Next. And, oh yes, Merry Christmas.

    "Conservatives hate Pooh because he reminds children to 'think, think, think.'"

    by dicta on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:44:43 PM PST

  •  Happy Chrismakwanzaakah (4.00)
    This post rocks Hunter!!! It has been printed and will be shared with all of the foot soldiers in the war on Christmas.
  •  War on Xmas (4.00)
    Many of you won't believe this but this too is a rerun. We had it back in the 60's (strangely, also during the height of an unpopular war).

    Basically the whole slant was that people were using X-Mas a lot which is a bad thing because (and I quote) "it takes the Christ out of Christmas".

    I know this all sounds like a bunch of hooey, but there ya go. Now the perpetrators were:

    a) Jews
    b) Liberals
    c) Hippies
    d) The same folks that made that spooky pyramid and eye thing on the back of the dollar bill.

    Feloneous

    "Regarding the 700 Club: I realized that 700 is just 666 rounded up."

    by feloneouscat on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:50:11 PM PST

  •  What a HOOT! (none)
    Havent paid attention to the O'Reilly broohaha but Im certain this is Hunters response.
    Loved it!
    I think O'Reilly is a Wal-Mart spokesperson to get dumb Americans to buy more crap for their spoiled rotten kids and go deeper into debt.
    I know I'm gonna avoid Twelve Oaks! haha
  •  I wrote a few entries from the frontlines (none)
    of the WAR ON CHRISTMAS last year.

    Here's my favorite one, but see the whole thing here and here.

    America: It's a good IDEA for a country ...

    by Tony Seybert on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 02:51:58 PM PST

  •  get a fake Christmas/Holiday tree (none)
    so that when you light a flag near it, your house won't burn down.
  •  Well, you're certainly going out with a bang (4.00)
    This was damn goo stuff, Hunter.

    I saw on Fox this morning that the new battleground in the WoC is a small town in Florida.  The town put up a Christmas tree next to a menorah.  A Christian group got all up-in-arms and said that the Jews got their religious symbol, why can't we have ours!?  So they're fighting to have a nativity scene put up.  In an interview with their leader, the guy was quoted as saying "there's nothing christian about a tree with pretty lights!  The menorah means something, the tree doesn't!"

    While he may have a point, in his own special way, it does underscore the silliness of the WoC campaign to call them Christmas trees.. if they mean "nothing," after all.

  •  Hi-freakin'-larious! (none)
    I hurt myself there...

    I'd love to take this piece and polish it and submit it for a short story comedy prize...somewhere...

  •  Oh My Gawd!!! (none)
    Hunter,

    This is the funniest shit I've read about Christmas since Dave Barry's inagural gift guide and story of the Christmas Goat.  I'll have to find that story and post it somewhere.  Funniest GD xmas story ever.

    Phinz to the left!

    by eweedin on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:04:14 PM PST

  •  I started chuckling (none)
    ...then I read the tirade about the fucking 15 percent off...and started laughing outloud...then got to the "'Seasons Greetings?' It doesn't even sound human. It sounds like a brand of instant fucking stuffing."...and totally lost it.  And couldn't properly compose myself through the rest of your rant.

    explain how letting gays marry will directly affect your own heterosexual relationship?

    by bluestatesam on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:06:34 PM PST

  •  Hunter, thanks for a huge laugh! Great! n/t (none)
  •  Tom Lehrer said it best... (4.00)
    in his lyrics to the song A Christmas Carol from the album "An Evening (Wasted) With Tom Lehrer" released in 1959:

    Christmas time is here, by golly,
    Disapproval would be folly.
    Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
    Fill the cup and don't say when.

    Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
    Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
    Even though the prospect sickens,
    Brother, here we go again.

    On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
    Your fellow man you must adore.
    There's time to rob him all the more
    The other three hundred and sixty-four.

    Relations, sparing no expense, 'll
    Send some useless old utensil,
    Or a matching pen and pencil.
    ("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

    It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
    Nor how heart felt the spirit,
    Sentiment will not endear it,
    What's important is the price.

    Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
    Advertising wondrous things.
    God rest ye merry merchants,
    May ye make the Yuletide pay.
    Angels we have heard on high,
    Tell us to go out and buy!

    So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
    Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
    Driving his reindeer across the sky.
    Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

    Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - T. Roosevelt

    by ranger31 on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:14:08 PM PST

    •  Since We're Waxing Poetic... (none)
       This was crafted by my brother, who resides in Biloxi.  It has the Holiday spirit.  Although some have observed the possibiliy of political incorrectness, rest assured the author has no intention to do so and is admiringly grateful to all who fix the roofs so well.

