The following is a secret transcript of a meeting between US President George W Bush and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice in anticipation of Chinese President Hu's state visit.
Rice: The Chinese President arrives shortly.
Bush: Who's the Chinese President?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy in charge of China.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The President.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy coming...
Rice: Hu is in charge.
Bush: I'm asking YOU who's in charge!
Rice: That's the man's name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: Well go ahead and tell me.
Rice: That's it.
Bush: That's who?
Rice: Yes.
PAUSE
Bush: Look, those Chinese gotta leader?
Rice: Certainly.
Bush: Who's leading?
Rice: That's right.
Bush: When the Chinese pay their President every month, who gets the money?
Rice: Every dollar of it.
Bush: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy that gets...
Rice: That's it.
Bush: Who gets the money...
Rice: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Bush: Whose wife?
Rice: Yes.
PAUSE
Rice: What's wrong with that?
Bush: Look, all I wanna know is when the Chinese President signs this accord, how does he sign his name?
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: How does he sign...
Rice: That's how he signs it.
Bush: Who?
Rice: Yes.
PAUSE
Bush: When are you gonna tell me the President's name?
Rice: No. Wen is the Chinese Premier.
Bush: I'm not asking you who's the Premier.
Rice: Hu's the President.
Bush: One office at a time!
Rice: Well, don't change the leaders around.
Bush: I'm not changing nobody!
Rice: Take it easy, George.
Bush: I'm only asking you, who's the President?
Rice: That's right.
Bush: Ok.
Rice: All right.
PAUSE
Bush: When is the President coming?
Rice: No. Wen is the Premier.
Bush: I'm not asking you who's the Premier.
Rice: Hu's the President.
Bush: You puttin' me on?
Rice: Putin's the Russian President, we're not talking about him.
Bush: Now how did I get to Russia?
Rice: Why you mentioned his name.
Bush: If I mentioned the Russian President's name, who did I say is in charge of Russia?
Rice: No. Hu's in charge of China.
Bush: When is he coming?
Rice: Wen's the Premier.
Bush: Stop puttin me on!
Rice: He's the Russian President.
Bush: There I go, back to Russia again!
PAUSE
Bush: Would you just stay on Russia and don't go off it.
Rice: All right, what do you want to know?
Bush: Now who's in charge of Russia?
Rice: Why do you insist on putting Hu in charge of Russia?
Bush: When am I putting him in charge of Russia?
Rice: No. Wen is the Chinese Premier.
Bush: You want who as the Chinese Premier?
Rice: Hu is the President.
Bush: Stop puttin' me on!
Rice & Bush Together: Russia!
PAUSE
Bush: You know I'm a President too.
Rice: So they tell me.
Bush: Now, I invite the Chinese President to the White House. We talk a little while and then we have a Press conference. Who is standing next to me?
Rice: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Bush: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Rice: That's all you have to do.
Bush: Is to stand next to the Chinese President.
Rice: Yes!
Bush: Now who is it?
Rice: Naturally.
PAUSE
Bush: Look, if I stand next to the Chinese President, somebody's gotta be there. Now who is it?
Rice: Naturally.
Bush: Who?
Rice: Naturally.
Bush: Naturally?
Rice: Naturally.
Bush: So I stand next to Naturally?
Rice: No you don't, you stand next to Hu.
Bush: Naturally.
Rice: That's different.
Bush: That's what I said.
Rice: You're not saying it...
Bush: I stand next to Naturally.
Rice: You stand next to Hu.
Bush: Naturally.
Rice: That's it.
Bush: That's what I said!
Rice: You ask me.
Bush: I stand next to who?
Rice: Naturally.
Bush: Now you ask me.
Rice: You stand next Hu.
Bush: Naturally.
Rice: That's it.
Bush: So...
Rice: What?
Bush: I just said So.
Rice: Oh, Soe's the Prime Minister of Myramar. He's coming here next week.
(originally posted at Hoot at the Dark)