Read on for the transcript...
FRIST (R-TN): Okay, you all know why we're here.
MCCAIN (R-AZ): Ethics reform?
[ROOM ERUPTS INTO TWO MINUTES OF SUSTAINED LAUGHTER AND GUFFAWS]
FRIST: Stop it, McCain! You're killing me!
MCCAIN: The same way you killed cats, Billy?
[MORE LAUGHTER, EXCEPT FOR FRIST]
BURNS (R-MT): Oh, lighten up, Billy! You know John didn't mean anything by it... even though he already has Rove developing TV ads that start out with an ugly black-and-white photo of you, ominous music and voiceover that says, "Why did this man torture little kittens?"
[MORE HOWLING LAUGHTER]
HATCH (R-UT): Now, that's just not fair, Conrad. You should--
STEVENS (R-AK): Shut up, Hatch. I hate the way you talk. Make's my skin crawl.
CORNYN (R-TX): Mine, too. You're creepy, Hatch. And what's with the tie tack?
HATCH: I have always worn--
STEVENS: Shut up! I'm getting the shivers! The bad kind!
SANTORUM (R-PA): Can we get to the part where we talk about outlawing man-on-dog relations?
BUNNING (R-KY): No way! I love my dog! I have to go potty!
MCCONNELL (R-KY): KB, can you walk Bunnng to the can?
HUTCHISON (R-TX): Why me?
LOTT (R-MS): Cuz that's about all you're good for, honey.
HUTCHISON: Fine! C'mon, Jim, I'll take you to the potty...
DOLE (R-NC): As a key leader, I move that we give ourselves a huge pay raise!
[LONG SILENCE]
WARNER (R-VA): No wonder you've been such a failure at the RSCC...
ALLEN: Idiot.
MCCAIN: Whoo, boy! Look who's talkin'!
[SNICKERING LAUGHTER]
ALLEN: I am NOT stupid!
SPECTER (R-PA): You make Bush look like Einstein.
[MORE SNICKERING LAUGHTER]
HATCH: Now, that's just not fair, Arlen. George Allen is a bright, capa--
STEVENS: Stop it! Stop talking, Hatch! You're giving me the willies again!
LOTT: I have to admit, you've always creeped me out, too, Hatch.
HATCH: Well, I'm sorry--
[CORNYN SLAPS HAND ACROSS THE MOUTH OF HATCH, MUZZLING HIM]
HATCH: MMMPH MMMMPH
CORNYN: Somebody get me a roll of duct tape!
MCCONNELL: Is Hutchison back from the can with Bunning?
HUTCHISON: I'm back.
MCCONNELL: Go find a roll of duct tape.
HUTCHISON: Why do I always have to be the one who--
LOTT: Shut up and do what you're told, dearie. And grab me a cup of coffee while you're at it.
[JOE LIEBERMAN (D-CT) WALKS INTO ROOM, CARRYING A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE AND A TRAY WITH TEN COFFEES]
LIEBERMAN: Hi, gang, sorry I'm late!
STEVENS: Another guy whose voice makes my skin crawl!
[STEVENS DASHES AT LIEBERMAN, KNOCKS HIM DOWN, GRABS DUCT TAPE AND COVERS LIEBERMAN'S MOUTH WITH TAPE]
LIEBERMAN: MMMMFT! MMMMMMM!
MCCAIN: I'm glad you did that, Stevens. I was afraid Lieberman was gonna' try and french me like he did with Bush. He's such a suck-up.
SANTORUM: Is Lieberman a heathen homo who is just one step from making love to a Golden Retriever?
SPECTER: You have a Golden, don't you, Rick?
SANTORUM: I... Well... I--
FRIST: Okay, look, everyone, we're here to outline our agenda for the rest of `06, or at least up until the election. Our nation is facing some grave tests, some serious, pressing isues, and we need to lead.
ALLEN (R-VA): Agreed. We MUST outlaw flag burning!
[SHOUTS OF "YES!" AND "INDEED!"]
COBURN (R-OK): And we must stop the homos in their tracks! They're threatening the very core -- the very health -- of our nation! No gay marriage! We must ban it!
[MORE SHOUTS OF "YES!" AND "INDEED!"]
FRIST Anything else?
[LONG SILENCE]
GRAHAM (R-SC): Not that I can think of...
MCCAIN: Nothing comes to mind...
FRIST: Okay. Meeting adjourned. Let Lieberman and Hatch up off the floor, fellas. And take the tape off their mouths.
[TEARING SOUND OF TAPE BEING TORN FROM THEIR MOUTHS]
LIEBERMAN: I still love you guys. I do. Even though you tackled me and taped my mouth shut.
HATCH: Oh shut up, you weenie...
LIEBERMAN: OUCH!!! Hatch stabbed me with his tie tack!
LOTT: God, I hate ALL of these people. Every last one...
So there you have it. The entire `06 agenda of the Republican Senators.