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On the heels of hyperbolic pants explosion's diary of Februrary 6 highlighting Yearly Kos Auction items, the NSA, which tracks Daily Kos on a regular basis, began firing off alarmed e-mails to the offices of the President, the Vice President and the Attorney General.

The e-mails warned these officials of a "well-funded, radical, left-wing, fringe group that is planning some sort of major 'event' for Las Vegas, June 8-11."

A friend, who is a high-ranking administration official, secretly copied the e-mail traffic between the NSA and the various parties and sent them to me at great risk to him/herself.

(Read on for more "cloak-and-dagger" intrigue...)

Below are the auction items and the critical e-mails which passed from the NSA to various administration officials concerning these items:

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Vice President
SUBJECT: re: Are these really earrings?

Mr. Vice President and Commander of All He Sees,

Upon your (repeated) requests to re-examine our initial findings that these objects were simply earrings, and, after careful review by members of our staff, we do, indeed, believe that these earrings are, as you put it, "weapons designed to inlude a posion tip used to incapacitate and kill innocent, American civilians."

As such, we will be monitoring the auction of this item.  The winning bidder will also remain under 24-hour surveillance (including all e-mail and phone traffic) through the period of the Las Vegas "event."



Winterberry Earrings

Sterling Silver & Garnet

Starting Bid: $ 9.00
Current Bid: $ 15.23 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 15:30 PST (6:30 pm EST, 3:30 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the President
SUBJECT: Yes, he was the guy on ESPN

Mr. President,

You are correct! Terrific memory, sir! Keith Olbermann used to be on ESPN! Congratulations! You win the bet with Harriet!



Rare Keith Olbermann Promo Tattoos

Mint Condition Fox Sports Promo Collectors Items

Starting Bid: $ 9.61
Current Bid: $ 15.51 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 15:45 PST (6:45 pm EST, 3:45 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Vice President
SUBJECT: Weapon conealment

Mr. Vice President and Exalted Ruler of All He Sees,

First, sir, I apologize for the screw up in your title in the last e-mail about the poison-tipped earrrings.

In answer to your query, our clothing experts agree that this garment could conceal weaponry. As such, we are monitoring this item closely and will subject the successful bidder to periodic, random, full-cavity searches whenever the garment is worn.



Vintage Dressing Gown, Size 6/8

Vintage Eames Era Glamorous Dressing Gown/Evening Robe

Starting Bid: $ 9.99
Current Bid: $ 9.99 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST
Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 16:00 PST (7:00 pm EST, 4:00 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the President
SUBJECT: Um, could be the house from "The Addams Family"

Mr. President,

Yes, it SURE DOES look like the house from "The Addams Family!"  You have a keen eye, sir! We're checking on it (again, as you requested), but we're not sure. The title of it is "Rosemont Museum" so we have sent a man to that location to see if it is, in fact, the Rosemont Museum and not the Addams Family House. Will report in short order.



Original Acrylic of Rosemount Museum, Framed (2005)

5x7 Oak-Framed, Rosemount Museum, Featured in Saturday Morning Landscape Painting on Daily Kos

Starting Bid: $ 24.99
Current Bid: $ 35.00 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 16:15 PST (7:15 pm EST, 4:15 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Attorney General
SUBJECT: Bracelet or necklace?

Mr. Attorney General,

Our intelligence confirms your suspicion that this may be a necklace being falsely sold as a bracelet. (Or did you say it was a bracelet being falsely sold as a necklace?) Regardless, one of our officers likes it and may purchase it using a phony credit card so as not enrich the terrorists.



Picasso Confetti Bracelet

Sterling Silver, Marcasite, Garnet, Swarovski Crystal, Picasso Czech Glass

Starting Bid: $ 23.00
Current Bid: $ 26.23 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 16:30 PST (7:30 pm EST, 4:30 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Vice President
SUBJECT: Definitely a Molotov Cocktail container

Mr. Vice President and Exalted and Esteemed Ruler of All He Sees,

We humbly beg a thousand pardons for application of an incorrect title to you in our last e-mail. We kneel before you and beseech your forgiveness.

