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Washington, DC (Snark) -- Senator Joe Lieberman (Connecticut For Lieberman) and George W. Bush (Republican, also for Lieberman) announced the formation of a new party to straddle multiple branches of government and industry, especially media. The new party, known as the Crazy Motherfucker Party, takes its name from the two main attributes of a particularly powerful group of politicians and political commentators that finds its members suffering under the limits of both polite society and the rule of law in their efforts to dominate American politics, and the world.

"The thing you gotta understand," said Bush, "is that we're living in crazy times. Crazy times! Democrats just voted against my friend Joe Lieberman. He's a Democrat. But they voted against him. That's crazy!" Bush put his arm around Lieberman and grinned. Lieberman spoke next. "In sorrow rather than anger, I find myself a Democrat without a Democratic party that I have known for so long. But it was my good fortune that I had just talked to my friend George, and he told me that he was forming a new party, to mend the partisan divisions that have wracked our nation. I wish he'd told me about the name first, though."

The Crazy Motherfucker party builds on elements from the history of both parties, according to sources within the party. An anonymous source within the Bush Administration explained that the original Crazy Motherfuckers included both neoconservative Republicans and conservative Democrats. "The first Crazy Motherfucker mission was to persuade the country that the Soviet Union would nuke us as soon as they could," said the source. "Since then, our Crazy Motherfucker analysts have focused on global security, always assuming that our opponents want to destroy America, and always assuming that they would engage in fantastically implausible plots, just because we imagined that they could, and we assumed they'd be even more devious than we are. Lately, we've been trying to recover from the Iraq war, where Saddam really didn't want to invade America while terrorists flew every airplane in the sky into buildings at once. But that doesn't mean Iran wouldn't love to do the same thing."

There is scant official mention of the party in the political press, but unofficial references abound. The slogan, "Crazy times call for crazy leadership," has spread like wildfire as a .sig file on the rare conservative blogs that allow comments, and many members of the Project for the New American Century are believed to serve as officers and members of the Crazy Motherfucker party. An early joke about the Crazy Motherfucker party had been that the first rule of Crazy Motherfuckers was that there was no Crazy Motherfucker party, but the Bush-Lieberman announcement put that to rest, and two fundamental rules are now widely known.

First, prospective members must be crazy, or maintain such a minimal relationship with reality as to be effectively crazy. Bush explained how he qualified, by arguing repeatedly that "We have to attack the terrorists in Iraq before they attack us in America," despite the fact that Iraqi violence is geared towards intra-Iraq targets, based on long-standing ethnic and religious tensions. Also, as Larry the Cable Guy put it, "What, they got planes over there? They ain't gonna swim here with guns." Lieberman operative Dan Gerstein said that his boss had long sought such a political party. "Ever since Joe came back from Iraq and said that things keep getting better, only to have Democrats and dissatisfied voters of all stripes confront him with facts of increasing violence, he has been trying to find a way to express his views without being constrained by negative liberal obsessions with facts and logic. This party is the logical outgrowth of his thoughts and efforts."

Second, members who are certifiably crazy or removed from reality are then asked how far they would go to implement their policy objectives. Only those who volunteer that they would fuck their own mothers if it meant gaining the power to change the world are tapped to join the Crazy Motherfucker Party. So far, this elite circle only includes George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, U.N. representative John Bolton, Karl Rove, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, former Cheney chief of staff Scooter Libby, and, actually, more members of the current Administration than fit in the space allotted for this article.

The Crazy Motherfucker party also issued a press release warning the media and Democrats that it would not rest on its laurels, with Afghanistan reverting to Taliban control, Osama Bin Laden still free, Iraq descending into civil war, Pakistan pardoning A.Q. Khan (known as the Johnny Appleseed of nuclear proliferation), and North Korea's continued weirdness. "There is much work to be done," said the release. "Intelligence on Iran is insufficiently paranoid and exaggerated to match our agenda and ideology, and if the Pentagon, CIA, and other security-oriented agencies know what's good for them, they will hew to our guidelines for manufacturing intelligence and policy. Diplomacy is for punks and wusses. We also urge concerned citizens to create a feedback loop by besieging the media with their opinions, based on our talking points, to build support for our agenda on all levels, from top-down to astroturf."

