For the safety and security of the person(s) involved, I cannot reveal how these authenticated pages of
The Poetry of Dick Cheney came into my possession.
These poems were scribbled in the pages of a handsome, leather-bound, oiled Moleskine Journal.
I am reproducing some of the poems here to offer insight into the mind of the man who many call "The Dark Lord." Please leave your reactions and comments, below.
Thank you.
Read on for Dick Cheney's poems...
Beauty
Halle Berry, Halliburton.
Both
are fine
by me.
Dumbfuck
George, the fool,
Makes his old man look like a genius,
And he was a tool,
too.
My Ticker
It stops,
It starts,
I flops,
I farts,
I wish I had,
Two hearts!
A back-up ticker,
That wouldn't flicker,
When the first one quits.
It thumps,
It skips,
Me rumps,
Me hips,
They hit the floor,
Me pants splits.
A back-up ticker,
A constant clicker,
When the first one quits.
In fits,
And starts,
It spits,
It darts,
I wish I had,
Two hearts.
A back-up ticker,
A steady kicker,
When the first one quits.
Shoot the Damn Thing!
Hunting with Scalia,
My prostate acting up,
"I got to go pee-a!"
He says, "Use a cup."
Just then the geese emerge,
From `neath the hazy gauze,
Me, with little Dickie in hand,
While a bead, Salia draws.
"Shoot the damn thing," I shout!
Unable to squeeze out a drop,
While Scalia pulls his trigger,
And his gun lets out a "POP!"
"Goddamn it," Tony bellows,
"You made me miss my shot!"
"My prostate," I explain,
"Urinate, it will not."
Green
It's money I love,
More than my wife,
More than torture,
(Almost) more than life.
Not just for me,
But for my homies,
In the parlance of the press,
My "Halliburton cronies."
If I could still get hard,
And money was a hole,
I hit it every chance,
With my little Dickie pole.
I know that must sound sick,
But you may fail to comprehend,
That power comes from money,
It sends me `round the bend.
Uz Beck and Call?
I admire the Uzbeck way of extracting,
Teeth,
Fingernails,
Information.
I have more of Dick Cheney's poetry that I may add to this post as time permits.
Thank you for reading. I hope this has given you new insight into the soul (as it is) of our Vice President.
Update [2006-1-24 14:55:55 by Bob Johnson]:
An expanded selection of Mr. Cheney's poetry will be available at my blog, Satiric Mutt.