Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday
Tue Oct 10, 2006 at 05:21:45 AM PDT
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
North Korea wasn't the only one going nuclear Sunday:
"The only proper response to something like this is absolutely unbridled outrage. ... The mothers of America are furious! In these emails you have a guy saying, 'My mom's calling, I have to go now.' Come on, guys! They've learned nothing from the Catholic bishops. They've learned nothing from the scandals that have gone before. You don't sit and dillydally and try to cover up and circle the wagons---and, by the way, once they've circled, start shooting inside. I mean, it is just the silliest reaction I've ever seen grownup men give."
---Cokie Roberts on This Week
-
"Republican women see Denny Hastert and Rummy and these old codgers who are hiding the truth and hurting kids---kids in Iraq and kids in the page system. And I think women will really be turned off by that."
---Maureen Dowd on The Chris Matthews Show
-
"The notion that Denny Hastert is some innocent bystander who stood aside and didn't 'out' somebody---it isn't about outing somebody, it's about seeing a potential problem in their midst, and basically this inclination was to protect the club, protect the majority. And bringing in Nancy Pelosi---he called her to notify her he wanted to bring [Former FBI director] Louis Freeh in to look at the page problem---she said, 'The page program isn't a problem. The page program is fine. It's the membership of Congress, the leadership, who overlooked the misbehavior.'"
---Eleanor Clift on The McLaughlin Group
-
"Clearly what has happened here is an arrogance of power. It is about holding onto power instead of doing the right thing. And Washington is not working. This shouldn't be about power. This should be about protecting kids and calling the authorities, calling the Ethics Committee. They didn't even tell the Democrat on the Page Committee. This was about a cover-up. I think it's wrong. I think it is a great example of how out of touch Washington is, and how they've got their priorities all wrong."
---U.S. Senate candidate Claire McCaskill (D-MO) on Meet the Press
-
Hell hath no fury...
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Note: To reduce redundancy of Halloween treats this year, C&J will be dispensing "Fun Size" bags of sardines.
-
By the Numbers:
Days `til the midterm elections: 28 (4 weeks)
Days `til Laylat al-Qadr: 10
Percent of molested males/females who are victims of heterosexuals: 98/99.6 percent
(Source: Journal of Pediatrics via Randi Rhodes)
Number of bills Franklin Roosevelt vetoed: 635
Number of bills George W. Bush has vetoed: 1
Chance that a British vet says (s)he has treated a drunk dog: 25%
(Source: Harper's Index)
New England: 20 Miami: 10
-
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Dear Mr./Mrs./Ms. Teacher and/or Boss: Please excuse the bearer of this notice from class and/or work. They need the entire day to attend to some very important business. Thank you.
-
CHEERS to that giant sucking sound. Any gains President Bush made during his 9/11 propaganda blitz have now been erased...and then some. The latest Newsweek poll pegs Captain Decider at 33 percent approval (half a dozen other polls have him at or below 40 percent.) Meanwhile 53 percent want our team to take back Congress vs. 35% who still believe cronyism, corruption and cuckoolookoo are hard-wired into the Constitution. Those people are still locked up in your basement, right? RIGHT???
JEERS to the Axis of Thumbnosery. Just a quick election-year checkup: Iraq has become a Vietnam "do-over" for Henry Kissinger, Iran is stronger than ever, and North Korea just detonated a ten-ton nuclear bomb that measured 11 on the Richter scale (or was it just a Menthos tossed into a bottle of Diet Coke?). But Poland still loves us, so I figure it's a wash.
P.S. "China! Cleanup in aisle seven, please! China, cleanup in aisle seven...!"
P.P.S. Where the HELL was the Homeland Security 'Duck and Cover' alarm? Chertoff: Resign.
CHEERS to good cookin'. The Sunday morning talk shows whipped up a recipe for Republican disaster. Start with one medium analogy...
"If a high school teacher was found doing this with a child, and the principal knew...and said to the teacher, 'We're going to renew your contract,' the community and parents would have that teacher and principal out.
---Rep. Rahm Emmanuel on This Week
Add a dollop of punditry...
"Foley's not the only one who behaved inappropriately with pages. There is at least one other one, a heterosexual. And his name, I believe, will come out."
---Tucker Carlson, on the Chris Matthews Show
And a cup of prognostication:
"Will the Foley news depress Republican turnout?"
YES 12
NO 0
---"Matthews Meter" poll of regular panelists on The Chris Matthews Show
Mix `em all together, add a dash of bombshell and let simmer until November 7th. Ding!! Toast is done.
