Hey fellow Supervixens!! I'm filling in tonight for the first time! Here's the background from our fabulous founder, hrh:
Welcome to the Planet! "Feminist Supervixens", both female and male, are invited to come and participate in this discussion of feminism, women's issues, and anything even tangentially related.
This is a regularly-occurring "Feminists' Circle" for Daily Kos, where all the supercool feminist Supervixens can pull up a chair and chat, get things off their chests, and get to know each other.
Everyone is free to bitch (yes, BITCH!) and moan - this forum can be "What's Your Fucking Feminist Problem?!" if you're in that frame of mind - but humor, fun, happy stories and congeniality are encouraged.
Notice to anyone who is NOT a feminist and wants to come here and complain about how bad feminism is, the problems inherent in feminism, etc.: fuck off and write your own diary on the topic. That's not what this one is for.
I've been thinking about what to write here for a few days now. There are just SO many things to discuss I've been having trouble narrowing it down. So, I've decided to just sit down and start writing...forgive me if what comes out is less than perfect as a result.
I guess there's something I've been pondering for a while. I've always considered myself a feminist. When I was a child my Dad would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up...my answer was always "President". Of course, when I got older I decided I wanted to be a Senator instead...I think in some ways they have more influence and power. That's arguable, but not my point. Anyway, I've always considered myself a feminist. At different points I thought feminism was about being able to beat boys up, get revenge for all women by crushing the hearts of every man I came across, championing women as being "smarter" than men, "Girl Power", and finally, that women are equal to men...really, that everyone is equal regardless of gender, race, sexual preference, religion, etc. (Of course, some might argue that that's Humanism rather than Feminism....but ah, semantics).
Anyway, as you can see, my journey to learn about feminism and become a "good" feminist has been long and not exactly something that was always positive. My "get revenge for all women by crushing the hearts of every man" phase was a particularly rough one...not for me, of course....but it wasn't very "feminist" of me. That lasted from about the time I was 15 until I was 22. I pretty much viewed men as not quite as fabulous as women, which translated into them typically falling in love with me as I tried to tell them I simply wasn't interested and that they weren't quite the good kisser (etc.) that they thought they were. I was a MEAN woman. I'm sure I turned some very nice guys into shitheads as a result of my poor treatment.
All I can say is, I woke up one day. The thing that caused me to wake up was my friend Mark. At the time of my epiphany, I had known Mark for about 7 years. I had lusted after him for all of those years and for ALL of them he had sub-par girlfriends, one who just was a total bitch, another who was seriously an alcoholic. Anyway, I knew he was a good cook, that he was a fiction writer, a good friend, had good taste in music and video games, etc. And he was yummy. The tall dark handsome Italian type...whoo, I swoon from just the memories! Anyway, we had our very first fiction class together back in 96, but I hadn't read any of his work since then really. Then one day he asked if I would read his MFA thesis. I read it. I was in shock. I realized that even though I adored Mark as a friend and lusted after him for years, I had always kinda thought he was just another "dumb" guy. Well, I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. I started to think...maybe I was sexist?
Well, it didn't take too long for me to run through my history with men and realize that I was completely sexist. At that point I decided to try to reform myself. I started catching myself thinking sexist thoughts and forcing myself to reevaluate the way I saw the world and men. I realized that I was misplacing my anger. Was there a patriarchy? Were ALL men evil and in on the plan to screw women over? No. Some of them were....lots of them were...but I realized I was being mean and unfair to millions of men who were NOT like that. I stopped.
Jump a bit in time-- I have my boyfriend John...our 5 year anniversary is on September 17th. We got together a week after 9/11/01. We've pretty much lived together the entire time we've been together. He spent his day yesterday at work, 9-5 and then he came home and worked on a project (he's trying to start his own business), and then he ate the dinner I cooked, I set his coffee for morning, fed the cats and cleaned their litter, and then put him to bed at about 10:30 so I could settle down to get some of my own work done. I cooked for about 6 hours yesterday. As I sat down last night I could hear the voices of my younger sisters telling me that I was a "sell out"...that I wasn't really a "Feminist" because I was performing the typical household activities of women...as set by history.
How frustrating, I thought. And my argument and response to them is always something like,
"but I like to do things MY WAY, and I don't like to take out the garbage or fix things, or set up electronics, and John doesn't like to do laundry or dishes or take care of the 3 cats (which, as he always reminds me, I wanted). This is why we're a perfect fit...etc."
Alas, the problem with that is that these days I'm seeing myself falling into the same trap so many women before me have fallen into...the Superwoman trap. Because sure, while I do like to cook (because I am a vegetarian and prefer to eat healthy rather than boxed and preservative-filled food), and clean, do laundry, and take care of my 3 lovely pooties, I also have a full time job. Sure, it's summer, I only had one online class to teach, but inevitably, the semester will start...and my chores around the house will NOT decrease. I will have LESS time to do the chores, my work, and be politically involved...and something will suffer as a result. What will suffer? Probably my sleep...because I refuse to give up or give in (I'm THAT control-happy).
So, that's my "Fucking Feminist Problem" these days... I don't mean to sound like John isn't doing his part. He does his share of housecleaning most of the time...I mean, it's his job to clean the toilet and the porch (both yucky cleaning jobs), and he does fix things and set up our electronics and take out the garbage. Lately though I've noticed that our division of chores leaves me slightly more bogged down than him...and while I adore him very much, I'm starting to get a little bit annoyed. Anyone have thoughts or suggestions for how to fix this problem? Is the problem all in my head? Am I getting my payback from all the bad Karma I accrued when breaking hearts? Ensuring equality in a household is a lot more difficult than I ever thought it would be!
Anyway, what are your thoughts? Or, feel free to add your very own "Fucking Feminist Problem"!
Oh, and you all know I'm all for the action items. So, I couldn't do a diary without adding one! The FDA is taking up the issue of making PLAN B available OTC again. Senators Clinton and Murray are suggesting this is a ploy, a stall tactic. Click here to Call on the FDA to support its own internal recommendations and stand with the hundreds of thousands of women who favor of over-the-counter access to Plan B now!