It was surprisingly hard to find members of the political establishment who would go on the record as opposing the Crazy Motherfucker party or its members. One senior Democrat said that the existence of an overlapping party dedicated to acting like crazy motherfuckers had exposed fault lines in the Democratic party not seen for years, as too many Democrats had shied away from calling their opponents anything negative, much less identifying them as "Crazy Motherfuckers" despite abundant evidence of failed and flawed domestic policy, the cognitive dissonance caused by believing that Republicans were strong on national security and anti-terrorism despite the failure to catch Osama Bin Laden and the quagmire that is Iraq, and the return of harsh rhetoric, which has been the ultimate sticking point for many Democratic politicians. "We are not going to sacrifice our integrity to copy our opponents," said the anonymous Democrat. "Calling people names never did anyone any good in politics."

As if to contest that point, Bush concluded the press conference by calling Democrats "a bunch of liberal pussies who'd probably marry Osama Bin Laden instead of catching him." Finally, Bush took a few questions, but cut the session short when a reporter asked why so few members of the Crazy Motherfucker party had ever served in the military. White House spokesman Tony Snow denied that Bush said, "I don't like you, boy-mommy!" in response to the question, but could not offer an alternate explanation.

Originally posted to Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:06 PM PDT.


How should Democrats show they're tough on national security?

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Comment Preferences

  •  Well... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    NeoconSemanticist, Ky DEM

    I guess it's time to hide our mothers.

  •  Three things I wish I'd been able to do... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    casperr, LibChicAZ
    1. make it shorter. But there's a lot of craziness.
    1. get a Krauthammer reference in there, because he's the patron saint of calling your political opponents crazy.
    1. convince myself that a Democrat would go on the record to oppose the theoretically fictional "Crazy Motherfucker Party", but I couldn't kid myself that much...

    The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

    by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 04:59:42 PM PDT

    •  additional member (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      • Katrine Haris
      • Macaca senator

      (wow, Republican party is truely a diverse nutbags. This is amazing, we have a collection of comic characters)

      Collect them all.

      •  Yeah, it's an awfully big tent... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        LibChicAZ long as you're a crazy motherfucker. I thought about doing a list (and tried to name the major ones in the post), but there are just too many.

        I'm not sure whether to be more afraid of the CMFs or the people who enable them...

        The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

        by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:26:34 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Open a web page (0+ / 0-)

          One of those google/yahoo free page.

          then link it up to a diary (with the diary only mention the biggest of the biggest joker). It'll be a hoot.

          incidentally DU often does weekly crazies too.

        •  Do it as a series... (0+ / 0-)

          CMF of the Week.
          CMF Grand Dragon.
          CMF sightings.
          CMF tracks.

          Mything the Point ©:
          "Examining unexamined beliefs America accepts on faith value"

          by 8ackgr0und N015e on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:39:12 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  I don't know if I can keep up with all the CMFs (0+ / 0-)

            ...that are out there. Maybe this calls, if they don't mind profanity; would also be fine.

            Initially (not that I wasn't before, by a thousand other Bush/Cheney/Rove assaults on common sense and decency), it was the articles about how Cheney/Rumsfeld are leaning on the intel folks to fuck up the Iran intel specifically so they can take us to war, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.

            Maybe I'll just start identifying people that way in my comments: "I can't believe Joe Lieberman (CFL/Crazy Motherfucker) spent a campaign day chatting and agreeing with CNN right-wing talk-show host Glenn Beck (also a Crazy Motherfucker™; see diary for details). Beck auditioned to join the Crazy Motherfucker party by saying, 'It's imperative that we nuke Iran to show people that nuking others is wrong!'"

            (note: quote fabricated for the purpose of this example, though not necessarily incorrect, and certainly not inaccurate)

            The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

            by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 09:47:21 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  I think Crazy Motherfucker is less obscene to say (0+ / 0-)

              than what these Crazy Motherfuckers actually do!

              That's kind of the point. Dontchya think?

              "I am offended by your constant use of obscene language."

