Like many Americans, I have turned to the home remodeling shows for mindless television comfort during the Bush Administration. Shows like Trading Spaces or While You Were Out are amusing and my cable package allows me to toggle between three or four channels of what my daughter calls "House Porn." Instead of cleaning my house, I watch TV shows of other people cleaning their houses.
My goal this summer is to remodel my bathroom. We live in a small city of 45,000 or so people in a house from the 1920s and we have been bailing the tub for almost two years. It's either that or dump quarts of Drano and other caustic gels down the drain to restore the outflow to a trickle. The claw foot tub in the attic doesn't work either. My bathroom décor is wretched. The grey tweed carpet glued to the concrete floor coordinates well with the mildewed grout and grey tiles. The fixtures are sort of art deco- or at least from the 1930s. The toilet could run a marathon. I have painted over wood paneling and
I have been trying to the local contractors to schedule the remodeling for almost two years now. Finally, demolition is due to start in a week or so, and then the remodeling to take another week. This little adventure in plumbing and remodeling will cost me a lot. I will get new Kohler cast iron everything, two new closets, totally new pipes, fancy tile, composite tub surround, tile and the bathroom in the attic will work (in its vintage format). But it is still a bathroom in a house I bought 7 years ago for $134,000. Function is the key here. We are talking dressed up sow's ear at best.
So I noticed with interest the headline in the New York Times on Line edition.
For the Busy Couple, a Bathroom Break. The article was fascinating- busy couples who want to spend more time together are doing so in the bathroom. Keep in mind one of the primary functions of the bathroom is not just bthing and washing of hands but human waste elimination. This aspect is not discussed in detail in the article. Rather, they dwell on the lovely bonding that will occur when the couples share their tub. Their mammoth tub. Their tub that will cost more than my entire bathroom remodeling project.
So the Kohler people can't keep the larger sized showers and tubs in stock. I always wonder about the giant showers with jets spraying from all directions- brings to mind the locker-room and the Bradley wash fountain-.
NY Times tells me,
bathrooms now often include a fireplace and some sort of seating -- a chaise longue, easy chairs or a loveseat -- as well as a so-called morning kitchen with minirefrigerator and coffee maker. Usually there are audio speakers "and almost always there's a flat-screen television somewhere in the room.
Yeah, right.
So what sorts of square footage do you need to build this epic bathroom? One palatial bathroom described in the article was 25 feet by 18 feet. This is bigger than my living room.
There are photos to accompany the article which help you appreciate this fantasy bathroom life. But what are these "busy couples" doing, to be able to afford these McSpas?
Retired Oil Company executive and spouse
Banker and spouse
Entertainment executive and stay at home mom
Husband and wife co-directors of psychology clinic
Antiques dealer (him) and chief financial officer of an energy company.
So busy is the new rich. And water closet is the tasteful commode/toilet/crapper.
So, murrayewv, are you just jealous? Do you want a palatial spa and the immigrant labor force required to keep it clean? We are sinking a semester of college tuition into our bathroom, and it will be very nice when done. Most Kossacks would be delighted to have such a nice functional bath as ours will be when remodeled. It will increase both the value of the house and the speed with which the house will resell someday.
After searching my soul and admitting to some violation of the 10th commandment (the goods coveting one) I concluded I resent the headline. The "busy" phrase implies these couples worked hard and deserve to spend more on their bathroom than I earn in two years or my whole house costs. After all- they worked hard and are busy. So does that mean I didn't work hard, to have such a crummy current bathroom and so much financial stress redoing it? What about people who have worse bathrooms than me and will be bailing for a long time? This article put into stark contrast the disparity of wealth in America- two earner families like mine are struggling to save for retirement, pay off the house and a car, send the son to college and remodel the bath. The < 1% uberwealthy are dropping a ton of money on luxury items and can justify this since they are "busy." The middle class is getting soaked and the wealthy are getting to soak. And the poor? Well, they get to the tub scum leftovers. And they lust after home improvements on the house flipping shows to make a bundle after they remodel a house.