      `Twas the Day of Katrina
      (Apologies to C. C. Moore)

      'Twas the day of Katrina, when all through our palace
      The storm surge is charging like Speedy Gonzales!

      Well stocked with batteries, we're riding it out--
      Remembering Ivan, the forecast we doubt,

      And even Camille left this house high and dry--
      So sure that Katrina would likewise blow by.
      Now furniture floats down the stairs, out the door,
      And dressing live oaks are the clothes we once wore.

      So scared are the children they cower and fret,
      While the wife wants to know, "How much worse could it get?"
      Crammed like a tin of sardines in the attic,
      The radio's useless: nothing but static,

      When over the rafters I hear such a din,
      I think to myself, "Did the roof just cave in?"
      I poke my head out through a gaping hole, cautious--
      The sight gives me vertigo; makes me feel nauseous!

      What daylight may penetrate clouds grim and drizzly,
      Illumines a scene that's unspeakably grizzly!
      When what do I spy that works faster than Xanax,
      But a pick-up that flies, with a crew of Hispanics!

      Yes! Mexican roofers, arriving so quick
      I knew in a twinkling, it must be San Nick!
      This líder intrépido  laughs as he bellows
      The name of each one of those Mexican fellows:

      "¡Ahora Alberto, Ernesto y Juan,
      Pablito y Chico!; "¡Vaya Ésteban!"
      (Y muchos otros hermanos
      he'd sent to the game:
      "¡Venga a Biloxi!"
      and straightway they came!)

      As water that surges o'er shoreline and road,
      Inverted my Lexus, deluged my abode,
      So rising and diving and rushing he comes!
      He lands on the roof, nearly crushing my thumbs,

      Then in an instant unloading his workers--
      All of them machos; no loafers or shirkers!--
      Commencing at once to eyeball and measure,
      He gives me a chance to observe him at leisure.

      Un hombre viejo , yet spry as an elf,
      I just have to chuckle in spite of myself!
      Un capa worn backward, brim to the rear,
      And a mischievous grin spans from left to right ear.

      Eyes like an eagle, face hard as a gourd,
      Hands rough and calloused from handling board,
      He hikes up his jeans, gives a couple of yawns,
      As a ponderous carpenter's tool belt he dons,

      Worn like a gunslinger, cocked `round the hips
      And a rolled cigarrillo hangs down from his lips!
      He stands but a moment, then straight to his work,
      Defying that storm with an arrogant smirk!

      In the blink of an eye a new roof they do muster--
      No need for blue tarps, no insurance adjuster!
      Then, stroking the mustache that grows `neath his nose,
      He calls out, "¡Muchachos, aquí! ¡Vámanos!"

      He loads up his half-ton; His boot on the brakes
      As revving the engine, a wheelie he makes!
      But I hear him exclaim as they fly off, con moxy,
      "¡De nada, y vaya con Dios, Biloxi!"

                                                                                  -  P.S.

  •  I know they don't think logically, but... (4.00)
    ... if America is supposedly a "Christian country" (with a majority of Christians)... and there is supposedly some sort of "War on Christmas" (waged against Christians), then who exactly is on the "other side" of this "War"?

    (are there enough quotation marks there?)

    And anyway, as others have pointed out, wouldn't it be more fitting for true Christians to be protesting the commercialization of Christmas?  "Don't use our Savior's birth to sell your cheap crap!"  

    This trend of churches "closing on Christmas" is ridiculous -- so that church members can "be with their families."  Isn't the POINT of a HOLY DAY to be with your family ... in CHURCH?!  

    Eeek.  Look at me ranting.  Off with the caps lock...  I have just had it with this ridiculous non-issue being used an excuse to get the wingers all riled up.  Their persecution complex is getting old and tired.

    (Thanks Hunter for the laughs.)

    •  You're "absolutely right"... (none)
      I think the whole 'War on Chri$tma$' shows the groups spearheading this to be what they really are: the antichrist. Didn't the Bible warn us about these imposters?

      "Nice rant", btw, robgoblin. :o)

      Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. -- Margaret Mead

      by ilona on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:41:26 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  re: Commercialization of Christmas (none)
      Actually, that is a retread from the 60's as well... and if I were older I would say it was a retread from the 1930's... <sigh>

      The more things remain the same, the more they remain the same.

      Feloneous

      "Regarding the 700 Club: I realized that 700 is just 666 rounded up."

      by feloneouscat on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 05:49:01 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Bitter flashbacks (none)
    This post brought back some painful memories of the time I was once accosted by gangs of roving psyops shocktroopers, using cryptic musical sequences to press their subliminal mind alterations into my defenseless consciousness. The result? I named my first born "Tannenbaum." I do remember enjoying the cider and cookies however.
  •  Funniest thing so far today. (none)
    I sent it along to a friend (wingnut...)

