I don't want to panic anyone, but I've discovered something very surprising and I think I need to share it with people.
Most people know that this is a political site. But here's what you didn't know.
Did you know that Markos has political opinions???
I was shocked, myself. I mean, it's one thing to write political posts on your own political blog... but to have opinions on tactics? On issues? On candidates?
But the really scary part is the opinions he doesn't tell us he has, which requires an ongoing team of Kosologists to come out and make those opinions up for him, in order to fill out the gaps. This is the primarly job of a dedicated operation called "Movement Of Responsible Online Netvocates", and takes up the time of a lot of very good progressives who, if they didn't have to steadfastly research these opinions Markos doesn't say he has, would have already discovered the cure for cancer. They're that smart. Oh, you bet your ass they are.
So thanks a lot, Markos, apparently you're responsible for cancer. Nice job, pal.
Did you know that he also hates women, environmentalists, the elderly, southerners, latinos, europeans, the troops, and liberals?
It gets worse. According to M.O.R.O.N, Kos is secretly a Biden supporter, and he's against election reform because if we saved democracy, fewer people would need to buy his book. Think about it, people! Oh, and he's also secretly a DLC mole working to install Hillary Clinton. And he's also an undercover conservative Republican. Yeah, he's that damn good. You need to start peeing your pants now, because you won't have time when the fascist Daily Kos state finally arrives.
Ever notice that Kos doesn't refute any of the charges brought by M.O.R.O.N? Coincidence???
Now, I guess I'm not one to talk, because Mark Warner bought me off with a chocolate fountain at a party I didn't even actually go to, and now I am his Love Slave. Let's bomb Iran!
But still, I think we need to get this all out in the open. Other things I have discovered thanks to intrepid members of M.O.R.O.N posting here and elsewhere:
- Mark Warner embraced the YearlyKos convention more than any other single politician. That means Markos is being paid by the DLC.
- Markos is in on 9/11. He doesn't want people to know because he's still selling that damn book, but if he wasn't in on it, he'd agree that those buildings probably had explosives planted in them from the day they were built, waiting for planes to hit them, right? That PROVES it, motherf---er!
- 9/11 is also tied to the Kennedy assassination. But Markos doesn't want you to know.
- Markos and a seedy cabal of "thugs" known as the "frontpagers" are secretly moving into the mainstream media. They won't tell you that, but they're going to make lots and lots of money by going on TV a lot and secretly swiping all the little individually wrapped candies in the Fox News green room, selling them on the street for big bucks.
- Other sites have up to three recommended diaries a day describing how much this site sucks. But the fact that they don't have four proves that they are responsible, and their farts smell like candy.
- If someone posts umpteen diaries in a row "exposing" the fact that Daily Kos sucks and is very very mean and this one time, this friend told me that when the Daily Kos was in the third grade it pushed this other kid down and got in really really bad trouble -- people who post diaries like that over and over get banned, which prove that the Daily Kos site is no better than (1) Jim Jones, (2) Jack Abramoff, or (3) Hitler. (I call this combination Jackie JoHitler, for future reference.)
It all ads up, doesn't it? Kennedy, 9/11, Joe Biden, a chocolate fountain, and a book about Democratic politics? THINK ABOUT IT.
And then we couple that with the problems of the ads. Do you know that Kos -- I'm not sure how to tell you this -- has been making money off of advertising?
It's true. I've learned that the Daily Kos site is a collection of scary expensive servers sitting in a big-pipe colocation center, and that Kos has a full-time programmer to keep the site running. But did you know that he doesn't pay for that out of his own pocket, he does it by selling advertisements in order to buy those servers, pay that programmer, and pay for that bandwidth?
What's terrifying about this is that since Kos is paid by BOTH the Republicans and the DLC (and come to think of it, I haven't heard much bashing of Karl Rove here... hmm, is he in on it?) Kos really shouldn't need money at all.
I mean, I know this site costs a pile of money to maintain -- a set of servers sitting in a colocation center ain't cheap even if Tom DeLay did secretly give you the machines for free in exchange for working to undermine the candidacy of Ned Lamont through the ingenious tactic of bashing Joe Lieberman on a daily basis, which only goes to show that Kos secretly likes Joe Lieberman because... um.... well, that's not important. Fuck you if you don't understand my logic!
But still, that was a shock.
I want to walk you through this one more time, just so you can grasp the enormity of what I've uncovered here.
- Kos runs a political website for Democrats.
- Kos has opinions on politics which might not agree with yours.
- There is advertising here, handled by an agency that handles ads on a variety of liberal blogs.
We're through the looking glass here, people. We're not safe from anyone.
And you'd better treat me seriously, because I'm a genius and if you don't believe me it just proves you're in on it. Jerk.