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First let me just get this off my chest:

It was me. I Farted in DC the senate offices this morning. I'm sorry.

I had some broccoli and beer last night with a fried egg sandwich. I normally wouldn't eat that for dinner, but I got home late and was in a hurry, and that was all I had in the fridge. I knew at 4 this morning I was gonna have a hard day when my stomach started rumbling, but I too tired to get up and take care of business...

While passing through the security line I felt a pain in my gut that was almost unbearable. I held it in and steadfastly refused to buckle over, even though I was in extreme pain. I was worried that if I showed any discomfort at the security checkpoint, I would end up being thrown to the ground. A situation such as that would have ended up REAL MESSY. So I perservered and made it through the checkpoint just in time.

At this point I was in some SERIOUS PAIN. I made a beeline for the nearest restroom and as soon as my tookus hit the seat I let out the loudest rip-roaringest fart I have ever heard.

A janitor had walked in just after me and was unaware of my presence. The pitch and volume of my passing gas was of such an alien and unfamiliar sound that I can see how the poor man must have thought a bomb went off.

I heard him scream and scamper away.

At this point I knew there was gonna be trouble so I quickly finished my business and strolled away. As I was scurrying though the growing crowd of people they were all talking in a growing panic trying to ascertain what that sound had been "Maybe it was bomb", "It sounded like gunfire", "Was it something backfiring?" I saw the janitor leading a pack of policemen towards the restroom. I got outta there as fast as I could.

You can see how it might have been embarrasing to admit to every one that I farted, but as this story has grown, I feel it is my responsibility to stand up and tell the truth....As embarassing as it may be.

 

Originally posted to roboton on Fri May 26, 2006 at 11:40 AM PDT.

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