    I'm expecting something, um... warm... in response.

    "I desire what is good. Therefore, everyone who does not agree with me is a traitor." King George III

    by ogre on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:30:36 PM PST

  •  Hunter, can I have your baby? (none)
    This does it. Husband or no, having sworn off having children or not -- I'm ready to do my part to ensure the Hunter gene pool multiplies.

    When's your next tour through Chicago?

    Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. -- Margaret Mead

    by ilona on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:31:45 PM PST

  •  Joining the battle (4.00)

    Well-behaved women seldom make history - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

    jc's designs

    by jaysea on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:32:33 PM PST

  •  Please, Hunter... PLEASE... (4.00)
    crosspost this to StreetProphets.

    "I desire what is good. Therefore, everyone who does not agree with me is a traitor." King George III

    by ogre on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:33:52 PM PST

  •  I love you n/t (none)

    True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess. Louis Nizer (1902-1994)

    by TracieLynn on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 03:38:09 PM PST

  •  New Meme (4.00)
    War on Christmas should be called "The War on Tolerance."  That's really what it is.
  •  Very well done... (none)
    But lets remember that this whole "war on Christmas"  
    issue is a straw man.
    As will be the next 5 or 6 polemic issues that are ginned up by the far right. Why? Fund raising.
    Whipping the base, get the pumps primed. Get ready for November.
    War on Christmas? Hah. We should expose it for what it is...cheap polemic fundraising.
  •  New frontpagers? (none)
    Kos, let Hunter stay :( Everything he writes kicks ass
  •  Bless you! BEST GIFT of the "season!" (none)
    What a delight!  Almost peed my pants.

    Now, as I venture out into the fray, say a prayer my struggling Main Street is free of roadside bombs.  I hear Wal-Mart and mall owners have formed a Coalition of the Willing-To-Do-Anything-For-Dear-Leader.  There's a rumored China connection to the effort, but that's not been confirmed.  However, the 3 wise men have been reported as wandering around the area.  They've been homeless since the first shots of the war, when they were seen dodging bullets while fleeing the White House in early 2001.

    Hunter, thanks SO much.  I REALLY needed those laughs.

    Holyday greetings to you and yours!

    "We, the people..." [shall] "establish justice!"

    by trupatriot on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:08:47 PM PST

  •  Hunter (none)
    You are truly my favorite kosite. I know people use kossack or koser, but I prefer kosite.

    Anyway, loved your post, and the best part is never really knowing what is real and what is satire. Either way I enjoy it all the time.

  •  i so look forward (none)
    to being able to recommend your diaries, hunter!
  •  CLASSIC!!! (none)
    OMG!  Hunter, you are the greatest.  I'm at work struggling not to break out in loud ass laughter reading this.

    Thanks for brightening an otherwise dark day!!!

  •  Wonderful, Hunter (none)
    that darn Catholic Church I attend insists on being open on BOTH Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I gotta show up.  And because it's Christmas, I got to give them $2 instead of $1 in collection.  You got it good.

    The beneficiaries are likely to be...large corporations and development firms. (O'Connor, J. dissenting in Kelo). God bless you, J. O'Connor.

    by xanthe on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:23:25 PM PST

  •  I am Christian ... (none)
    but this year I am just calling it Holiday. As I said in my LJ, it makes Baby Jesus giggle.
  •  wow (none)
    But they had the DVD player like I was looking for, and at twentyfive bucks each I got two of them so the kids don't have to share.

    effin' brilliant!

  •  This is the funniest thing I've seen all day. (none)
    I'm in a better mood now. Thanks.
  •  Now I did a bit of reading the other night. (none)
    There's a couple of details to this whole sorry half witted argument that is being put about  that manage to realy convince me that the pro christmas campaigner reaaly don't know what they're talking about.

    If you were arguing this you would have to have researchers, and they would have checked you weren't making a complete idiot of yourself.

    You'de have to check that seasons greetings wasn't the general Christian greeting from at least a hundred and fifty years before the first recorded use of the word Christmas wouldn't you

    otherwise you'd be made to look a right Fool by some aged professor who's used to shouting people down

  •  fucking brilliant! (none)
    pathetically accurate...sigh
  •  Sensational satire! (none)
    A forceful and witty portrayal of how so many of Christ's advocates adopt roles as warriors and bodyguards whose main missions are to defend Christ the Lord. But in so doing, disregard their Lord's most important teachings. The whole thing is pathological.

