I read about all the stuff that's happening on a daily basis. Daily Kos is my primary Internet news source. I listen to Air America radio and read the local newspaper, and occationally the New York Times.
But I don't DO anything - OK, I don't shop at Wal-mart, I own a Prius, I recycle and I buy organic whenever I can - so "nothing" is a bit harsh.
I read all the stuff here and if anything, it increases my feelings of powerlessness. What will it take to get me off my ass?
I think it's an important question because I don't think I'm alone. I see the same diarists and commenters over and over again, even though I know the number of hits vastly exceeds the number of comments. What are the rest of us thinking? Here's what's going on in my head. , ,
I was an activist, back in my youth (the Reagan administration). I duly supported El Salvadoran refugees, the nuclear freeze and even went to Nevada to protest nuclear testing. Then I went to college, got immersed in my studies and then my career and family. I voted, and tried to stay informed but that's about it.
The contested election in 2000 was my first wake-up call. It was clear to me that it was decided incorrectly - "stolen" was too strong a word for me back then. Like many, I took active interest in the 2004 elections, and found Howard Dean. Through the Dean campaign, I found this place, and I've been a near-daily visitor ever since.
However, all the calls to action seem to wash over me. Lately, I've been asking myself why that is. Here are some random things I've observed, in case they are helpful to anyone:
--After Kerry lost in a second contested election, I feel more afraid for my country and my future than I have ever felt, even as a teenager very conscious of the number of megatons of nuclear bombs pointed in my direction. It seems like every day brings a new threat to our democracy that I can do absolutely nothing about (I consider a call to my representatives "nothing")
--At the same time, I see a lot of hyperbole on this site and it bothers me. For example, the "sky is falling" comments about the recent changes in bankruptcy law - I have an intense personal interest in this, as I declared bankruptcy myself about twelve years ago and since then, I have volunteered periodically to help people with their personal finances. I have often helped people through the decision about whether or not to declare bankruptcy. The overblown claims about the consequences of the law may keep someone from getting help, when bankruptcy may be the best thing for them.
I see a lot of other extreme statements on other topics, and it seems that people who attempt to bring a more reasonable point of view get drowned out.
--It seems that all the energy that I put into activism as a youth accomplished nothing. Those who were involved in the Vietnam protests saw that war come to an end. The early feminists had some dramatic gains to celebrate. The Cold War ended much more ambiguously - what happened to all those nukes anyway?
--I also remember that period of activism as one of the bleakest of my life. I spent all my time and energy worrying about problems I was too small to solve, and didn't really have a life or a social network outside of the political work. I was much happier without all of that in my life.
--As a woman in a male-dominated field, I often felt that I was making a political contribution just by showing up for work every day, toughing it out, doing a job my parents thought I could never do because I was a girl, while my husband worked at jobs that did good for society - for much lower pay.
--The changes required to reverse climate change seem impossible, and this seems to me like the issue that will eventually overwhelm everything else. All of the infrastructure in our economy assumes access to cheap, polluting energy, and humans are notoriously bad at long-term thinking.
--Am I better off shopping at a low cost supermarket so that I can donate a few bucks to the politicians or am I better off buying organic produce?
So, here I sit. The flyer for the local Democratic party fundraiser went into the recycle bin along with the other fundraising appeals we get - I didn't even bother to ask my husband if we'd consider it. Although I've been a long-time Daily Kos reader, it didn't occur to me to go to YearlyKos- that's for the activist and analyst types, not for me.
I want to feel hopeful and I want to feel like I'm making a difference. I want to be able to look the children of the 21st century in the eye and say that I was part of the solution, not part of the problem. That's what I liked so much about Dean - he offered solutions and hope.
I don't have any conclusions. I know that I'm not ready to commit to anything more. I'm curious, though about what it took to get other Kossacks out of the ranks of the lurkers and into gear.