How angry can someone get before they just throw their hands up and say 'to hell with it'...
How much more can our wonderful country take, before she has been raped and pilaged beyond repair....
How long does it take for AMERICANS to finally RISE up and TAKE TO THE STREETS and SCREAM their rage and DEMAND things change?
To all the DailyKos readers, writers and amazing humans who are part of this 'blog' and even those that troll and trash many of us (kinda like a bad spice)...this woman (me)is at the end of her rope....
Many of you 'met' me during my time spent in Louisiana, although I wrote diaries that 'fell off' prior to doing my first BOGALUSA diary that got people PISSED OFF, made the recommend list and most importantly reported TRUTH about the bullshit that was happening in the Gulf region after Katrina...
It has been a tough road in my life since then (and it was tough prior)...I've never gotten over (and NEVER will) what I saw and experienced in Louisiana and I absolutely HATE that I am too poor to do anything that is ongoing to help all the incredible people that live with the pain they do daily in the Gulf region.
Call me a chicken, call me an idiot, personally I don't care...this what I know and how I feel.
Since September 11, 2001, I have STRUGGLED to keep my head above water...DAILY. My life has been about sacrifices, pain, failure and the want to end it...in January my sister was diagnosed with AML leukemia from a fucking BENZENE CHEMICAL SPILL 1 MILE from her farm in Northern Wisconsin...I'm tired everyone, so very, very tired of feeling helpless and so very tired of being this angry and feeling worthless....and not being able to CHANGE things.
Wow, you might say?! You read my diaries and those that know me will really be scratching their heads, but to everyone...my very being is in pain, my soul is old, my body is weary, I don't know how much more I can fight...
I am only one person. I wish I could save our country single-handedly, I would love to scream from the rooftops and tell those that will listen what WILL make a difference, but I'm tired now and I fear our country is going to never recover from this horrific mess that we have.
I have seen and experienced pain of others...from homeless children in our country that have nowhere to go and no one that loves them, to the hundreds of THOUSANDS in the Gulf region who have lost everything, to our soldiers families who have lost love ones and wonder WHY, to those who have lost limbs and have to live with it from this immoral and illegal war, to the tornado victims, rape victims and so many, many others.
You see, I FEEL others pain, I get involved with trying to help others and so it becomes a part of my life. Perhaps I shouldn't, perhaps that is what is now bringing me down into my darkest dispair in my own life, but it is who I am and who I have been from a young age.
My Wish
For everyone to take a moment
and ask themselves truthfully, what can I
do to make a difference?...then to
carry it out...nothing is too small...
what makes the greatest difference is to DO SOMETHING...
writing is a lovely thing, but getting into someones'
face and asking 'why' and making them accountable...
that is when you will see a difference....to see
an expression, to hear a gasp of breath, don't just write...
please, I beg of you, get out and DO...
We are so angry, we are so unforgiving and yet so few do so little.
My honesty before you, is I have NEVER fought with the notion of suicide like I have been for the past several months...I am beyond angry...RAGE would be more like it.
I find there are days I will NOT allow myself to drive because I fear what I might do...I am not a bad person, just a woman who has seen so much, heard so many lies and am so very, very exhausted by it all.
Listen to SOMETHING IS HAPPENING HERE...
Those who were too young for Vietnam and the protests, start looking at the music lyrics and the protests that happened during those years and realize that we now need to think about TAKING TO THE STREETS, almost 40 years later or we are doomed, as a people and a country....
I believe from reading recent diaries that there are MANY out there that are feeling anger and rage...make it know here...
In Peace and in pain for all those who are suffering...
Barbara
What does one say, but THANK YOU, for everyone here who cares and expressed some of the most beautiful words, advise and thoughts...
Yes, I will continue to go forward and continue my work...but for now I must be selfish and care for 'me'...
Thanks Tracy for listening to me crying and to EVERYONE here at DailyKos...you are ALL amazing.