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Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:39 PM PDT
As always, all feathred, scaled, gilled, etc., friends, pics, stories, are welcomed!**
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How about this for a story about a fast dog and a stuttering cat.
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"
My friend: Randy Kenyon for HD 8
by MTmofo on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:33:14 PM PDT
"The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades."--Pat MacDonald
by hopscotch1997 on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 04:58:23 AM PDT
[ Parent ]
Sibling Gatling Gun of Looking at All Sides of the Question
by Thestral on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 05:53:04 AM PDT
...as I go upstairs to read my mystery. And a recommend. Good night. ;-)
Teacher's Lounge opens each Saturday, sometime between 10am and 12 noon EST
by rserven on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:33:52 PM PDT
'If Kos hadn't changed the rating protocol, I'd "3" you upside the head -- old school.' PBJ Diddy
by PhillyGal on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:37:33 PM PDT
re-reading her "Cat Who" books for the thousandth time. Me, I'm drowning in heavy prose between Michael Scheuer's Imperial Hubris and Alastair Reynold's space opera Century Rain. I need something light for a while.
This Far and No Further -- documenting 109 years of conservative thuggery
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:34:49 PM PDT
...Went Underground. Just sayin ;-)
by rserven on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 06:04:07 AM PDT
where's the catnip?
Let's get this party rolling!
You must be the change you want to see in the world.
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:38:44 PM PDT
by PhillyGal on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:43:47 PM PDT
Time for Pootie 12 step program.
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:46:58 PM PDT
(Looks like he's converted to Pastafarianism.)
"I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you" - Dylan
by Floja Roja on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:14:54 PM PDT
"One cannot be pessimistic about the West. This is the native land of hope." Wallace Stegner
by Mother Mags on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:16:50 PM PDT
that helped me take eight years to complete my bachelors degree....
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:35:44 PM PDT
by Thestral on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 05:57:34 AM PDT
by David Boyle on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:41:38 PM PDT
by PhillyGal on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:46:13 PM PDT
your forgot cheesecake (esp. chocolate cheesecake)!
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Well, come on, doesn't anybody know!?!?
by Erik the Red on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:41:50 PM PDT
Not sure where it originated.
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attemp to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:45:45 PM PDT
by PhillyGal on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:50:13 PM PDT
pootie water torture.
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:53:19 PM PDT
A full suit of armor is usually required for that job in our home. But we've reached an understanding: humans keep themselves clean, cats keep themselves clean, and nobody gets hurt.
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." -Voltaire
by poemless on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:13:31 PM PDT
is just asking for it....
by Floja Roja on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:17:29 PM PDT
the best cat pic ever.
My little Maddie, who is terminally cute, afraid of everything but me and her own shadow, and awfully silly, bravely does battle with the drips from my faucet every morning after I get out of the shower. Her courage is inspiring to behold.
(And no, I don't have a pic of this epic battle, but one of these days I'll get one.)
Maddie doing something else impossibly cute:
She was a freshly-rescued kidden when this was taken, in quarantine in my spare bedroom. My elderly boypootie Archy was on the other side of the door meowing at her, and she was beside herself with excitement. That's a shaved bum front and center - she needed a fanny clip when she was rescued. And no, she doesn't have a tail.
For he purrs in thankfulness, when God tells him he's a good Cat.- Christopher Smart, Jubilante Agno
by Mehitabel9 on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:07:01 PM PDT
washing the fat tabby's butt several times a week. He's too fat to get back there and do himself justice. All together now...ewwww.
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:38:31 PM PDT
Scarier than snakes on a plane.
-5.25 -3.49 Please help my Dad turn the ID-1st from R to D!
by rearlgrant on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:16:26 PM PDT
or an homage to, Nicole Hollander. My favorite bit from her is when her cat lays his/her paws alongside her head and croons, "You will sleep now...and when you awake, you will spend all of your paycheck on tuna and mousies." And variants thereof.
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:37:37 PM PDT
I have a Labrador retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind the women. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
by MTmofo on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:45:55 PM PDT
Oh my god, that's too funny!
"Those of us who believe that our being right gives us permission to sacrifice another person's child are evil." -- poemless
by PatsBard on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:49:37 PM PDT
The radical invents views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. - Mark Twain
by FemiNazi on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:13:21 PM PDT
I can testify from personal experience that Milk Bones are quite tasty. Don't ask.
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:40:26 PM PDT
(-7.75, -7.69) No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up - Lily Tomlin
by john07801 on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:46:29 PM PDT
17 and just discovering, uh, catnip.
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:51:32 PM PDT
by Ninepatch on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:24:56 PM PDT
by Andrea inOregon on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 01:52:49 AM PDT
...always leave out French food. What the hell do you have againt freedom fries?
But honestly... French. Goes for the cats too. Well, the cute spoiled little mean one loves French food. Roasted chicken, to be precise, which she will forego her usual bulimia for. The chicken stays down. The big beautiful lazy cat loves Italian. A marinara on the stove is one of the few ways to rouse her from her permanent nap, which is taken lying on her back with all fours in the air.