Yes, this is a handsome Molotov Cocktail container. The winning bidder on this item will immediately be arrested and renditioned to Uzbekistan, as per your order.



Tom Bellhouse Blown Glass Perfume Bottle

Beautiful striped glass perfume bottle with stopper

Starting Bid: $ 45.00
Current Bid: $ 45.00 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 16:45 PST (7:45 pm EST, 4:45 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the President
SUBJECT: You are correct again, sir!

Mr. President,

Yes, yes, yes!!! Your powers of observation are superb! All of us at NSA are only wishing we had HALF of your visual and mental acuity!

YES, those are dolls and not real babies! So we agree... Who cares if a war blows up dolls? Thank you for pointing that out, sir!



Hales Print: Sunrise, Sunset (2005, oil on canvas)

11x13 giclee print of original oil painting - a haunting depiction of the costs of war

Starting Bid: $ 50.00
Current Bid: $ No bids yet as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 17:00 PST (8:00 pm EST, 5:00 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Attorney General
SUBJECT: Drug bust

Mr. Attorney General,

We believe, as you believe, that this "coffee" is not "coffee" as advertised, but rather sealed bags of a highly potent controlled substance (the nature, of which, will soon be determined through forensic testing). Will report back within 24 hours.



Special Daily Kos Coffee Bean Mix

Four 1/4-lb bags from the finest fresh-roasted beans

Starting Bid: $ 10.00
Current Bid: $ 20.50 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 17:15 PST (8:15 pm EST, 5:15 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the President
SUBJECT: We agree!

Mr. President,

YES! It DOES look like a spaceship dropping a bomb!



Blue Ice Necklace

Sterling Silver, Ice Blue Cracked Glass, Swarovski Crystal

Starting Bid: $ 17.00
Current Bid: $ 51.01 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 17:30 PST (8:30 pm EST, 5:30 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Attorney General
SUBJECT: Subversive art and literature

Mr. Attorney General,

We concur with your assessment that this constitutes dangerous, inflammatory and subversive art as defined by the statute of the Patriot Act, which, while not passed by Congress, may one day be law, and, therefore, can be construed to be in force at present.

Thus, we will confiscate these materials from the successful bidder at the time of our choosing.



Gahm: Original Oil Painting and Signed Manuscript (2005-2006)

The forces of alcoholism and the Daily Kos community documented and honored

Starting Bid: $ 24.99
Current Bid: $ 127.50 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 17:45 PST (8:45 pm EST, 5:45 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Vice President
SUBJECT: re: Heart

Mr. Vice President and Leader, Commander, and Exalted and Esteemed Ruler of All He Sees,

NO! Please do not send us to Egypt for "reconditioning." It will not happen again, sir, of that you can be certain!

Yes, this is a bracelet, yet the picture depicts this bracelet in a heart-shape. We are not sure if this heart-shaped bracelet (as it is laid out in the photo) could replace your current faltering heart, but our NSA medical staff is investigating.

Thank you for your patience and your many kindnesses, sir!



Limited-Edition Daily Kos-Themed Bracelet, 2 of 6

Carnelian, Smoky Quartz, Mother of Pearl, Swarovski Crystal, and Sterling Silver

Starting Bid: $ 30.01
Current Bid: $ 41.23 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 18:00 PST (9:00 pm EST, 6:00 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the President
SUBJECT: re: A Menace to Society

Mr. Rove,

Upon your request, we have located a photo of this subversive:

He goes by the name of "Hunter" and is prone to write detailed and well-substantiated, vicious political assaults upon people such as yourself, the President, the Vice President, the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of State and the Attorney General (among a few of the targets he has chosen for what can only be classified as "hate speech").

He is, indeed, a dangerous subversive, and any winning bidder of this item is likely to request that "Hunter" deliver a powerful and detailed attack on our leaders and their policies.

WE MUST STOP HIM IMMEDIATELY. We are requesting the President authorize our officers to "disappear" this perpetrator before the winning bidder gets his or her custom rant. Awaiting your reply.



