GOP: We Support the Troops*
*Disclaimer: Subject to the following terms and conditions: Support comes in the form of empty platitudes and car magnets only, not body armor, good pay or medical support when you come home. Support withdrawn immediately upon (1) the Troops being gay; (2) the Troops being female; (3) the Troops being immigrants, legal or illegal; or (4) the Troops in any way disparaging any Republican leader or policy. At that point, "Support" becomes "Smear." Smears include (1)
questioning your service; (2)
questioning your medals, including accusations of faked bravery and self-inflicted wounds ; (3) calling you a
gutless coward; (4)
insulting your age, competence, manhood; (5) proclaiming you a
traitor to your country; and (6) everything short of coming out and calling you a pussy. Offer to Support the Troops valid mostly during election years. Offer to Smear the Troops valid indefinitely. The GOP reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to tell you to go fuck yourself at any time. For additional conditions and restrictions, please consult your nearest non-veteran Republican Congressman.