When the American government claims it is defending American interests by rushing missiles to Israel so America's ally can rain fire and brimstone on Lebanese cities where Americans are trapped, it has gone beyond bizarre ... we have officially entered surreal.
In any event, I thought the recent hearing at Energy and Commerce was noteworthy since it fits right in to the current situation. It's not every day an oil executive voluntarily shows up in Washington to testify about America's "dirty little secret".
I originally thought this was a joke someone slipped past the editor, but it turns out this is a true story.
Horse meat suppliers defend industry at congressional hearing
By Dave Montgomery
McClatchy Newspapers
(MCT)
WASHINGTON - The head of a processing plant that slaughters horses for overseas consumption defended his industry in an emotion-packed congressional hearing Tuesday and urged lawmakers to reject legislation that would outlaw the practice.
If you saw the Godfather, you know how freaked out people get when they wake up to a horse head. Given the sleepy attitude of congress, this must have been a real shocker. I can see our signing statement stenographers all jumping up on top of their chairs in horror.
But proponents of the bill assailed the $60 million-a-year horse-slaughter industry - composed of two plants in Texas and one in Illinois - as inhumane and socially deplorable, citing the death of 1986 Kentucky Derby winner Ferdinand in an overseas slaughterhouse several years ago.
I don't know about you, but it seems a stretch to call something an "industry" when it consists of two plants in Texas and one in Illinois. By that logic, we have a 15" Ford Firestone Tire Industry we should protect too.
"Hopefully it will not take the slaughter of another Derby winner to put the spotlight on this important issue and shut down these killing factories once and for all," Texas oilman T. Boone Pickens, a leader of the bill's backers, told members of a House Energy and Commerce subcommittee.
I like horses as much as the next guy, but isn't there a more appropriate committee to hear this? I'm sure that between Rolling Blackouts, Surging Energy Costs, Record Deficits, the Failure of the WTO Talks, Foreign Debt, Foreign Trade Imbalance, Threats to Net Neutrality, Trafficking in Illegal Workers, Rampant Outsourcing, Capital Flight, and Bankruptcies in Key Automotive Industries these guys might be a bit on the busy side.
The three foreign-owned plants slaughtered more than 90,000 horses in 2005, largely for distribution to parts of Europe and Japan, where horse meat is considered a delicacy. The meat, which is lean and high in protein, is also sold to zoos.
It's a delicacy that is sold to zoos? Does that mean they put it in the burgers and sell it back to us as a delicacy at the concession stands, or are we just feeding the animals better than the average American? And another thing...which parts of Europe and Japan are we talking about here? Prisons?
Dick Koehler, vice president of the Dutch-owned Beltex Corp. in Fort Worth, Texas, testified as a representative of the horse processing industry, which he described as a 100-year-old U.S. enterprise that would be eliminated if the bill passes.
Damn, a 100-year-old American business that is owned by the Dutch? They're still here? They have a lot of horse slaughter houses in Holland? Who knew?
In making his first appearance at a congressional hearing, Koehler told lawmakers that he was using the forum to counter "a cruel, misguided misinformation campaign against our industry that has reached mammoth proportions."
Someone otter tell him to pick better adjectives, or they will dog him for every slip of the tongue and turn this into a never ending cat and mouse game.
The plants, he said, provide a needed outlet for the disposal of low-value, unwanted horses that, though otherwise healthy, may suffer from infirmities or behavioral problems or prove to be "mean or dangerous." Dismantling the industry, he said, would result in potential abuse or starvation of up to 90,000 horses a year.
Beltex, which has approximately 100 employees, has been in operation in Fort Worth since 1976. The other companies are Dallas Crown Inc. in Kaufman, Texas, and Cavel International Inc. in DeKalb, Ill. Total employment in all three plants is just over 200.
So these are dual-use plants? I mean they are selling a delicacy to prisons in parts of Europe and Japan that consist of low-value, unwanted horses? And another thing... what behavioral problems are we talking about here? Problems with authority? Adjustment disorders? Depression? Schizophrenia? How would you know if a horse was schizophrenic to begin with? It acts like a human? Mr. Ed was schizophrenic?
Industry supporters said the horses are killed instantly and humanely by a bolt-gun placed to the head under closely monitored federal regulations. But backers of the legislation said the slaughterhouses are unthinkable in a culture that reveres horses as a noble icon of stories, film and sport. "Everyone knows who Mr. Ed, Secretariat and Silver are," said the bill's sponsor, Rep. John Sweeney, R-N.Y., whose district includes Saratoga Springs, the oldest thoroughbred racetrack in the nation.
Sounds like Mr. Ed's dirty little secret is out. On a brighter note, it looks like this whole problem could be solved if they switched from horses to mules. Nothing noble about mules.
"They are American icons that deserve to be treated as such. Would we ever think of slaughtering and serving a bald eagle in this country? The same should be true of horses."
I don't see how that is serving a bald eagle. Wouldn't slaughtering them be a disservice? And another thing... horses can fly? Or do they race bald eagles in New York? Or is this guy just an Eagles fan who thinks they sang the song "Horse with No Name?" Someone should tell him it was a band called America. Of course, that might explain his confusion, so many people confuse the nation with its symbols.
Pickens, chief executive officer of BP Capital in Dallas, called the plants "a dirty little secret that should shame all of us." He also charged that the slaughterhouses are often dumping grounds for stolen horses, which industry officials deny.
People are stealing horses, taking them out for joy rides and then dumping them at slaughterhouses? I find that even harder to believe than the location of a slaughter house in Illinois. And another thing... since the committee has an oil man who wandered in off the street intent on spilling his guts sitting right there in front of them, why don't they get him under oath and ask him some serious questions about the dirty little secrets everyone really cares about?
The emotionalism driving the issue was evident in the hundreds of standing-room-only spectators who packed the hearing room at the start of the session. Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla., the subcommittee chairman, later moved the hearing to a larger room, noting "all the passionate advocates" on both sides of the debate.
I don't know why but reading between the lines here, I get the sense the room was filled with nasty women doing terrible things to perfectly nice Shetland ponies.
The legislation, which could come to a vote before the full House of Representatives in early September, also has produced hard-to-define coalitions, dividing horse associations, veterinarians, agricultural groups and lawmakers in both parties.
Early September they're figuring everything will be solved and the entire House is going to have enough free time on their hands that they will need stuff like this to convince voters they are working for a living?
Backers of the bill include the Humane Society of the United States, Churchill Downs Inc., the National Thoroughbred Racing Association as well as other breeding, showing and racing organizations. Opponents include the American Quarter Horse Association, the American Paint Horse Association and horse councils in 10 states, including Texas.
I would expect the Quarter Horse Association to back the bill. How else would you get a quarter horse? The Paint Horse Association surprised me though. Do they make paint with something in it we don't know about? I always thought "Stallion" was just an expensive way for Behr to say "brown."
Opponents say the legislation threatens to intrude on private enterprise, while backers contend it's urgently needed to prevent the mistreatment of animals.
I dunno, I look at this and I can't help but think that this just proves you've got a bunch of horse's asses talking about horse's asses to horse's asses. I really wish they would all stop horsing around and get back to work.