Hunterrific Rant to Order

Mint Condition Rant by Hunter of Daily Kos on the Topic of Your Choosing

Starting Bid: $ 45.00
Current Bid: $ 122.45 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 18:15 PST (9:15 pm EST, 6:15 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the President
SUBJECT: Yes, you COULD pee on Rush Limbaugh

Mr. President,

Correct, sir! This is a bedpan with art depicting your friend, Rush Limbaugh, in the center of the bedpan. And, yes, you could also "crap" on Mr. Limbaugh. And, yes, we agree with you that the words "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" are funny.



Rush Limbaugh Bedpan Art

For Decorative Purposes Only?

Starting Bid: $ 25.00
Current Bid: $ 26.00 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 18:30 PST (9:30 pm EST, 6:30 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Attorney General, Office of the Secretary of the Interior
SUBJECT: Commie

Mr. Attorney General and Ms. Secretary of the Interior,

No doubt. Commie. Pinko. Traitor. Under authority vested in you as cabinet members, and in the President, according to an interpretation of law recently uncovered in your first year law school textbook on contract law, Mr. Attorney General, you and Secretary Norton are acting fully within your power and jurisdiction under the law to declare Cindy Sheehan an essential element of the Alaska National Wildlife Reserve, and, thus, officially open to oil and gas exploration.



Speaking Engagement with Cindy Sheehan

Have this courageous mother and powerful advocate for truth speak to your group.

Starting Bid: $ 900.00
Current Bid: No bids yet as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 18:45 PST (9:45 pm EST, 6:45 pm PST)

Place Bid

From: NSA Staff
TO: Office of the Vice President
SUBJECT: re: Go fuck yourself

Mr. Vice President and Fearless Leader, Commander, Hero, Honored One and Exalted and Esteemed Ruler of All He Sees,

NO! Please, sir! Not Libya! Anywhere but Libya! We are beating our foreheads with blunt objects as a sign of submission and contrition at the error of our ways! Please, sir, have mercy upon our souls! Not Libya!

As for the author of this book, yes, we will arrange for you to meet him, ever so briefly, so that you may deliver your satisfying epithet, "Go fuck yourself, you liberal scumbucket."

But, please, not Libya!



Autographed & Personalized "Crashing the Gate"

Personalized autograph from Markos Moulitsas

Starting Bid: $ 20.00
Current Bid: $ 41.00 as of Feb. 7, 19:00 PST

Auction Ends: Feb. 12, 19:00 PST (10:00 pm EST, 7:00 pm PST)

Place Bid

IMPORTANT NOTE REGARDING THE AUCTION:

You can keep ongoing track of all of these auctions over at this page.

The listings here have been arranged to reflect the order in which they end.  For the most part, they end 15 minutes apart, starting at 15:30 PST (6:30 pm Eastern, 3:30 Pacific), so if you're trying to track multiple auctions, you won't have to choose between any of them.

"Hunter-as-Mark-Twain" photo courtesy of Dood Abides... and you should see the additional images Dood created that I didn't use here!

                                               NOW BID AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!

The proceeds of this auction benefit the YearlyKos organization.

YearlyKos is dedicated to organizing and supporting an annual meeting of progressive netroot activists. The 2006 Yearly Kos convention will be held in Las Vegas at the Riviera Hotel, June 8 - 11, and will provide 1500 convention attendants and tens of thousands of online participants (via webcasting and live blogging) with training sessions, panel discussions, and lectures by leading lights of the blogosphere (including activists, politicians, and technical experts). Most importantly, it will provide the opportunity for progressive citizens to meet with each other and form connections.  Our auction proceeds will go toward our effort to keep the registration cost at an affordable level and include as many people as possible in this important meeting-of-minds. Non-profit status pending in the state of Pennsylvania.

Please bid generously!

For more detailed pictures of each item, click on "Place Bid" to go to the eBay auction for that item.

Update [2006-2-9 0:17:52 by Bob Johnson]:

Bid these items up! All the money goes for a great cause, and you're driving the NSA crazy trying to track down and keep up with the ever changing landscape of bidders! So pick your favorite item(s) and get started!

Nearly all of these pieces are ONE-OF-A-KIND... And they are going for a song! Only three days left! Bid, bid, bid!

Originally posted to Bob Johnson on Wed Feb 08, 2006 at 04:20 PM PST.

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