On September 5, 1977 the Voyager I interplanetary probe was launched toward the outer reaches of our solar system. Onboard was a 12-inch gold-plated copper disk containing information about our civilization, including the image of a human hand raised in a gesture of good will.
Shortly after launch, probes from the star system $@%@# intercepted Voyager and decoded the welcoming message. A landing party of 2 aliens was immediately dispatched to planet Earth. Due to temporal differences in $@%@# warp drives, the two arrived several years before Voyager was actually launched.
The team leader known as "Dick Cheney" landed in Washington, DC in August, 1974. His assignment: "Take me to your leader." He was immediately hired as Deputy Assistant to President Ford, soon being promoted to White House Chief of Staff. In following decades he inserted additional tentacles into the House of Representatives, the Department of Defense, corporate America, and finally back to within a heartbeat of the Presidency.
The landing craft with rookie crew member known as "Dennis Kucinich" experienced navigational malfunctions and landed in Cleveland, Ohio. He was soon elected Mayor of the city, which he then led into bankruptcy. After observing "Earth normal life" as a reporter and energy consultant, he was elected to the House of Representatives. Today his is running for the Democratic Presidential nomination.
The Kucinich probe recognized the need for a "human spouse" to legitimize his quest for power. The Cheney probe recognized the need for the female child unit to obtain a "male spouse" to offset the gay marriage raybeam. A phony contest called Who wants to be a First Lady? matched the two up.
In the decisive election to install one of the two $@%@#s a leader of the world's greatest superpower...