    "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." -- William Shakespeare, As You Like It

    by Eloi Scientist on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 04:57:08 PM PST

  •  A good read about John {phony} Gibson (4.00)
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...

    According to Media Matters for America's tally, Fox News has aired nearly 60 separate segments on the Christ-hating craze this season. For Gibson's publisher it's a dream come true; non-stop televised publicity that reaches the target audience of cranky conservatives who have shown again and again their eager willingness to send partisan books rocketing up the best-sellers list. Talk about sitting back and counting the money, right?

    Wrong. Despite an avalanche of mentions on Fox News, The War on Christmas continues to do disappointing business. It's nowhere near breaking through the New York Times best-seller's list. It's not even included on USA Today's expanded list of the top 150 best selling books. In fact, according to Amazon.com's sales rankings, The War on Christmas is stuck in the 200's; No. 286 to be specific. The book has sold approximately 30,000 copies since hitting book store shelves nearly two months ago. That'd be decent business for a first-time non-fiction writer. But for a Fox News anchor whose employer won't stop plugging the title, that sales total is middling at best, which only confirms how manufactured Fox News' crusade is -- even its loyal, Red State viewers aren't buying it.

    UPDATE; War's woes continue. Today the book slides down to No. 364 at Amazon. (Thanks hapkidokid .)

  •  all these comments (none)
    And no one has clued me on "What Would Jesus Buy?"

    Time is short and I've been searching and searching for some fucking clue so I know what to buy at Wal-mart.

  •  I can practically hear the harmonica music (none)
    And visualize the scan-and-pan of the "Ken Burns effect" over the sepia-tone photographs of the shopping mall.

    Dick Cheney is one persian cat short of being a James Bond villain.

    by Malacandra on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 05:48:43 PM PST

  •  Awesome! (none)

    In prison, Tom Delay will no doubt be called 'the Hummer' by his fellow convicts.

    by soonergrunt on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 05:58:11 PM PST

  •  Funny stuff (none)
    Kudos.

    And here, I thought "Happy holidays" was a good greeting to use toward the end of the year, cause people typically celebrate Thanksgiving, New Years, and possibly some religious or cultural holiday like Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc.

    •  I disagree (none)
      I never cared for the "happy holidays" thing.  I don't think it's inclusive at all.  My religion has no holidays at this time.  I don't really see how atheists would prefer it either.

      I'd be perfectly happy going back to "merry Christmas."  I'd rather see us celebrating additional holidays, adding Rosh Hashana, Diwali, Ramadan, etc, to the ones commonly observed than replacing Christmas with a vague "Holiday."

      A gaffe in Washington is when you tell the truth and people act surprised.

      by hotshotxi on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 06:22:14 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  And Hunter is Santa... (none)
    giving us word-presents.

    We open them. Admire their beauty. Understand their worth.

    And say... Happy Holidays.

    Lake George. Named after a cretin. Located in New Orleans.

    by Lumiere on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 06:04:42 PM PST

  •  Only 15 days until Giftmas (none)
    Buy now, and we'll thrown in free entry to Heaven! But wait! There's more... If you spend $1000 or more at any of the above mentioned stores, we'll come and remove that pesky homeless guy you pass every day on the street. Hurry! This is a limited time offer!


    It is not Morally Wrong, an affront to God, or a threat to Homeland Security to question George W. Bush's destructive policies. - one of the shirts I designed

    by carneasadaburrito on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 06:27:23 PM PST

  •  and, aunt Mabel? (none)
    don't forget the fruitcake!
    your F'ing fruitcake is the best!
  •  Merry Christmas Hunter (none)
    You damn pagan you.  :)
  •  Oh my, I've got wine all over my keyboard (none)
    Hunter, this was hilarious.  I snorted Cabernet at "so the kids don't have to share."

    Priceless.

    I salute you.

    And a Merry Fucking Christmas to you too!

  •  War On Christmas exposed! (none)
    This is the fault of the Liberals! Yup we Liberals let it happen! Just like Bush let 911 happen. We saw the memo last year and did nothing about it. Bill Oreilly started this a year ago, Dobson picked up the ball and handed it off to Robertson and then all the Christmas sheep started ranting. We let it happen because we were to busy with our "Holiday cards"! I am calling on a special Kos panel to investigate. And so there is balance on the results I would like to see some of those Christmas people involved also.

    On a more serious note, I was a little troubled that we even wasted time on this at first. Then I realized how frickin' funny it was. Then came this great thread and all the funny comments. I'll think we need more humorous posts because you people are on fire with the funny comments!

