This isn't a Lettermanesque style top 10, especially since there are only 9, so don't get your hopes up. Instead, I offer a theory. It's a stupid theory, but a theory nonetheless. Here it is.
Conservatives have mastered the black vs. white method of debate. Because of this, they now control the debate. They're great at this little chess game they play even though it's simple. They take a position, we take an opposite position. Executed properly, this could lead to them landing all three branche... Never mind. Suffice it to say, they've mastered this approach.
Figuring that we Democrats will never beat Republicans at chess, I started thinking of how we could cheat. That's my nature.
Now, I've always been taught that your first answer is probably the right answer, so I decided to go with my first thought (my gut) on how to cheat at playing chess with a Republican. Here's what I came up with -- Paint your opponents pieces.
I know it sounds overly simplified, but trust me. It confuses them and gives you more pieces.
Brilliant, I'd say.
hold your nose and dive in
Okay, in the context of politics, how does one go about "painting his opponents pieces?" The answer is simple, as long as you have this simple understanding:
Republicans have mastered ways to confuse and divide Democrats. Often they are brilliant at making Democrats take a stand against "common wisdom." In other words, they'll say "black" expecting us to say "white." Once we say "white," they jump up and down waving their arms, as if trying to fly, and exclaim, "see, this is what they believe!" They've turned us into strawmen.
So, how does one fight back? I say, we their strategy in reverse. We say "black" and they say, "huh?" And thus my reason for a concerted effort to give false praise to the AntiChrist, GWB.
Here are a few talking points, please talk about them:
1. Who has brought gays together more than GWB?
Nobody. Through his sheer brilliance in bringing forth anti-gay marriage legislation, GWB has solidified the gay community. I credit Karl Rove and Jeff Gannon.
2. Who has made the people long for peace? GWB.
Yes, through his crafty use of endless war, the people now long for peace like they never could during peaceful times. GWB has brought us a new appreciation for diplomacy and serentity. We're all pussies now!
3. Who has continued to spend money on social programs even though we're in debt up to our ears? That's right, it's GWB.
They just keep raising and raising the debt limit, even though we can't afford it. He's taught us tax and spend liberals a lesson by cutting the tax! Hell, we should have though of the "just spend it" philosophy.
4. Who has shown us the dangers presented by Corporatism, Cronysism, Globalism, Jingoism and Pretzels? You guessed it, GWB.
I could go on and on here, but let's face it, GWB has, in his wisdom, shown us all the ugliest face possible covered in ism. He's showing us, not just telling us. It's almost a combination of performance artism and leadershipism.
5. Who has shown us the embarrassment of what being a Momma's boy brings? GWB.
Two words: Barbara Bush
6. Who was it that made every American male comfortable in his own skin? GWB.
His pre-emptive first strike war policy undoubtedly gave solace to premature ejaculators across the country.
7. Who made money for everyone invested in the prosthetics industry?
I don't need to answer that, do I?
8. Who made me realize I could ignore the law in a time of war? Psst... it's GWB.
"Yes, officer, I do know the speed limit, but there could be terrorists on the road."
9. Who can make us argue against "clear skies?"
That one's Karl Rove, but GWB makes a great pitchman.
10. Who can add more?
If you can't beat 'em, cheat 'em.
hink