I was going through Atlanta's
craigslist job search when I came across an ad for people looking for writers and editors of a new anime website, kind of an anime version of
imdb, but with a few more bells and whistles. Right up my alley. That ad stated that
this position pays on a per project basis and is for a minimum of a three to six month commitment, and required a minimum of 15 hours a week of work. It was all work-at-home kind of stuff, researching anime shows and uploading info to the site. Not enough to make a real lving on, perhaps, but a good part-time job that would a) supplement my salary when I got a "real" job, and b) possibly lead to something bigger.
I wrote to them and gave them my credentials, which are impeccable, (not to blow my own horn, but how many people here can boast of having both the voice of
Speed Racer and
Space Ghost as references?) but I made it clear to them that I would
not do any intern work (this was the 3 to 6 months they mentioned). Nothing against interns, but, I told them, there are some people who you need to look at and say, this person can
really help us out a lot, we need to get him on the payroll ASAP. I even wrote a friend of mine about it (another anime fan, also a writer and artist), and he agreed: you should get paid for the work you do. Being an artist, he knows of what he speaks. People always bug him to do stuff for free, and he always refuses. You work, you get money, period.
I sent emails back and forth with the guy in charge of recruiting, trying to work something out. I was offered 10% of the gross of any advertising revenue I got for the site, but I declined that (I'm a writer, not a salesman, I said). I was offered important positions and discounts on products and services. I was offered, in short, anything except actual money, and I would accept nothing but. The final email sent to me stated it clearly: I was hoping that a large discount on all your anime needs as well as being a senior of the group would suffice, but clearly you are looking for money. This statement pissed me off, but I wrote an email thanking him for his time and wished him luck with his project (they'll need it: there are dozens of anime database sites out there, never mind newsgroups and bit-torrent sites: they needed something that none of these had, namely original articles and other things to keep bringing people in). The people running this site obviously want to make some kind of a living off of it, yet when someone asks to be compensated for the work they do, they get sneered at.
I have the same problems working with people on the left: we're expected to do everything for the cause, and do it purely for the "nobility" of it. No help finding work. No money paid to you directly. Nada. Frankly, I don't understand the "nobility" of letting someone who is intelligent, creative, and energetic wither away on the vine because they want to dirty their hands with something so petty as money. A fat lot of good I am going to do anybody if I'm homeless, that's for sure. And if it wasn't for the generosity of my landlord, that's what I would be. I'm way behind on the rent, and trying desperately to find work that would not only allow me to get caught up, but to actually put some money away for the future. I've never had a job like that, and the way things are going for me, I never will. And I absolutely do not understand why I am supposed to sacrifice my time and my skill and get nothing in return. It's frustrating and demoralizing, and at times makes me want to give up.
I hate money.
I hate never having enough of it, and I hate what having too much of it makes other people do. I hate looking at a debt and not being able to pay it off, I hate never getting paid enough for the work I do. And I hate the fact that everything we do in this country revolves around money. The love of it, the Bible says, is the root of all evil, and if what the right wing is doing isn't proof positive of that, then I don't know what is.
There's a big difference between what I'm asking and what the right wing does: people like Armstrong Williams and Maggie Gallagher have clearly sold their souls to Satan for their thirty pieces of silver, and many others on the right are currently riding the biggest gravy train we've ever seen. I don't want to sell my soul, but I don't want to have to sell all my possessions, either. It's not like I have a taste for the expensive things in life: I shop at thrift stores. I eat a lot of ramen and 99-cent TV dinners. I don't require a lot, but it would be nice if the high-horses on the left with some cash would be noble enough to spread it around a little, or if the people who I am working with would help me to find a better-paying job. It's something I really am "bitter" about, because it's frustrating being forced to choose between something you want to do desperately and something you have to do to get by. When I worked at Siemens I couldn't get involved in some of the things I am doing now, because after an eight-hour shift I was too tired to do a lot of brain work, now I have the time, but I worry about where my next meal is coming from. My $190 a week unemployment is usually gone within a day or two of me getting it. I can only keep this stuff up for so long, you know.
And the fact that I'm always broke makes me wonder exactly what it is that's wrong with me, even as I am being told by people how talented they think I am and how I deserve better. I feel ashamed asking for money, but I feel more ashamed telling people I owe that I don't have it. Sooner or later something has to break, and I hope it won't be me.
By the way, this isn't a plea for donations. I put the button on the site, but I know most of you out there reading this are in the same boat I am. Some have written me saying they want to donate but are tight on cash themselves, and my response is always the same: don't send me anything you can't afford. I don't donate to any sites myself for that very reason.
I've said these things before, in other posts, and I'll probably say them again unless something drastic changes in my financial condition one way or another. Either way, you all out there will learn about it.
Cup O' Joe - Blog Of The Working Man!