    I laughed the whole time I was reading. Well until I came to the dead dog part. That sucks and I can feel the pain. I have a friend who has a dog that seems to like me more than my friend. He is an old dog now and when he dies I think I might shed some tears. I didn't even shed tears when my girlfriend and I broke up! Although I must say we break up every year in December it saves money on gifts!

    We have much to be tahnkful for this year. All the hard work that we have done is paying off. it took six years but we "stayed the course". I think we should take 2006 and declare war on the media.

    Happy Holidays! Ooops errr umm Merry Christmas.

    Let's see the people who started the war on Christmas.

    Bill OReilly..Hmmmm Isn't he the one who spoke of vibrators and sexually harrassed an intern? Didn't he settle the case?

    Rush Anal Cyst Limbaugh..Hmmm isn't he the drug addict that called druggies scum and said they are the real problem with America?

    Pat CULT Robertson..ahh to hell with even attempting to talk about him. The good news is that his ministry was down 20 million in the last few years.

  •  "I" & the "Y" (none)
    One has an "I", and one has a "Y". One is about the self, and one is about the Holy Mystery.

    I thought you were going to say: "... One is about the self, and one is about the male chromosome"

  •  hunter you rock (none)
    please tell me why my neon dashboard jesus transformer g.i. democracy doll comes from china?

    he sure looks cute with his cross and his torturer kit though!

    got to convert those poor heathens somehow...

    why? just kos..... *just cause*

    by melo on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 07:54:43 PM PST

  •  Barbequed Jesus (none)
    Hilarious!  Reminds me of a great gift idea:  a George Foreman grill.  Thanks!

    ...and they passed in thought out to regions where pain and delight flow together and tears are the very wine of blessedness.

    by rlharry on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 07:57:11 PM PST

  •  About the use of the word "war" (none)
    Didn't an NBA player get in trouble a few years ago for saying that the Championship series was a "war" and he talked about gathering all his weapons to "go to war" against the other team?  

    I just remember people getting all upset because we are at war and they didn't appreciate his flippant use of the word "war".

    I'd like to see Bill O'Reilly or John Gibson complaining about him, because I can almost guarantee that they did.  'Twould be nice if someone could find video clips perhaps....

    May this find you in good health and good spirits, and if you're lucky, under the influence of the latter.

    by Dapremonster on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 08:23:44 PM PST

  •  I LOVE the smell of tinsel in the morning! (none)
    Queue "Ride of the Valkyries"....

    Image hosted by Photobucket.com

  •  Trailer Park Boys (none)
    Anyone see the Trailer Park Boys Christmas Special? There's a message the right wing can embrace. Let's see, Ricky tries selling mariajuana outside the church before midnight mass; Mr Lahey gets smashed on rum and dresses up as Santa (a red bathrobe, a hockey sock for a hat, and a white plastic grocery bag hooked on his ears); Lucy gives Julian a mistletoe belt buckle; Randy prostitutes himself outside a burger joint dressed as an elf; and all the while Julian runs his Christmas re-marketing scheme (stealing presents, lights and trees and reselling them). But hey, at least they always say "Christmas" and never "holidays".

    Image hosted by Photobucket.com
    "Christmas is about getting drunk and stoned with your family."

  •  This is hysterical (none)
    and i laughed and laughed, but really, even "Christmas Bill" knows this is a fake issue.  He just wanted to make shit up because he could.  And it worked.  How are they so successful in making issues out of thin air?  Even if they lose the issue, they at least control the ability to make issues.  All of the posters here, including me, are talking about this instead of hammering the administration about the "lying and dying".

    btw, I would link my diary a few days agi about how Bing Crosby hated America/Christmas, but i don't know how to make a link in a comment.

    •  A Guide to Linking Text to Other Sites (none)
      The HTML tag for linking comments is above the 'subject' field in the comments input page of this site.  It is the 3rd HTML tag listed.  There is no guidance as to what the different elements of this tag are exactly, so one might be baffled if one has not worked with HTML.

      I have written the process for you as specific steps which you can follow if you want to try this. I had to use verbose syntax to explain them to you, (otherwise, this site's comments  engine would interpret  my  HTML examples  as real instructions making them invisible on posting) - just follow the steps below (type only boldfaced charachters) and compare your final syntax with the example this site gives, i.e. make sure all the tag elements are there and spelled & spaced correctly:

      1. Get the exact URL address that you are linking to (http://www.whatever.com, etc.) and copy it into memory (as in a copy paste operation).

