The Bush Administration today announced intelligence indicating that the Social Security Trust Fund may be harboring Weapons of Mass Destruction.
"Our office has developed intelligence indicating that the Social Security Trust Fund sought weapons of mass destruction in the 1990s" said John P. Nochio of the Pentagon's Office of Strategic Lying to the American Public or OSLAP.
Mr. Nochio claimed that OSLAP has copies of memos indicating that the Trust Fund successfully purchased "mustard", taken to mean mustard gas, from the roque government of Freedonia, a country in central Africa, or perhaps South America. "Furthermore, we know that this material had already been weaponized because the documents, signed by Prime Minister Firefly himself, refer to it as "prepared"", Mr. Nochio added.
Asked by a reporter how reliable the Adminstration considered the source, Mr. Nochio said "This material comes from a source so secret, even we don't know who it is. Why don't you try Bob Novak?".
Secretary of Misstatement designate Condeleeza Rice, speaking separately, stressed the need for immediate action against the Social Security Trust Fund. "We must reduce benefits now. We don't want our first notice of this to be a giant smoking mustard cloud over some American city. Unless maybe it's San Francisco. Or New York. Or Boston or Chicago. Well, we don't want a smoking mustard cloud over some suburban area, anyway."
When asked to clarify her statement Dr. Rice commented "I don't remember making any such statement."