From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
BOMBSHELL!! Republican Family Values in Death Spiral!
Laura Bush stormed out of the White House after a blow-up with the president over whether he was cheating with Condoleezza Rice. [...]
The infuriated first lady spent at least one night in the famed Mayflower Hotel in Washington, D.C., after the bitter row, respected author and national security expert Wayne Madsen tells GLOBE. ... We reported in our Jan. 16 issue that in a recent therapy session, the 59 year-old president confessed he lusts after other women. And now, sources say he's been acting out those fantasies with Rice, 51.
Rumors of the affair have enraged Laura, who has been at odds with her husband for months over their deteriorating 28-year union.
Meanwhile a host of other problems are plaguing the Bush marriage, including reports that the president had been caught drinking whiskey again after quitting for 20 years, and strife between Laura and her meddling mother-in-law Barbara, say sources.
This might explain that little slip in '04 when Condi called Bush, "my husb...". Anyway, it must be true because I read it yesterday in the prestigious supermarket checkout aisle. C&J wishes the Bush family all the best as they struggle through this difficult time. The heart weeps. It weeps.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, June 22, 2006
Note: Anyone who doesn't speak English in Cheers and Jeers today gets extra mojo. Ich liebe dich, meine Schatz.
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By the Numbers:
Days `til the November mid-terms: 138
Days `til the The Fabulous '50s, Sensational '60s & Antique Aeroplane Show at the Owl's Head Transportation Museum: 10
Members of Saddam Hussein's legal team who have been killed: 3
Number of boys repatriated last week from the United Arab Emirates---to which they had been smuggled as camel-racing jockeys---under a law requiring jockeys to be at least 18 years old: 1,075
Age of the youngest jockeys: 4
(Source: TIME)
Number of hot dogs expected to be eaten on July 4th: 150 Million
(Source: Newsweek)
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: "Um, you know that no-poopies rule you have for the back yard? That doesn't apply to the backyard swimming pool, does it?"
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CHEERS to bloggerific bloggers. I just want to give a shoutout this morning to the folks at ThinkProgress. You guys are on Republican malfeasance like stink on a pig. Thank you for tackling such a dirty job. Anyone who hasn't signed up for their daily Progress Report should do it. After a few days you'll make Rhodes scholars look like baboons.
JEERS to pity parties. Yesterday another lawyer defending Saddam Hussein was killed. So now the old despot is going on a hunger strike. Within 5 minutes of the announcement, the makers of DoritosTM laid off 30 workers.
CHEERS to the joke of the day. Senator Rick Santorum runs into the Senate, breathlessly screaming, "Guys! Guys! We found the WMDs in Iraq! They're at the corner of Easter Bunny Boulevard and Santa Claus Lane!" But here's the funny part, courtesy of Fox News as amplified by the right-wing noise machine known as Drudge:
Asked why the Bush administration, if it had known about the information since April or earlier, didn't advertise it, [Rep. Pete] Hoekstra [R-MI] conjectured that the president has been forward-looking and concentrating on the development of a secure government in Iraq.
He added: "Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week! Please tip your servers! Good night, D.C., ah luv yeeeew!!"
JEERS to living in poverty for another year. Message from Senate Republicans to poor people: SCREW YOU! Hahahahaha!!! A minimum-wage hike proposal submitted by---no surprise---our team died in the Senate yesterday. A gaggle of Republican jerks (Lott, Stevens, Cornyn, etc.) think tax cuts for the rich are more important than helping the poor keep the lights on and some cat food in their stomachs. It's good to be the kings.
CHEERS to being cornered like a rat. Duke University's Bruce Jentleson has four observations about President Bush's post-Zarqawi era of good feelings. We summarize thusly:
1. His "bump" was the size of a zit.
2. His "bumps" are getting smaller compared to previous Iraq-related "bumps."
3. The "bumps" don't last.
4. The public isn't going to put up with Bush's "Lie and Die" policy for much longer.
Five'll get ya ten we're at terror alert level Orange by the end of the summer. It's the only trick they've got left.