              "I'll see your obscene language and raise you obscene policies."

              "Your language is offensive by community standards."

              "Their actions are offensive by any standards."


              I think you have a real show here :)

              Mything the Point ©:
              "Examining unexamined beliefs America accepts on faith value"

              by 8ackgr0und N015e on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 10:26:40 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

      •  As an Ohioan, (0+ / 0-)

        I am deeply offended at the slight to our own Krazy Kenny Blackwell. Other than Kate Harris, who else is more responsible for all the fun we've been having these last six years?

    •  I got your Krauthammer right here! (0+ / 0-)

      This Crazy Motherfucker is famous for advocating extreme positions and completely ignoring the fact he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

      Mything the Point ©:
      "Examining unexamined beliefs America accepts on faith value"

      by 8ackgr0und N015e on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 08:37:47 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  First Meeting (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    melvin, isis2, LibChicAZ, MO Blue

    In George Allen's garage.

    Republicans- Proudly Destroying the Middle Class of the United States

    by Ky DEM on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:01:05 PM PDT

    •  I'm looking forward to *their* civil war... (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Ky DEM, isis2, LibChicAZ, MO Blue

      because I'm not sure that the Crazy Motherfucker party and the Unrepentant Racist Asshole party are entirely in synch on all the issues. Don't get me wrong, they agree on a lot, but the overlap isn't quite perfect (I think the URAs are more isolationist, though their logic would enable the CMFs, and the CMFs are more accepting of minority members than URAs).

      That said, I would love to be a fly on the wall at that meeting...

      The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

      by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:07:03 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Neither of your first two options are right. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    The correct answer is by explaining how the Democratic plan (whatever it may be [if there isn't one, it needs to be devised]) will make America more secure than what the Republicans have been doing.

    Join the College Kossacks on Facebook, or the Republicans win.

    by DemocraticLuntz on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:03:57 PM PDT

    •  I dunno. That's an important part of a nutritious (0+ / 0-)

      breakfast (or, more relevantly, an important part of a winning Democratic message), but I think we're insufficiently disdainful of the logic behind the debate. I don't think there should be a debate at all, because it legitimizes the view of the Administration. (and yeah, the view's already legitimized by its treatment in the press, but we should do nothing that encourages it, or its treatment)

      I know we have a Democratic plan that'll make America more secure, but if we just put it out there, I expect that Republicans will call it weak (you don't see them engaging us rhetorically, do you? they argue with us on harsh political grounds, and they don't admit it when we score points, so I'm not interested in playing that game with them), and if there's any part of the plan they either can or have to accept for political reasons, they'll just steal (like the DHS idea) or co-opt (like the 9/11 hearings/commission, which yeah, went badly for them, but they had a hell of a lot of control over it) it, and call it their own, and then we'll sound like we did in 2002, when we were saying, "But it was our idea first!" and they said, "Yeah? So what? YOU couldn't get it done. We did. You suck."

      I think calling them out as crazy motherfuckers is superior because it shows (1) that we'll argue and fight (unlike numerous past issues), (2) that we feel strongly (I like f-bombs, and not just because I'm a ten-year-old at heart), and (3) that we're calling a spade a spade. It also, if it works, preempts their insanity, and I'd rather preempt their ideas than argue about them.

      Because if you argue with crazy motherfuckers, not everyone can tell who is the crazy motherfucker.

      The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

      by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:17:40 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Breaking! (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    bwintx, LibChicAZ, DemocraticLuntz

    Clueless Twits propose instant runoff voting in joint press conference with Just Plain Evil Assholes. Source of funding, signatures questioned.

    •  I assume you mean the Green party... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MO Blue

      Melvin, I appreciate your reading my diary and all, but I think you're also going to have to cross-post your comment at my diary's evil twin, "Santorum, Republicans announce new party: Stupid Motherfuckers" explaining how Republicans are using the Green Party to fuck Democrats.

      I'm somewhat sympathetic to the concept of IRV (I think it's probably a more accurate reflection of voter preferences on some level) but anybody who proposes it now, for any election that is not within a party, is acting as a Republican tool, whether they realize it or not, whether they like it or not, and they're the same kind of stupid motherfuckers who brought us Ralph Nader's 2000 run.

