Welcome to the Planet! "Feminist Supervixens", both female and male, are invited to come and participate in this discussion of feminism, women's issues, and anything even tangentially related.
This is a regularly-occurring "Feminists' Circle" for Daily Kos, where all the supercool feminist Supervixens can pull up a chair and chat, get things off their chests, and get to know each other.
Everyone is free to bitch (yes, BITCH!) and moan - this forum can be "What's Your Fucking Feminist Problem?!" if you're in that frame of mind - but humor, fun, happy stories and congeniality are encouraged.
This week's topic is - ta daaah! GENDER DIFFERENCES. Yes, folks, I do believe there are innate gender differences that have enabled men to be more successful than women throughout history. No, it isn't just "the patriarchy" keeping women down.
More...
It took me a long time to figure this out. I had been a feminist all my life and was well-versed in the history of men treating women as inferiors, refusing to give them opportunities, trying desperately to keep them out of precious all-male enclaves which, if were ever breached by froward twats, would cause the world to explode. You know the ones I mean - the holy sanctums such as Little League and the
U.S. Naval Academy.
And all that is very true. There was, and is, an evil patriarchy. But after I had my son - late in life, at the age of 38 - I realized that it wasn't all the fault of the evil patriarchy. One of the basic problems was the biological fact that women give birth.
When women decide to have children, it throws a gigantic monkey wrench into their other plans. Because yes, women DO have plans for their lives other than having babies and raising kids. At least, I do, and all the women I know do. I know I wasn't put on this earth just to stay at home and breed. My friends have the same attitude.
I'm one of those women who don't like babies. Whenever mothers would bring their new babies into the office or to other social gatherings and most women would cluster around doting and oohing and cooing, I'd make a perfunctory appearance and then fade into the background. If the mother had brought in her dog, or her newly-completed model of a B-29 Superfortress, I'd be totally fascinated!
"Oh, what a cutie-pie! He looks just like you!"
I'm not the only woman who is uninterested in babies, let me tell ya. This is one of those deep dark secrets that women only confide in each other. If a man reads this, I'll be excommunicated from the Sisterhood.
When I had my son, I was interested in him, of course, and I consequently was somewhat more interested in other women's kids, because I could now see more interesting elements in them. But not a whole lot more.
I would love to write about this topic at length, but this diary will necessarily be short. I spent the entire day at the local amusement park with my son, sweating our asses off, and tonight my husband was called into the hospital to deal with an incoming emergency, so I must deal with the whole putting-the-sweaty-kid-to-bed thing.
So....
My point, in brief, is that having children is not only an interruption of a woman's training/career path, but is also a drain of her energy, both physical and creative. I don't think it's the same for a man.
I mean, my son is great, he's a beautiful child and I love him...
I don't regret having him. But the unfortunate fact is that all the time and energy I've put into him is time and energy diverted from my own creative work. I'm good at running around keeping a lot of plates spinning, but there's a limit. Supposedly there are superwomen who can have a passel of children and still write novels after they've tucked the kids in at night, but I'm not one of them. I find having a kid - even one - physically and emotionally exhausting.
Even when he's being taken care of by someone else, a huge chunk of my attention is directed towards him - what is he doing? What does he need? What might he need tomorrow? Etc.
How does this diversion of attention affect women who are trying to accomplish other goals in life?
I have a husband with a good job, so we have money to keep a roof over our head and food on the table, and we can pay for babysitting when necessary. He does his share of childcare as well as dishes and housecleaning, without a complaint. What about the women who don't have this kind of financial, physical and emotional support?
I work from home, on my own schedule. What about the women who can't do that? What about the women who take a big hit in their career paths when they have to take a few years off from their jobs?
No, it's not just about how brilliant your mind is at doing math problems. Once you have kids, you carry a handicap that men don't.