an impressionistic transcript of a minor fm idiocy
HOST: So many of you powerful souls are lining up to talk to Doctor B!:
CALLER ONE: Hello, Doctor B? Is this Doctor B? How are you?
DR. B: I'm Incredible.
CALLER ONE: Great! The thing is--Doctor-- the thing is I got all this pain, and my doctor told me that he can't do anything about it! All he could do he said was send me to a pain clinic. But forget that, right? ...Considering all the great things you just said? All I need to know is this: which parasite in my body is trying to destroy all my bone cells?
DR. B: Well, Caller, I can't tell you that from here. But I can tell you this: the first thing you need to do is Come See Me. I'll walk you barefoot down the beach in order to discharge the buildup of static electricity in your heels, the thickest and most electromagnetic part of the body. Then I'll have you drink a Resin that comes from the soil. It's made of composted elements broken down by microorganisms in the soil and it stinks. It's a Thick Resin that contains all the energy of all of the plants that compose it. It also contains all of the elements of the Earth itself and all of the DNA in the Universe. Its specific gravity is incredible. We took it to the Research Lab and all of the scientists were amazed..."What an incredible specific gravity!" they said, "We've never seen a specific gravity like it!" They discovered that our Resin contains over 104 elements, which is the total number of elements ever. The light coming from the center of the galaxy is here to heal our DNA. In the middle of these two green circles at the center of the universe is a big green eyeball. When they found it they learned how to decode DNA. When the supernova hit the earth in 1987 it began to repair the DNA. I like to keep it real simple: The Love Vibration is Here.
You see, all of these Medicine Documents of mine come from very very deep vibrational energies in the earth. Starchy foods, rare metals. First you get platinum, then you ionize gold. Platinum is good for the bones and gold is good for the cells. Then you need a good wire, a white-hot contact. It clears up your mind and gets your purpose straight. For the last ten years I've run the number one Parasite-Cleansing Program in the country....we put it in the Formulation. We use Sound Waves and Herbs. Everything wrong is caused by a parasite or a fungus. We've got a Rainforest Anti-Fungal Formulation. Take that and the Platinum Elixir at the same time and oh man you can change anything. Oh yeah and every day drink one mug of boiling water.
HOST: Great! Great! Everything you're saying is great! We've got another caller...
CALLER TWO: Hello?
HOST: Hello!
CALLER TWO: Oh, Great! I knew I was up late for a reason! Dr. B it's a pleasure to hear you speak! So listen, Dr. B: I'm a musician and what you're saying gives me so much inspiration t--
DR B: --InSPIRation.
CALLER TWO: In...Spiration?
DR B: In-SPIration...we turn the spiral inside-out. Anything that you're using that's electronic, try to use it on your right side. The left side is the female side, or the cathode. The left is the positive, or the anode. And yes, you're right...you're already a healer and a hero when you touch that musical toy. Because a lot of these energies are parasitic and need to get dealt with...you see, that's my specialty: I get rid of parasites. Also I can show you how to levitate a three-hundred pound person, just to demonstrate what the mind can do.
HOST: So Dr. B, tell us how you and your partner got started doing this fantastic work...
DR. B: Well, my partner is an Urban Herbalist, a Minister, and a Biochemist. One day when I was in my lab which is also my recording studio I saw him and we decided to do something together, and then all of a sudden everything started happening--You see, of course we make Incredible Herbal Tonics and Formulations, but some people only want Music, and our Music lets you pull energy into your body from the universe. Once you can do this and realize the Oneness then you can be truthful with yourself. Once you're truthful with yourself you Awaken and begin to see clearly. When you can see clearly you join the Shaman's Council. You see, inside every cell of your body is a Council of Shamans. They will lead you through the Womb Gate. Then you'll go up this Matrix where all these harmonically tuned Crystals are and you begin to connect your Crystal-Part with your Self-Part and then you can connect to the All and then you are God. Now you can do the true work of the Divine Being. Now you can do supernatural things. We call our supernatural thing Herban Shaman...Herban with an H, cause, you know, we're into herbs. There's a lot of sacred geometry in the making of an album cover. Me and my partner record sounds in nature. We just lay out in nature for hours and hours recording certain sounds.
HOST: Everything you're saying is absolutely right! Not only do you have the Tonics and the Crystals but you have the Sound Matrix that you can dip yourself into!
DR. B: Come to this meeting and we'll Change you. We have created a PROGRAM that works...not just Herbs; we use Crystals, Mirrors, Magic Incense, Meditation, and Prayer. And Lots Lots More. We got Jesus and we got Buddha. Look! Look! Like can you imagine how much your left arm is worth? There's someone out there who needs your left arm so bad! ...someone who would pay Big Money for it...We'll figure it out for you! We'll talk about wellness and wealth! We'll talk about movement and travel...We even got this hook-up where you can be your own travel agent and you can travel for 70% off!
HOST: This...what?
DR. B: uh, the brain--which is not where your thoughts truly come from--is toxic! Me and my partner found this herban elixir for the brain...it's great! it's a combination of herbs and resins for energy and brain detoxification...it's good for confusion, mental-fatigue, stupidity, alzheimer's, aneurysms, apoplexy, poverty-consciousness, spiritual homelessness, and death. listen: a lot of people need to get rid of their friends and their family. come see us. we'll go out to the woods and talk to a deer. here...Smell this Sage.