JEERS to the other body count. U.S. troop deaths rightfully get most of the ink, but military experts say that the number of wounded in Iraq is actually a better barometer of which way things are headed. So let's see how "Mission Accomplished" is going: 776 wounded in September...a two-year high. Which reminds me...have you seen the life-size mockup of the "Accomplishments Wing" of the Bush Presidential Library? And that includes the bathrooms.
CHEERS to the vengeful God's shrinking base. Apparently, teenagers being raised in conservative evangelical families are giving in to the evils of reality and tolerance, and ditching their churches "in droves." What's the old Gandhi saying about strict authoritarianism..."the tighter you squeeze, the more they slip through your fingers." Or was it Princess Leia?
YIKES to scaryparisons. I finally figured it out: Senator Jim Talent of Missouri is really Arnold Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Minus the charm.
CHEERS to the war on the war on drugs. (via Kossack le sequoit) A new study suggests that marijuana---the waaaacky weed---may actually help Alzheimer's patients:
Researchers at the Scripps Research Institute in California found that marijuana's active ingredient, delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, can prevent the neurotransmitter acetylcholine from breaking down more effectively than commercially marketed drugs.
THC is also more effective at blocking clumps of protein that can inhibit memory and cognition in Alzheimer's patients, the researchers reported in the journal Molecular Pharmaceutics.
A spokesman for the ineffective D.A.R.E. program issued a brief statement: "Yeah, but...but...oh, go pound sand!"
JEERS to the original nattering nabob of negativism. Thirty three years ago today, in 1973, Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned in disgrace after being charged with tax evasion. Guess which party he belonged to that day? Go on...take a wild guess.
CHEERS to drama on the mound. Thirty eight years ago today, game seven of the World Series pitted two ace pitchers---Mickey Lolich of the Detroit Tigers and Bob Gibson of the St. Louis Cardinals---against each other. The Tigers won, and Lolich was named MVP. Will they face each other again this year? Stay tuned. Two dogs and a beer, please.
JEERS to barfing in Baghdad. A few hundred Iraqi policemen got sick after eating a post-Ramadan meal. The source isn't yet known, but... Oh shit, we forget to tell `em about the spinach, didn't we? Just walk away from the barracks verrrrrry slowly. La La La... Okay, now run your ass off to the Green Zone!
JEERS to shuttle diplomacy. A little business from last week we wanted to put in the time capsule: Secretary of Rice Condoleezza State visited Iraq to show the folks back home how peaceful and gol'durn American everything's turning there. CNN's Michael Ware begged to differ:
You could just imagine the umbrella of security that encases someone like the security of state. ... U.S. Officials and contractors and all manner of people will come [for] six to 12 months in Iraq, but never leave the green zone. They don't know even what it's like to walk an Iraqi street...certainly not without the shroud of heavily-armed American soldiers about them. They don't know what it's like to go to someone's home and sit and talk with them. To shop in the markets. To have blackouts. To not have water. ... Secretary Rice is so far from that reality that she couldn't possibly hope to understand it.
I think the mortar shell stuck in the middle of her portable Steinway is sending a message.
JEERS to possibly the dumbest decision in American history. On October 10, 2002, Congress said "Okely Dokely!" to letting President Bush go to war with Iraq without actually, y'know, declaring it. Boy, that ticker-tape victory parade through Times Square was really something, eh?
CHEERS to the mighty digital video disc. The big guns on today's DVD slate are Keillor's A Prairie Home Companion, Sandler's Click. There's also a horror flick on the list called Don't Answer the Phone, starring a "gibbering lunatic." Our worst nightmare...Lieberman robocalls.
-
One Year Ago in C&J: October 10, 2005...
CHEERS to the College of Inky, Blinky and Clyde. There are now apparently 50 or so American colleges and universities offering courses or majors in video games. Finally, the reason I've been looking for to continue my secondary education.
JEERS to The End. The Red Sox are officially out of the race. In fairness, it's only because our sense of good sportsmanship prevents us from hogging the glory. Next year: no mercy. [10/10/06 Update: I meant next next year. Really!]
-
And just one more...
CHEERS to mutant proteins. A company called Allerca says that's the secret behind a new breed of---I kid you not---hypoallergenic kittens. Upside: it's great news for cat lovers who get sneezy, puffy or leaky around their feline friends. Downside: there's a heckuva waiting list, the screening process is rigid...and they cost four thousand bucks. I'm prepared to pay twice that when they introduce a poopless pootie.
-
Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless Testimonial
"When the results of these tests come back, I'll bet that once again we'll find that ... peoples' Cheers and Jeers addiction, not their septic tanks, is causing pollution."
---Pamela Anderson
10/4/06
-
