Continuing the Diary Police rant started (continued?) by
Bob Johnson, I have an entry as well. What are my qualifications? Well, this
IS my third diary. Well, technically my
only diary of a remotely original nature. But I still want you to read it.
Seriously.
C'mon. What are ya, chicken?
Grammar Crackers"
Paul Brannigan, with inspiration from Anthony Smart
ON GRAMMAR IN GENERAL
Grammar does not exist any more than natural laws do. In the case of "Natural Law", as it's called, we have developed a series of abstractions into theories in order that we might better think and communicate about the natural world. In the case of grammar, we have a set of abstractions that we have developed in order that we can better think and communicate with strength and clarity. A bumblebee can not violate the laws of aerodynamics, as was once proclaimed, but it certainly can show us how shortsighted those laws are. In terms of a person's expression through words, you cannot do anything illegal. There are times, however, when that expression can be made more effective. Adhering more closely to recognizable convention in these terms might be the first place to start. Following are some of the more common problems I have noted.
ECONOMY OF WORDS
Use as few as possible.
HYPHENS
Use hyphens to create one word out of two: "cause-specific" is one example; spelling out a large number such as "ninety-four" is another.
Use hyphens when modifying a verb by another word or group of words that can not take the adverbial "-ly" ending, such as with "torture-related" memos.
Because the "-ly" ending's specific purpose is none other than to link the modifier with the verb it modifies, using a hyphen is superfluous, perhaps even perverse. "Mentally-challenged neoconservative" is an infamous culprit.
In general, if you don't need to use the hyphen, then don't.
PARENTHESES
When qualifying a statement, parentheses should be used as infrequently as possible; often they can be eliminated outright. More often they indicate a need to re-form the sentence by introducing that information in another way. Because parentheses are a grammatical means of saying "by the way" (coming from the Greek word Parentithenai, meaning "to put aside"), you should stop to consider how far aside you should put it. If the sentence reads clearly without the parenthesis, take it out. If what you are saying within the parenthesis needs to be said, perhaps it should have its own sentence or clause. If it doesn't need to be said, don't say it.
BIZARRE GRAMMATICAL SPECIES: i.e., e.g., etc., and viz.
Not only should these be avoided whenever possible, there should be open season on them. They are syntactical vermin. More often than not, phrases like "that is," and "for example," work just as well while interrupting the reader less.
It is unnecessary to use any of these within parentheses. This is due to the fact that a parenthetical statement is already an aside. Placing an i.e. inside of a parenthesis is akin to saying: "i.e., that is to say...".
BULLETS
These are used to itemize, or call attention to, a noteworthy paragraph or sentence. When bullets are used, they should be close enough to identify the line that the author wishes to designate. For example:
* And the field mice all ran away screaming, "Ha! The only crisis with Social Security is the Republican effort to destroy it."
versus,
* Then all the field mice organized and fought back and were able to retire in comfort and independence because the Democrats had once again saved the day.
It is also helpful if there is a return after the last line in order to differentiate between the bulleted lines and continuing text.
Additional excellent advice on writing user-friendly documents can be found in brief publications that are promulgated by the Plain Language Action Network (PLAN).
FINAL TIPS
The following writing tips, originally composed by Frank L. Viscolt and published in Writer's Digest in 1986, give clear, amusing examples of common writing errors.
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.