Great news, kids! A member of the Senate, John E. Sununu, the youngest at the age of
41, is now eligible to join the military! I don't know about you, but I am
thrilled that the good senator from New Hampshire will get a chance to
Simon says stand up until an Iraqi
Simon says stands up so Mr. Sununu can
Simon says stand down. We can't ask the Iraqis to
Simon says stand up at the moment, as they are busy...
mmmmm, no, busy's not quite the word I was trying to think of...oh, yeah,
occupied! They're a little occupied right now.
Before I get ahead of myself, let's look at what happened.
WASHINGTON, Jan 18 Reuters - The U.S. Army, which missed its fiscal 2005 recruiting goal, said on Wednesday it has raised the maximum enlistment age for new soldiers by five years to 39, greatly expanding its pool of potential recruits.
<snip>
The part-time Army Reserve and Army National Guard increased their maximum enlistment ages by the same amount in March 2005 in an action not requiring congressional approval. For the regular Army, Congress authorized an increase in the maximum enlistment age up to age 42...
The article goes on to say that the measure was adopted because the Army couldn't reach its recruitment goals, but I just know in my heart that Senator Sununu was behind the move just so he could get an opportunity to show how much he loves his country.
While Senator Sununu will lose out on that sweet Senate
pay raise, don't you worry! Just look what he gets instead:
The Army, offering new financial incentives to recruits, also doubled the maximum combination of cash enlistment bonuses, up to $40,000 for the regular Army and up to $20,000 for the Army Reserve.--(Reuters)
Suuuuuhhhhh-weeeeeet!!!!!
So, boys and girls, why not join me in a song to encourage Senator Sununu and other 41-year-olds to enlist? Here we go!
to the tune of When I'm Sixty-four (Paul McCartney & John Lennon):
Although you're older,
losing your hair,
go see Uncle Sam,
Got some prostate problems? Pilonidal cyst?
That's okay, you still can enlist!
A little angina,
or a bad back?
That's all okay too,
The army will sign you,
they won't decline you,
until you're forty-two!
Hmm....mmm...mmmh...Old looks good on you.
...Aaah, just say the word,
we'll recruit your doctor, too...
You'll come in handy,
we'll give you a gun,
Some nice bullets too,
Get some target practice on Iraqi sands,
If arthritis hasn't crippled your hands.
Go pack your bags now,
and kiss your wife,
bid your kids adieu,
The army will sign you,
they won't decline you,
until you're forty-two!
Doesn't matter if your eyesight isn't what it used to be,
Or that you can't hear.
Hey, you still can crawl,
Got water on the knee?
We've got Tylenol.
See your recruiter,
drop us a line,
call us on the phone,
No time like the present, so sign up today,
Be-fore you start wasting away.
Bring your I.D. and,
fill out a form,
you're ours forever more,
We will employ you,
and then redeploy you,
until you're sixty-four!