CHEERS to Buns of Steel `06. Superman Returns---which opens next Wednesday---is getting bulletproof reviews. According to TIME magazine, villain Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) wants to "make the world miserable and profit from it." Whew...good thing nothing like that could happen for real in America. Oh, and this is interesting---his new weapon of choice is much more fearsome and deadly than kryptonite: swiftboating.
AWWW... to the lonely hearts club band. Some familiar names have been left out of the new American Conservatism encyclopedia: Tom DeLay, Bill O'Reilly, Grover Norquist...and even Karl Rove. To read their stories you need to buy this book.
CHEERS to the power of persuasion. So Hollywood has been hired to produce high-impact public service announcements to convince insurgents in Iraq that suicide bombing just isn't chic. If they're still looking at scripts, I'd like to submit the following:
Announcer: These are your 72 virgins in the afterlife. This are what your 72 virgins will do to you in the afterlife if you blow yourself up in a crowded market:
Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!
...any questions?
CHEERS to supporting the troops. 62 years ago today, President Roosevelt---he of the Democratic Party---signed the GI Bill. It rewarded servicemen for their sacrifices with low-cost loans, educational subsidies and other benefits. Kind of like what George W. Bush is doing now for veterans...except without the low-cost loans, educational subsidies and other benefits.
JEERS to assaulting progress with the dumbstick. On this date in 1633, Galileo "Busta" Galilei was told that he had to "abjure, curse, and detest" his view that the earth revolved around the sun. It took the Vatican---are you sitting down?---over 350 years to admit their heads revolved around their asses. We walk among looneys.
CHEERS to Senator Chuck Hagel. We try to recognize Republicans who do or say sensible things, and this statement from the Senate floor yesterday afternoon certainly counts:
"The American people want to see serious debate about serious issues from serious leaders. They deserve more than a political debate. This debate should transcend cynical attempts to turn public frustration with the war in Iraq into an electoral advantage. It should be taken more seriously than to simply retreat into focus-group tested buzz words and phrases like "cut and run," catchy political slogans that debase the seriousness of war. War's not a partisan issue, Mr. President. It should not be held hostage to political agendas."
The chance that the knuckledragger wing of the Republican Party will listen to him is about the same as Dallas winning the NBA finals. We're just not optimistic.
CHEERS to two journalistic Jedi Masters...and JEERS to one Sith. `60 Minutes' ace Ed Bradley and ABC stalwart Barry Serafin both turn 65 today. Meanwhile Brit Hume turns 63. At the Fox News party, thong-clad Fred Barnes, Mort Kondracke and Alan Colmes will pop out of a cake together and sing a chorus of "Charade." I'm tearing up already.
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One Year Ago in C&J: June 22, 2005:
JEERS to Dr. Lapdog. First Bill Frist said there would be no more Senate votes to try and confirm John Bolton as American U.N. Hater of the U.N. But then, after taking a time-out in a corner in Karl Rove's office, he magically changed his mind. So let me get this straight: you were against the war on Bolton before you were for it? Flippity Floppity Floop (and not very presidential).
CHEERS to thinking ahead. In Germany, the government---leaving nothing to chance---is planning to build love shacks for the thousands of prostitutes expected to show up during the 2006 World Cup. Says Christian Democrat Dirk "Diggler" Lamprecht: "The boxes would be a better alternative to prostitutes offering their services on the streets, in parks or in local zoos." Uh oh, we sense a Rick Santorum goodwill junket coming up... [6/22/06 Update: I think they're working out quite well, judging by all the smiles over there.]
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And just one more...
CHEERS to people-powered politics! Without it, city council meetings wouldn't be nearly as thought-provoking, results-oriented utterly, completely psychotic as this. (I wonder if the Harrier Jet that hovers over our place at 3am comes from the same outfit?)
Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"We had hooligans in Cheers and Jeers but they did not attack each other. Rather we had extremely drunk fans who set on police and then on each other."
---Hans Schulze
Dortmund Chief of Police
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