Cats are a lot like people in some ways...
by poemless on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:46:52 PM PDT
I swore I heard a stem cell yell:'Blastocysterhood is powerful!"
by Miss Devore on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:06:43 PM PDT
apparently the cat owner in the book, Qwill, has gourmet meals prepared for his two Siamese, Koko and Yum Yum. Poached salmon with truffles and egg souffle and so forth.
My guys get Friskies and Cat Chow, the poor deprived little rascals.
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:42:17 PM PDT
by Loquatrix on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:46:57 PM PDT
Steve, Don't Eat It!
Nothing to do with pooties, but absolutely hysterical.
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:44:53 PM PDT
by Ninepatch on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:32:20 PM PDT
I used to taste all my cat's fancy feast flavors. Not bad! Until I started worrying about Mad Cow. That is when I decided to stop.
by hopscotch1997 on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 04:51:32 AM PDT
My kids and I have been laughing at the "Steve, Don't Eat It!" site for the last hour and a half! That guy is hysterical.
I came late to this party, but I will never be the same! Thank you, Black Max!
"You don't know the REAL Homer--it's all burping and neglect!" -- Bart Simpson
by Pandoras Box on Tue Aug 22, 2006 at 04:46:17 PM PDT
Pootie video (warning: video starts immediately)
by PatsBard on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:51:57 PM PDT
by MTmofo on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:57:14 PM PDT
by Ninepatch on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:36:07 PM PDT
their water bill. Talk about flushing money away.
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." - Harlan Ellison
by dkmich on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 03:10:22 AM PDT
Next step is teaching her to sit on it. Not having to buy litter might offset the water bill a tiny little bit.
Too damn cute!
by hopscotch1997 on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 04:47:32 AM PDT
the blue sea seethes with reason
by howth of murph on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:52:34 PM PDT
to agree to start volunteering at a local animal shelter. It's all part of my devious plan to get her to fall in love with some pooties and sdopt them. . . .
by Petronella on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:06:25 PM PDT
now you are thinkin like a pootie!
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:08:00 PM PDT
being pootie code for "adopt".
by Petronella on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:11:59 PM PDT
by Floja Roja on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:20:41 PM PDT
These are our two babies. Clarice & Alex. They are 13 & 14 years old.
Over the past few months I noticed that one of Alex's fangs looked like it was growing. I thought it was funny, but then lately it got so big, it was nearly hanging down below his chin.
Then a few days ago, I touched it and it moved. Time to go to the vet. (you can see the fang in this pic of Alex in the waiting room)
They yanked it out in two minutes - and gave it to me to keep.
The thing is nearly an inch long:
I don't know what I'm going to do with the fang, but looking at www.jessicajoplin.com gets me inspired.
by zed on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:55:05 PM PDT
by MTmofo on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:58:46 PM PDT
catnip under the pillow!!!
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:17:04 PM PDT
did the vet offer up an explanation for the snaggle tooth?
by FemiNazi on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:14:53 PM PDT
Just a case of gum disease slowly causing the tooth to fall out. I guess they all have giant fangs - we just can't see most of the tooth when it is healthy.
by zed on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:16:39 PM PDT
I wish my siamese would loose her tooth so I could have a Bucky too...
by rearlgrant on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:18:05 PM PDT
by Andrea inOregon on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 02:03:18 AM PDT
Philly, you caught me day (or evening?) dreaming . . .
Sorry about that. I'm very happy to see you this evening!
"Ancoro Imparo." ("I am still learning.") - Michelangelo, Age 87
by Dreaming of Better Days on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 09:58:02 PM PDT
by PhillyGal on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:00:33 PM PDT
her picture taken.
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:02:48 PM PDT
Impeach and Imprison! -9.13/-7.59
by FireCrow on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:09:46 PM PDT
Don't forget to send your little ones off with their very own Flat Cat lunchbox.
by FireCrow on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:06:15 PM PDT
Fear will keep the local systems in line. -Grand Moff Tarkin Survivor Left Blogistan
by boran2 on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:08:23 PM PDT
polls are supposed to have a pie option.
"Computer. End holographic program...Computer? Computer?"
by kredwyn on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:22:23 PM PDT
from her E Collar. And she's elated. Her first foray back into the world of height? The top of the drapes.
by kredwyn on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:13:43 PM PDT
tube of Pillsbury chocolate chip dough and a spoon. For us beer drinkers, it's called an accelerant.
by MTmofo on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:14:02 PM PDT
by Black Max on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:49:52 PM PDT
Sorry, not a pootie. My pootie's writing in her diary "Damnit, he brought home a bird again...."
She's Sarah. I'm the foster parent as she is a rescue thanks to the people at Mollywood Parrot Rescue and Shelter.
by rearlgrant on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:23:47 PM PDT
by Floja Roja on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:29:43 PM PDT
by DeannaHawk on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:41:21 PM PDT
is a beautiful bird!
Thank you rearlgrant, for being a foster parent.
by Andrea inOregon on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 02:08:26 AM PDT
So I can’t think of a better time to tell you about my last pootie, Trouble.