      There are two parties in America right now: Bush Republicans, and Democrats. If you (not you, Melvin; I'm going from directly addressing you into a general directed-at-dumb-people tirade) like what Bush is doing, great, vote for him or his Republican supporters (or his Democratic enablers), but if you want to send a message to Bush, there is only one way to do that: vote for a Democrat, because there is no other substantial opposition or effective opposition (and no, I'm not saying that Democrats have been the most solid or effective opposition to Bush, but they are the only game in town in that regard, and if you think the most effective use of your political power is to blackmail them by withholding your vote, then you're pretty fucking lazy).

      Anyone who wants to vote for someone else in a federal election that's at all contested is enabling Bush. Anyone who thinks they aren't is a moron or delusional.

      The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

      by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:38:04 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Well I agree with you (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        MO Blue

        for now - what I consider an emergency. Down the line, I would like to see irv and a few other things, including more parties. But then isn't now. We sadly don't live in an ideal world.

        •  Yeah, I'd say this is an emergency... (0+ / 0-)

          ...though I'd also admit (because it sounds like we're thinking along some of the same lines) that there's also a sense of urgency around every election, so in a sense, that's almost its own form of blackmail, for us to say, "We'll try IRV, but later." And it's always "now" and it's never "later."

          I'm not sure how more parties would work. I think it might be too easy for people in the current system to take advantage of a multi-party opposition (divide and conquer) (as the GOP is doing with Greens); I'm hesitant to endorse changing the number of parties without considering some changes to the rules, too, but that's a fun and academic question for now, for better or for worse.

          (actually, the idea I am curious about that would create IRV on a practical level is to have each third-party candidate make a deal with the major-party candidate who's closer to them politically, so that they share electoral college slates. It's probably not legal in many (if any) states, but it'd take advantage of the Constitutional machinery (assuming you could change the necessary state laws), and states are becoming more curious about tweaking their procedures, as shown by the proposals to have state EVs go to the winner of the EC instead of the popular vote of that state, so it might not be that far out there. This way, third-party candidates wouldn't be spoilers) (and the rest of the deal would be that if a Nader won more votes than a Gore (I'm not sure which way they'd be counted, though, popularly or by state?), then Nader would get Gore's votes, instead of, as we assume, Gore getting Nader's votes)

          The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

          by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:56:24 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

  •  Crazy Mofos makes them sound too cool (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    Joey Liebs and the Shrub are not cool enough to be the Crazy Mofo Party.

    They'd be more likely to start something called the Center for the Project for the Sensibly Insane Impregnation of Maternal Protectors of the Sanctity of Life Institute.

    "Animals are my friends--and I don't eat my friends." (G.B. Shaw) My diaries [-6.75, -8.45]

    by Hudson on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:36:49 PM PDT

    •  Dammit, I hadn't thought of that... (0+ / 0-)

      ...that there are positive connotations to the MF-word in some circumstances (one bad motherfucker, one tough motherfucker; it's got connotations of awe which can cut either way, as shock or respect), in addition to the inevitable reclamation project that occur around a number of epithets (e.g., some gays/lesbians using "queer" to reclaim it, some blacks using the N-word)

      I think it depends a lot on how you say it. And I don't think it's something Bush can admit in public, though I do think it's part of his appeal ("You think those people in the Middle East are crazy? I can be crazy, too! Let's see how they like that!"). I'm not sure how to get around that, but I think it's a better rhetorical strategy than being afraid to talk about how stupid (and gratuitously belligerent) it would be to attack Iran, as it sounds like Democrats are in danger of doing.

      The message for 2006 is: Republicans are a bunch of fucking crooks, and they're fucking up the country.

      by Christopher on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 05:44:49 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  I'm sick ot these crazy motherfucking snakes.,, (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Christopher, bwintx, 8ackgr0und N015e

    on this mother fucking campaign!

    "Gentlemen, Chicolini may sound like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot ." Rufus T Firefly

    by irate on Fri Aug 25, 2006 at 06:03:15 PM PDT

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