      2. Start typing your text body to just before the word(s) you want to be the highlighted link.

      3. type: < followed by a href=""> (space only between "a" & "href").

      4. Paste your URL between the quotation marks.

      5. Immediately after the "> tag, type the exact word(s) you want to be your highlighted link ("linked text" in the HTML tag guide, above the 'subject' field in the comments input page).

      6. type: < followed by /a>, (no spaces) at the end of the word(s) you want to be your highlighted link.  Continue with your normal text after that.

      Everything between your first < and last > should resemble, in form, the HTML tag for linking shown above the comment input/subject fields.  When you preview or post, the link should be evident and work, provided the URL links properly/is functional.
  •  You all are so kind (none)
    My dog Shana was a Shepherd/Husky mix. Very sweet disposition. Everyone loved her because she loved everyone. My kids' inner circle of friends were there to support our kids and circled Shana when we called to say that she may be dying.

    They stayed at our house during the countless Hellish hours that my wife and I were there at the vet's.

    What makes this so devastating was that we left the vet's with some hope since the IV hookup had made her perkier. Before the diagnostic tests were taken today, I had no idea that I was saying goodbye to her. It was more like See you later. I was fully convinced that I'd see her again, that she'd dodge this bullet.

    But cancer, Goddamned cancer of the spleen... Even if she'd had the surgery, her life expectancy would've been only 60 days, or so they say.

    We couldn't put her through that (to say nothing of the $3500 price tag).

    Psychologically, emotionally and spiritually, we humans are just not equipped to deal with death. I just cannot accept it as part of the natural order things.

    Dear God, this Christmas is going to suck.

    But all your comments, condolences, thoughts and love mean more to me than you'll ever know. Maybe I'll go back to blogging when I stop crying.

    JP
    http://jurassicpork.blogspot.com

    Defending bad taste and liberalism since 2005.

    by jurassicpork on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 10:08:59 PM PST

    •  My deepest condolences (none)
      On the loss of your dear family member!
      Our pets are part of our family for sure.

      I lost my mother a few months ago almost exactly the same way. She died of an unexpected complication but with her cancer, she would have lived probably no more than a few more months.
      But just as she was recovering from surgery, released from the hospital and showing a lot of improvement, within hours she was gone. It happened suddenly and fast.

      I do take comfort that she did not suffer and that she passed at a time when she was feeling quite upbeat and optimistic.

      But the loss is heartbreaking and I do feel your pain. Our thoughts will be you as you grieve.

      America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand-Harry S. Truman

      by wishingwell on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 10:41:49 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I hear you (none)
      As my mother was doing so well and within hours of chatting for an hour on the phone, she was gone. She had cancer but the doctor even called me shocked that it happened.  I had no idea the last time I spoke to her would be our last. The same exact thing that happened to your dog also happened to ours a few years back. Our dog ( an American Eskimo) simply had a case of diarrhea, within hours, she was gone at the Vet' office and in the middle of the night after we left.  

      America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand-Harry S. Truman

      by wishingwell on Fri Dec 09, 2005 at 10:45:05 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Shana (none)
      Your comments made me so sad reading them.
      I hesitate to comment because what's on my mind is going to sound trite to you I think.
      But we've taken in many abused animals that came from horrific miserable lives.  The Inn is full right now.
      (okay...the S.O wouldn't appreciate the "we". It's me. )

      And because of their "compromised" mental/physical health situations, no matter how hard we tried, we've lost some, no matter how much money we gave the Vets.  

      It used to bring me to my knees in grief.
      I had a real hard time dealing with some of the losses.
      All I could see was the agony of their death. And feel my breaking heart.

      Through the years, I knew I had to get myself to a better place or I could not continue taking in these animals.
      I was ready to give up.
      Until I realized that would only help me.
      And this was never about me.

      So through some soul searching  I was able to get to that better place.
      I now am able to focus on the life we gave them here.
      Whether it was years, or just months, we gave them  what everyone wants and needs.
      Just one thing.
      A life filled with love and a gentle heart and gentle hands.

      That's all what your dog needed and wanted.
      And that's all she got.
      What a life.
      What an incredible life you gave her.
      I mean she lived. She really really lived.

      Nothing. Nothing. Nothing last forever.
      You're right.
      Humans are not equipped to deal with death because we only look at like a loss.  
      Which is strange. Because nothing lasts forever.
      Death goes hand in hand with life.
      Tes - it's the natural order. If anything is born is must die.
      I guess we just think it shouldn't come for hundred years or so.
      Even then we'd ask for another hundred.
      So this is where the trite comes in...but I hope that when your tears don't burn your heart so much, you can see the beautiful life you gave her, instead of the death that you think overshadowed that life.

