Meet
Qais Jassin. He's all of 26 years old. But after a series of one-on-one meetings with the father of his beloved, he got the required approval to marry his wife. That event in itself should be momentous with celebration, right? There should be dancing. There should be smiles. There should be feasting. And probably all of those celebratory activities happened.
But guess how he spent his wedding night.
Yup, you guessed it...not with his wife. Indeed, this young man quite literally:
spent his wedding night petrified that his Sunni wife's relatives would abduct and behead him.
I know. I'm sure you're shaking your head and saying, "Huh? Why would he do that?"
Glad you asked.
According to Qais, while the father approved of the marriage, some of his new wife's cousins were less than thrilled:
"Leave her alone or we'll kill you," the cousins screamed at him, Jassim recalled.
Now I'm betting some of you are scratching your head asking "What's that about?"
It appears that one of the collateral damage victims of the growing sectarian violence (aka civil war?) going on in Northern Irel...uh Iraq is the end of that which was considered important to Iraqi society--intermarriage. Indeed in the article, "Even Dating Is Perilous In Polarized Baghdad," Amit R. Pailey notes that
[i]n a country where intermarriage was long considered the glue that held a fragile multi-ethnic society together, the romantic segregation of Sunnis and Shiites is more than just a reflection of the ever more hate-filled chasm between the two groups. It is also a grim foreboding of the future.
Let me repeat that...
Until recently, intermarriage, in Iraq, was an accepted procedure that not only "kept the peace," but also allowed for couples to fall in love and marry members of another sect. Indeed, there are Shiaa-Sunni/Sunni-Shiaa couples currently living in Iraq. And they've got problems. Paiely points out that
Married couples have filed for divorce rather than face the scorn of their neighbors. Fiances have split up as a result of death threats.
Uh...So this is supporting and encouraging Family Values, eh?
When I read the article by Paiely, my first thought was "Oh shyte. Not again."
We've seen this before when it comes to communities torn apart by sectarian violence. It wasn't unusual for a mixed-marriage couple in Northern Ireland (one spouse Catholic...the other Protestant) to relocate out of the sectarian communities and either to another country--England, Ireland, Australia, US or a middle class neighborhood where the divisions are far less apparent and avoid the problem that:
"In working-class districts, the partner from outside will always be perceived as a threat.--link
The external pressures on a mixed-marriage family, living in the midst of a world wracked with sectarian violence, are immense. In Northern Ireland, these couples/families
have been targeted for violence throughout the Troubles in Northern Ireland. As much of the violence has been directed toward couples in the privacy of their own homes.--link
Not all of the marginalization was/is felt through violence. Some of it is/was institutional with
One might think that it would be natural to go to one's church or minister for advice and guidance. There is marriage advice counseling available through some of the churches. Unfortunately, the need is far greater than the available services. In the past some denominations have directly and indirectly discouraged mixed couples from marrying. Elaborate bureaucratic processes and procedures serve to discourage couples from marrying in the church of their religious tradition. Consequently, they find themselves further isolated and marginalized by the very organizations and agencies that are logically thought to offer support.--link
There are many more stories that have gone undocumented as have been reported with regards to retribution and reaction re: mixed marriages in Northern Ireland. In 1996 the issue was such a topic for discussion that it was one of the major plot points in a BBC television show I watched a few times while living in Dublin. Can't remember the name of the show, but I do remember that the young woman from, I assume, one of the nationalit enclaves in Northern Ireland--living in Britain--had to keep quiet about the fact her husband/love interest was a British soldier lest her father have a cow the size of Babe the Blue Ox. In Northern Ireland, the issue of mixed-marriages continues to be a hot topic. In Iraq, it's a new hot button issue and a possible indicator re: civil war.
Looking for love and winding up on the wrong end of the death squad's gun is no way to promote Family Values.
What can be done? One idea is to look at the role of institutions and how those bodies react and engage with the young people as "[e]ach thwarted Sunni-Shiite relationship etches the gulf between the two groups a little deeper and foils another opportunity to produce the next generation of children with mixed backgrounds -- those living testaments to the not-so-distant peace between the sects." This has the potential of spiraling out of control even as:
lonely Iraqi souls manage to find a potential mate, an increasingly daunting proposition in a country with curfews, limited mobility and the constant threat of death squads.
After doing a great deal of research on the issue of mixed-marriage families, the writers of Mixed Marriages in Northern Ireland: Institutional Response, have put forward a series of recommendations they believe important with regards to institutional responses to mixed-marriage families as "these processes of necessity force us to reflect on the significance of mixed marriage in any understanding of what constitutes a good and healthy society or democracy."
Recommendations
1. The major churches should continue the development of dialogue on the provision of support for mixed marriage couples and families, and should strengthen the structures through which such support is provided.
2. Each of the major churches should ensure that all clergy receive training in work with mixed marriage couples and families, either in their initial preparation for ordination or as part of on-going training.
3. The laity within the churches should he given clear information about the position of their church and the ways in which it ministers to mixed marriage couples and families. Clear simply stated published materials would provide a useful resource.
4. Where individual clergy or congregations do not feel able, for whatever reason, to support a mixed marriage couple. for example by participating in a marriage service, there should be clear procedures in each church by which the couple can be referred to clergy who are able to support them and who have experience of problems associated with mixed marriage.
5. The training of teachers, both at pre-service and in-service levels, should include discussion of the needs of parents and children from mixed marriage families and the problems they may encounter in the education system.
6. Consideration should be given to ways in which pupils, especially older secondary level pupils, can be made aware of and sensitive to these issues. This might be possible through the EMU or Cultural Heritage aspects of the curriculum, or through programmes which specifically address controversial issues.
7. Since a considerable number of children from mixed marriage families attend integrated schools, these schools have a body of experience in supporting the pupils and handling sensitive situations. It would be valuable if this could be formalised and shared with teachers in the controlled and maintained schools.
8. A number of schools outside the integrated sector, in particular some voluntary grammar schools, have considerable numbers of pupils from 'the other' section of the community or from mixed marriage backgrounds. In these cases, consideration should be given to developing a school policy to support such pupils. It might be valuable if one or more members of staff had specific responsibility in this area.
9. The Housing executive should use the data now being collected on religious affiliation of housing applicants to monitor levels of segregation in different areas: this could constitute a basis for developing a policy both on allocating housing to mixed marriage families and on responding to any problems which such families encounter.--link
While there are a few holes in the recommendations, steps that are being taken in Northern Ireland to change the dynamic for mixed marriage families are underway.
At the moment, this has the potential to become multi-generational. And it leaves me with a huge question:
So...exactly who is free now?
x-posted on Political Cortex