Subject: thinking problems?
Please get help immediately if this ever happens to you.
Here's a tale from a real sufferer.
It started out innocently enough. I began by thinking a little
at parties now and then - just to loosen up. Inevitably,
though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than
just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "just to relax," I told myself - but I
knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to
me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I
turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.
She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and
employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to
avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius, and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and
confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you,
and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real
problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to
find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been
thinking . . . ."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as college professors and college professors don't make any
money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded
in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal
with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled
as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, longing for some Nietzsche. I roared
into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big
glass doors.
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for
me that night. As I leaned on the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye: "Friend, is heavy
thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize
that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous
poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never
miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences
about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life
just seemed . . . easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped
thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for
me.
Today I took the final step: I joined the Republican Party.
UPDATE:
This is not original. My sister sent it to me and I had to share.