WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court today refused to hear an appeal filed on behalf of Tom DeLay, the disgraced former Congressman who has been at the center of a recent constitutional dispute surrounding the President's detainee policies in the War on Criminality.
Mr. DeLay, designated an "enemy combatant" in the War on Criminality, has been in solitary confinement at an undisclosed location since February, when a federal appeals court stripped him of his rights as a U.S. citizen. After today's refusal by the Supreme Court to hear an appeal, the February ruling will now stand. Mr. DeLay's status remains unknown.
"We're obviously disappointed," said one of the attorneys who filed the appeal on Mr. DeLay's behalf. "We don't know where Tom is, if he's being treated humanely, whether he has access to medical care--anything. And now, I guess, we never will know."
"It's like he's been disappeared," said a former hill staffer who was once close to Mr. DeLay. Minutes after speaking to reporters, both this former hill staffer and the attorney quoted above were detained for questioning.
At the White House, the press secretary read a brief statement hailing the Court's decision:
"The President is pleased with the wisdom shown by the Supreme Court today. The Court has chosen to respect presidential authority and the separation of powers. We are a nation at war, fighting an enemy that lurks in the shadows, intent on doing us harm. Those like Mr. DeLay--who would resort to criminality as a means of testing our resolve--must be put on notice: you are the enemy, and we have you in our sights."
In accordace with a recently implemented White House policy, the press secretary then distributed a list of answers to any questions members of the press might have. Among these answers were, "The President has a charge to keep and stands firm in his resolve to rid the world of criminality," "The President disagrees with those who think we should grant criminals special rights," "I dispute the premise of your question," and, "It sounds like you want the criminals to win."
After today's announcement, a spontaneous demonstration in support of the President and the Countercriminality Czar erupted in the National Free Speech Zone, just a few blocks from the Supreme Court building. Demonstrators holding signs reading, "We agree!" and "God Bless You Mr. President!" cheered the decision and sang patriotic songs.
Editorial note: Two "unimportant" paragraphs from the original draft of this article were removed by White House officials prior to publication. Also, the original author of this article has been detained for questioning. Finally, the person who put "unimportant" in ironic quote marks just now--he's also been detained for questioning.