There are monsters among us, true killing machines. They can see in the dark and hear a range of frequency fully three times broader than ours and sounds ten times as faint. Some can run at 70 miles per hour across uneven ground and turn on a dime. They possess the strength, balance, and raw power any human athlete/gymnast would kill for. And, if they happen to lock in on you while you're unarmed, helplessly alone in the twilight wilderness, their preternatural eyes gleaming, their toothy maws yawning in ghoulish anticipation of easy prey, you might as well cut your throat; before they do it for you. So, what could be a better subject for one of the biggest meanest blogs around on Friday Cat Blogging, Daily Kos style, than some of the largest, meanest predators of all time?
Cats are mammals of course and members of the family Felidea. Cat species make up one of nine groups in the order Carnivora, which includes canids (Dogs, wolves, foxes), raccoons, and bears, as well as weasels, otters, skunks, and pinnepeds (Walruses, sea lions, seals). Carnivora arose from the hardy stock of critters such as basal Cynodonts, reptile-like mammals which predate the first dinosaur and have been around for a whopping 250 million years.
In the late Paleocene, about 55 million years ago, the first recognizable candidate for a cat (And dog) ancestor appears: The Miacids. Miacids likely hunted smaller prey in the rain forest canopies and dim floors of the Eocene jungles roughly 50 MYA. Over the next twenty million years, the miacids diverged into the forerunners of modern cats and dogs, and by twenty million years ago the first true cats appear in the fossil record such as the Proailurus. The subsequent lineages have been extraordinarily succesful for a number of reasons.
The feline claws are naturally retracted when not in use and are extended by a stout tendon actuated by a powerful muscle which runs the length of the ulna and anchors securely just below the elbow/knee. Illustration by Karen Wehrstein (Artist tip jar).
The claws themselves are made of bony protein, superhardened with mineral matrices almost to the point of a synthetic glass, which flakes off in natural conical layers leaving the claws with a permanent, needle sharp point and a microscopically serrated cutting edge. Using these natural switchblades, the cat first strikes and pierces the flesh, and then cuts a long laceration upon withdrawal. And larger cats can do it with the force of a wildly swinging sledgehammer, all focused on those tiny, sharp, edges, in the blink of an eye.
The felid jaw is short and robust, giving all cats that characteristic cropped muzzle look. This architecture provides leverage and thus lends the animal a powerful bite akin to that of an english bulldog. If the cat wants to hang on, it can support several times it's own weight with its entire dental arcade sunk firmly into flailing victims, crushing muscle and in some larger species even heavy bone, the long, upper and lower canines are usually quite slender allowing then to penetrate deep into the prey, reaching vulnerable blood vessels and arteries.
Between the teeth, jaw power, claws, brain, speed, eyes, ears, nose, stalking/ambushing skills, and agility, cats are probably the most precision made killing machines walking the earth today. Not since the days of velociraptor has such elegance, power, and coordination, all teamed up in one large animal. And although the Great Saber Tooth Smilodon fatalis gets most of the press these days, the all time biggest cat of them all was the Panthera spelaea more commonly known as the cave lion.
Almost the size of a small horse, this cave lion (P. spelaea) was the largest (Or one of the largest) known true cats ever to exist. It disappeared only a few thousands years ago, near the end of the last ice age. Shown here to to rough scale against a human as well a the three of modern great cats--Lions, leopards, and tigers, oh my. Cave Lion Illustration courtesy of paleowildlife artist Carl Buell, lovingly reconstructed forensically from fossil remains and provided free of charge exclusively for Daily Kos readers.
Smilodon and the Cave Lion are long gone, but other Great Cats are still around--for now at least, they're all greatly endangered. Thankfully, more recently one version has ensconced themselves firmly into our domiciles, ensuring their evolutionary success for the next eon or two, whilst retaining more than any other domestic creature their feral, independent nature. The traditional story is that small Libyan Wild cats were first tamed in north Africa, enlisted as trusted domestic allies keeping down rodents and other pests in ancient horticultural civilizations on the banks of the Nile.
Wild Libyan cats such as these on the left were the probable predecessors to the common housecat. Right: The likeness of Queen Nikki, Absolute Ruler and Empress of of DarkSyde Manor, licking her chops for the camera and perhaps thinking of the photographer, "If I was just a little bigger, I could so eat you."
The reality today may be less complimentary to our allegedly superior human management and negotiating skills: Sleeping where and when they wish, playing or hunting at their convenience, disappearing for days on end only to turn up demanding food, water, and love, we slave away in factories and offices while they loll around in abject leisure. Often they stare with almost visible contempt, perhaps thinking of their human hosts or the annoying family dog, it's arguable cats have domesticated us more than vice-versa. And at the heart of every pussy cat lurks the legacy of an ancient serial killer. For while we enlist the dog as our sycophantm, cattle as our food, and the horse as a beast of burden, to the common house cat, humans are not the cat's master, we are their staff--and potentially crunchy, yummy prey that would taste great with ketchup. I invite all readers to share with us the lovable feline monsters in their lives.