      If there's just one book that I wish you would read, it's The Loss of Pet by Wallace Sife, PhD.
      Please please think about buying it. I say this because you sound so devasted and I so know this would help a lot.
      With the loss of both humans and animals.

      You said this Christmas would suck.
      I would say that you gave her some of the best Christmas's ever.  
      I would say that you gave her more love than a whole bunch of people and animals could ever hope for.
      Again, what a life she you gave her.
      What a life she had.

      Christine


      "What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal."
      Albert Pike


      "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
      Norman Cousins

      The Loss of a Pet, by Wallace Sife, PhD
      From Publishers Weekly
      If you snicker at the notion of a book devoted to pet bereavement, consider that that very lack of sympathy may have brought the book into being. Sife, a Brooklyn, N.Y.-based psychotherapist and the founder of the Association for Pet Bereavement, addresses the pet owner whose grief at a pet's death is largely misunderstood or even ridiculed by friends, associates and society in general. Although his topic easily lends itself to touchy-feely disquisitions, Sife is to be commended for offering information that is not only compassionate but concise, wide-ranging and, above all, practical. For example, he defines stages of grieving, interpolating case studies to demonstrate those instances where expressions of mourning mask deeper problems. He composes dignified rejoinders to those who launch a "perceived assault" on the reader's grief; explains why the rupture of a human-animal bond can be so devastating; offers specific techniques for dealing with anger; explores the special needs of children whose pets die; presents various factors involved in considering euthanasia, including such particulars as whether or not it is beneficial to remain with the pet until its final breath; and polls leaders of various religions. A superb contribution to a growing field.
      Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.--
  •  My battle cry in the War on Christmas: (none)
    Mankind shall not be free until the last elf is strangled in the entrails of the last reindeer.
  •  Oh crap, Hunter! (none)
    You made me choke on a gummy bear and then I made too much noise laughing and woke the kids up. Also, I think I peed in my pants--just a little bit.
  •  WIERD? (none)
    "he was wearing a yarmulke (Is that how you spell it? Wierd, but I looked it up)."

    Flame away.... but Aunt Mabel reminds you that should be "WEIRD".

  •  TO: Texan in Maryland (none)
    Sounds like us Episcopalians are in the front lines of the proverbial War on Christmas.

    Wonder how many Chinese slave laborers will be put out of work if progressive Christians refuse to get caught up this year in the capitalistic orgy that this religious celebration has deteriorated into?

    After all, the holidays are designed to make sure that the economy is healthy, first and foremost. God forbid that we should celebrate and worship something besides the almighty dollar.

  •  There is no winning with these people. (none)
    You concede a point, they just ramp up the demand.  

    I said "Merry Christmas" to a Christianist I know.  He smirked and replied pointedly, "Have a BLESSED Christmas," as if wishing someone "merry" was just too riotously pagan for him.  

    Then there is the couple down the street whose "Christmas" lights consist of a big cross with Jesus' robe draped over it.  It looks soooooo doleful, let me tell you.  

    I keep wanting to lean out the car window as I drive by and shout, "Hey, lighten up!  Jesus was BORN on Christmas day.  He doesn't get nailed to that thing for another three or four months at least!"

    Jeez! If you'll excuse the expression.

    •  Reminds me of growing up in the South (none)
      where the U Tenn football stadium is the largest in the US and Babtist churches are as big as Walmarts. After Easter services we were in some wildly popular cafeteria, and one of my father's cronies came over to our table, a huge blustery guy, and bellowed: "Y'all have a BIG Easter."

      Shit, now I'm picturing a BIG Jesus preaching the Beatitudes: "Blessed are the meek.."

      Bumpersticker: "I refuse to let Democrats pass on the right."

      by omfreebogart on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 08:30:28 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  My neighbor... (none)
      Has a Santa Jesus outside her house...  poor dear... the inside's not much better...  lots of tacky stuff.  she is a very sweet lady... but the santa Jesus is just too much!

      Thanks,

      Mike

  •  Sheer Fucking Genius! (none)
    This has prepared me to go out and join the Mall Warriors on the front lines!

    Paging Doctor Dean.

    by ABBinMI on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 09:07:36 AM PST

  •  Onece upon a time (none)
    I was put in charge of the Xmas party at work.  Instead of a gift exchange or Kris Kringle, I decided we should each bring a toy for the Firefighters Toys for Tots program.  Everyone did so dutifully, & we got a lot of thanks & recognition from the firefighters.  But the next & every year after the people at work scrapped the idea in favor of buying each other chachkes & crap.   I have since not participated in the Xmas party.  I tell them I'm contributing to Toys for Tots.  

