When I was a kid, a book / album called Free to Be You & Me was released. I loved that book so much that I saved it so I could read it to my children someday - and I do. One of the stories is called Atalanta (named after a female athlete in Greek myth), about a princess who's smart, swift, clever and much loved. All of the young men in the kingdom wanted to marry her. My kids love this story as much as I do and each time we listen to it, I point out (to my daughter especially) that the story never once mentions Atalanta's beauty. Should could be pretty - or she could be plain. No way of knowing. She's loved because of her intelligence and because she's a good friend to the people around her. (You can find the text of this story at
http://www.geocities.com/...)
I recently ran across a web site I hadn't visited in a long while called Girls Inc. (http://www.girlsinc.com/...). No... this isn't some porn site - it's a group that promotes self-esteem and self-confidence in girls & young women and works to empower them as they grow into adulthood.
Make the jump...
I explored the site a little and the thing that jumped out at me right away was the Girls' Bill of Rights - and an accompanying list of how we adults can help them in their struggle to realize these goals...
Girls have the right to be themselves and to resist gender stereotypes.
Confront notions of female fragility. Challenge views in the media and elsewhere of assertive women as "unfeminine" or destructive.
Celebrate the accomplishments of women who are competent in nontraditional areas. Through books, videos, the Internet and real life meetings introduce girls to a wide range of successful women.
Ensure that child-rearing classes and materials promote an approach to raising children that is not limited by gender stereotypes.
Ask a girl if she wants a truck or a doll, a jewelry box or a chemistry set, a flute or a bass drum, a new dress or some new software
Don't assume you know.
Girls have the right to express themselves with originality and enthusiasm.
Teach girls skills that help them to think on their feet, make their points and defend their positions without apology.
Share decision-making authority with girls at home, in school and in after-school activities. Show girls that their voices have a significant impact on their own lives and the lives of others.
Ensure equal participation of girls in youth forums and public events involving youth.
Girls have the right to take risks, to strive freely, and to take pride in success.
Refuse to accept "I won't" or "I can't" in place of "I don't know how." Then help girls to develop the skills and confidence to say, "I'll try."
Make sure girls get equal time. In coed situations develop rules that give each person a fair chance to speak without being interrupted.
Avoid rescuing girls. Encourage girls to make an imperfect product, to get dirty, disheveled and sweaty in pursuit of a goal, to make big, interesting mistakes.
Girls have the right to accept and appreciate their bodies.
Help girls develop a healthy body image. Teach them that beauty comes in different sizes, shapes and colors and abilities. Encourage girls to focus on health, flexibility and strength.
Enable every girl to become a media critic. Examine the portrayals of girls and women in television programs, popular songs, movies, books and magazines: Are the portrayals realistic? Are female characters judged more by their looks or actions?
Praise girls for their skills, efforts and successes, not only their appearance. Applaud girls for scoring the winning basket, hitting the tying run.
Girls have the right to have confidence in themselves and to be safe in the world.
Help girls find healthy ways to manage stress. Many more adolescent girls than boys report feeling a lot of stress in their lives and more girls than boys report that a reason they use drugs is to combat stress. Healthy ways to deal with feelings of stress include exercise, artistic endeavors, letting off steam by yelling in an out-of-the-way place or punching a pillow, quiet relaxation and visualizing a restful place.
Offer girls training in self-defense and in sports that promote feelings of strength.
Encourage girls to come together to improve schools, neighborhoods and other settings where they don't feel safe. Find out what you can do to help them accomplish this goal.
Girls have the right to prepare for interesting work and economic independence.
Introduce girls to dynamic women who combine paid work, volunteer work and family life and personal life in innovative ways.
Provide opportunities for girls to explore roles, experiences and activities that are generally reserved for boys. Girls may not ask for the opportunity to hold a snake, learn carpentry or construct an electrical circuit, but they participate eagerly when given the chance to do so.
Debunk the myth of Prince Charming. Most women will work for pay for a large portion of their adult lives and need to be responsible money managers.
Openly discuss family finances. Show girls that financial planning is part of everyday life. Talk about your income, expenses and family budget. Try balancing the checkbook together.
This site has some great resources and advice on raising self-confident girls who go after and stand up for their rights. The page of tips on how to support girls' rights through talking and listening is great (http://www.girlsinc.com/...)
Tell a girl she's great because of what she does and not because of how she looks.
Tell a girl it's okay to brag about something she's good at.
Tell a girl it isn't "yucky" to play in the mud, hold a snake, or get sweaty.
Tell a girl it's okay to get angry and to express it in a healthy way.
Tell a girl you'll assist her efforts in leadership by offering to help raise funds, driving her to and from meetings, and pitching in on letter-writing campaigns.
Tell a girl there is no such thing as Prince Charming and that most women will need to work most of their lives to be financially secure.
Tell a girl she should gather as much information as she can from many reliable sources before she makes an important decision.
Tell a girl it is never her responsibility to make other people feel happy, loved, or secure, and that saying no is always an option.
Tell a girl about the mistakes you've made and what you wish you had done differently.
Tell a girl to think in terms of nutrition, health, and strength and to banish the word "diet" from her vocabulary - and tell her you will do the same!
Ask a girl what she finds interesting and troubling in the magazines she reads.
Ask a girl about her favorite television shows - what roles does she see girls and boys/women and men play? What roles would she like them to play or are missing?
Ask a girl what she wants to be when she grows up and talk about what she can do to reach her goal.
Ask a girl her point of view on current events and listen actively while she tells you.
Ask a girl how her social life is going - is she getting support from friends, are people pressuring her about choices she makes? Listen to what she has to say without getting upset or judgmental.
Another tip is to get involved and encourage friends & family to get involved in elections. Register and vote. Get educated. Tell 10 women to register and vote. Volunteer. And take a girl to the polls with you when you vote - this is something I do with both of my kids! (http://www.girlsinc.com/...).
Lastly, there's a whole page of resource sheets with information on how to talk to girls about sex, drugs, being financially savvy, how to deal with sexual harassment and dating violence and a long list of other issues (http://www.girlsinc.com/...), and fact sheets on sports, math & science, HIV/AIDS, tobacco use, careers, and others (http://www.girlsinc.com/...).
Every now and then I put pen to paper and write out a gratitude list. My family are always at the top of that list. Today, this web site and the wonderful resources it contains are on that list.
I just wanted to share this wealth of information on how to relate to girls in a way that will help promote their self-esteem and self-confidence. If we make the above tips a part of our every day lives - just THINK of the differenc we could make in their lives!