So, as you have probably heard by now, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice plans to hold a little piano recital this week in Malaysia instead of doing her JOB. While most international events observers might say the current cycle of death and destruction should be her focus, Rice's major dilemma was what type of music to play.
Luckily instead of brokering a cease fire so civilians are not crunched in the war jaws of death, she has taken time to figure out maybe show tunes are inappropriate for the recital. Thank god something got resolved, as she was quote as saying:
"It is not a time that is frivolous. It is a serious time. I will play something that is in accordance with my serious mood"
Yes, serious. Like how the shit is seriously getting out of control in the Middle East and now Africa. But since she traded hats from Secretary of State to the Secretary of Lounge Acts, I would like to throw out some possible pieces for her to play:
Emperor Waltz Op.437 (Strauss II, Johann) - Since you are running a very imperial style of diplomacy, this should set the tone for the bull you will be feeding them later in your "talks".
Song Without Words Op.2 No.3 (Tchaikovsky) - With this you can let them know that you know that your verbose candor on affairs are nothing but trial balloons of hot empty air.
Morceaux de fantaisies (5), Op. 3: no 2, Prelude in C sharp minor (Rachmaninov) - I know how you feel about the French, but the former language of diplomacy in the title does go a long way in describing your policy in action. Feel free to repeat the chorus repeatedly, it would really make the point.
About Strange Lands and People, No. 1 (Schumann) - To really get your point across, make many mistakes during this piece and finish by slamming your head repeatedly on the keys. A Jerry Lewis burning of the piano also might be a nice touch.
JibberJabber Goodtime Stick Our Heads in the Sand Ragtime Ditty (Slax) - What ever you decide to play, this is what its gonna sound like.
And when you finish the piece, Ms. Rice, please return to your JOB before the fat lady sings.
Update: Other great suggestions from the Comments:
Kindertotenlieder (Mahler) 'Songs for dead children.' - Quicksilver
4' 33'' (John Cage) - fugue
Three Blind Mice - dicta
Requiem for a Homocidal Fucktard. (trashablanca) - trashablanca
Variations without a Theme (Dorman) - Melvin
And Richter would have written a better diary with the following insight:
1. In honor of the many invented excuses for our war with Iraq, Ms. Rice will begin with one of Johann Sebastian Bach's beloved "Three Part Inventions."
2. With the costs of the war likely to run into the trillions, Ms. Rice has appropriately chosen as her second selection Beethoven's Rondo a capriccio in G, Op. 129, otherwise known as "Rage Over a Lost Penny",
3. Next, Ms. Rice will perform the piece that best evokes the neo-conservative world view that dominates the Bush Administration -- Chopin's "Grand Fantasy" Op. 13
4. Ms. Rice will follow-up with another Chopin classic that perfectly captures the administration's contribution to the people of Iraq: the "Funeral March," Op. 72, No. 2
5. Ms. Rice will honor the true friends of this administration with her performance of Scott Joplin's "Wall Street Rag."
6. Ms. Rice's next offering will pay tribute to the President's skills as a communicator: Felix Mendelssohn's "Lieder ohne Worte (Songs Without Words"
7. The explanations of Administration actions offered by the new White House press secretary Tony Snow will be acknowledged by Ms. Rice's interpretation of Mozart's "Facile" Sonata in C major, K. 545
8. President Bush's recent appearance before the NAACP inspired Ms. Rice's next choice, Ravel's "Sérénade Grotesque"
9. The spirit of the Bush Administration's cabinet meetings is represented by Ms. Rice's penultimate selection, Claude Debussy's "The Children's Corner"
10. And what number could possibly sum up the Bush Administration better than Ms. Rice's concluding offering, Beethoven's Sonata in C minor, Op. 13 - the "Pathétique"
Other gems also in comments.