    It's funny how I come off as the scrooge.  This year, I'll clean out the closets & give coats,  blankets & socks to the poor & the homeless.  & some dollar bills to the people begging on the streets.

    Season's Greetings!

    The future ain't what it used to be. Yogi Berra

    by x on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 09:15:51 AM PST

  •  Brilliant (none)
    There was one place that had a little nativity scene, and that was cool, but the baby Jesus was laying in a manger and instead of straw, they had little optical fibers that glowed all sorts of different colors. But sometimes it glowed RED, because that was one of the colors in the cycle, and when that happened it looked like they were trying to barbecue the Baby Jesus and I had to leave.

    But I heard that KFC was planning to change their name back to "Kentucky Fried Chicken."  They don't want anyone getting too comfortable.

  •  The Holiday front lines: Military base in Germany (none)
    I was dragged to the Santa sighting this morning where they were giving away three free color pictures of your kid with Santa.  In three separate locations,  they were also giving away ten $1 coupons (limit of one per item) for your children to use while they shopped until their little hearts were content.

    When off to my right I heard a woman that was just horrified to discovered that the cheap SOBs were only allowing one Santa dollar per item, the Cheap Bastards!  What kind of nerve they have!

    I know.  It is hard to believe.  These commercial empires should embrace the true meaning of Christmas and allow the "people" to get the best shopping deals that they possibly can.  Where is their Christmas spirit?  I mean, Jesus would want us, I mean our children, to use all ten Santa bucks on one item.  Right?

  •  Christine, et. al (none)
    Thank you again for your kind comments and sympathy. Christine, you comments are not trite and God will be kinder to you for making a difference in the lives of all the animals you've taken in. You're right. It's never about us.

    Shana was a rescue from the pound. We watched HOMEWARD BOUND about ten years ago and my then-ten-year-old daughter started blubbering uncontrollably. She missed a dog that the family had owned a few years ago and my wife and I looked at eachother and knew what the other was thinking. A day or two later, we went to the town pound and brought Shana home. Her family had abandoned her after she got loose and we shudder to think how close she came to the gas chamber.

    How she went yesterday morning, even while we couldn't be there, was much preferable. She was cuddled and held by compassionate veterinarian professionals. It's not the same as us being there but my wife tells me they'd informed her that they waited until she was asleep.

    We should get her ashes back just before Christmas. My wife and I, this spring, will build a memorial garden in her honor complete with a stone with her name on it, including a bench for contemplation.

    I cannot imagine ever being able to stop crying. The house just seems soooo much bigger since we took her to the vet's thursday night. I still haven't got the courage to put away her food and water bowl and I get the urge to fill both up when I see they're empty. Then the waterworks begin again.

    We still haven't told our college-aged kid, as per his wishes, especially sincxe he has mid-terms coming up. But when he comes home in a week or two full of holiday cheer, I dread the moment when he has to be told when both dogs don't greet him at the door. He, of all three kids, was especially close to her.

    God help us but this hurts.

    Why do we do this to ourselves? But, as Tennyson says, "It's better to have loved and lost..."

    JP
    http://jurassicpork.blogspot.com

    Defending bad taste and liberalism since 2005.

    by jurassicpork on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 11:48:18 AM PST

  •  Freep this (none)
    Do you believe there is really a war on Christmas?
    49 YES
    51 NO
    Link

    (-7.50 -6.31) If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them. --Adlai Stevenson

    by arkdem on Sat Dec 10, 2005 at 04:33:28 PM PST

  •  Doubleplusgood, Hunter. Doubleplusgood. (none)
  •  LOL! (none)
    Hunter! LOL!

    I must say, in total awe and amazement...I have never suffered such a total slow-motion, double-nostril, drawn-out coffee gag/spray before!  It sneaks up on you! ;-)

    Oh my employer won't appreciate the brown ichor now sprayed, in fits and starts, all over my desk...

    But I salute you, oh maestroly muse of the verboten pen! ;-)

    It is amazing how much can be accomplished when you don't care who gets the credit - Harry Truman PoliticalCompass.org Scale: -2.13, -2.97

    by floundericiousMI on Mon Dec 12, 2005 at 11:19:57 AM PST

    •  BTW... (none)
      ..can I get a few of your paper towels?

      It is amazing how much can be accomplished when you don't care who gets the credit - Harry Truman PoliticalCompass.org Scale: -2.13, -2.97

      by floundericiousMI on Mon Dec 12, 2005 at 11:20:28 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

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