Trouble was a squatter. His owner and my landlady, Sandra, lived in a tiny apartment at the back of my rented house in Sonoma. Instead of her hiring a cat-sitter when she went to Mexico for the winter, Trouble moved in with me.
He was a cantankerous, vocal and aged pootie, so we got along famously. He wouldn’t jump on my lap but when I snatched him up unexpectedly, he fell asleep on my chest and drooled a sizable puddle into my shirt.
Every time he came into the house, he complained until I addressed him. Conversely, every time I called him by name, he meowed in response. Every single time.
So, what’s not to love here?
His true self came out each night when he snuggled up to me in bed and purred his cranky old ass off. He sounded like a cement mixer. When unawares, he needed all the care and affection a self-respecting pootie is loathe to admit.
But we had an act that won acclaim with all the kids on the street.
Trouble would follow me everywhere and I would tell the kids that it was because I was teaching him how to be a dog.
“He can’t be a dog,” said 8-year old Ashleigh from across the street, “because he’s a cat!”
“Oh, yeah,” I responded. “Watch this.”
“Now we’re working on ‘roll over.’”
by john07801 on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:32:37 PM PDT
You found your soul pootie!
I love those stories where pooties choose their people.
P.S. I had a cat that drooled, very odd. He'd insist on being on my lap but I'd insist on having a pillow underneath him so he wouldn't drool all over my pants.
by DawnG on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:40:53 PM PDT
When you want to adopt a pootie, go the pootie pound, let them all out of their cages, sit on the ground and the right pootie will come to you.
There may be some competition but your perfect pootie will win out!
You didn't think they knew what they were doing?
Of course, this will also demonstrate to you who the boss is. Don't forget this lesson!
by john07801 on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:00:09 PM PDT
We went and looked through the windows, and most of them were sitting on their bunks playing Red river Valley and Swing low on their harmonicas. Amy saw us, and started batting at the window. And wouldn't stop.
We asked to meet with her in the "Appointment Room," where she was fearless, explored the room, kept coming back to see us, and generally displayed adorableness.
Turns out she'd been at the Town Lake shelter and served the max time there without anyone wanting her, at which point the Humane Society, at that time rigidly a no-kill shelter (it was as long as they could possibly afford it) took her in rather than let Town Lake kill her. It was her first day at HS, when we walked in.
We brought her home that day, and she's been sunbathing under my desk lamp off and on ever since (four and a half years now).
Bring the Troops Home. Restore Constitutional Government. Take Back Your Nation.
by khereva on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 01:22:12 AM PDT
I voted for Joe and all I got was this lousy sig line.
by John Campanelli on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:49:59 PM PDT
this is just too cute. I'm just beaming about this one! :0)
by Dreaming of Better Days on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:55:46 PM PDT
herding cats was supposed to be impossible...
by Kepler on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 10:59:47 PM PDT
this configuration is called a "hundle", which is a huddling bundle of cats.
don't always believe what you think...
by claude on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 05:02:40 AM PDT
All tuckered out after playin' fetch
Misled Into War: A
by Terre on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:01:21 PM PDT
used to follow me while I pulled my little munchkins down to the neighborhood pool for a swim. Reyna would sit on the fence and watch us ~~ along with the other couple dozen moms and children out for an afternoon dip.
When the kids got older, Reyna would walk them to the bus stop in the morning, about 4 houses away at the corner, then return home for the day. About 3:00 or so, when she'd hear the bus coming, she trot back down to the bus stop and escort the children home each day. She was a remarkable cat. She's now living out the last of her days at a cabin on the Oregon coastline. Ahhhhhh, what a retirement!
by MuffledDrum on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:11:40 PM PDT
here in Connecticut
by John Campanelli on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 11:16:28 PM PDT
I just love them pooties!!
Thanks, PhillyGal. Your diaries always make my day!
by Andrea inOregon on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 02:13:41 AM PDT
by dkmich on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 03:13:05 AM PDT
by MO Blue on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 03:43:59 AM PDT
by dkmich on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 03:48:10 AM PDT
It is just a matter of time before some start complaining about you sucking all the energy out of the air by posting more on CT.
BTW the pooties have such sweet faces.
by MO Blue on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 03:40:53 AM PDT
laying down on the job.
Her name is Yai Chai:
"I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps himself in the Constitution than someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps himself in the flag!"
by SomeStones on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 04:11:02 AM PDT
I'm still on the seafood diet - see food & eat it.
Beamer's got a slightly narrower definition of what's food. Unfortunately, his definition sometimes includes chewing on the broomstraw & barfing it back up.
by Thestral on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 05:56:24 AM PDT
I looked for the Pootie Diary on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights - nada, nothing. So Saturday night I watched a movie and poof - you posted a Pootie Diary AND a favorite food poll. Phooey.
Fav food?? A real Italian HOAGIE on an Amoroso roll with REAL Italian meats, REAL provolone, SHREDDED lettuce, thin sliced tomatoes and a shake or two of oregano - NO MAYO, herbed olive oil only!
I'm not happy, missing the fun last night. Nope, not happy at all...
I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!!!
The Makindu Children's Program
by Morrigan on Sun Aug 20, 2006 at 12:31:58 PM PDT
by you on soon
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