Somewhere deep within the sick, twisted soul of Rick Santorum beats the heart of a Swarthmore student. No, he doesn't suddenly want to kick Coke, nor does he plan to dress in drag for the annual Sager party, nor does he believe that gay people are humans. Rick Santorum, my friends, is a LotR geek. He apparently blames Dark Lord Sauron for 9/11. Yes, you read that right. No, this isn't one of my trademark satire pieces. Yes,
you may read the article:
Embattled U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum said America has avoided a second terrorist attack for five years because the "Eye of Mordor" has been drawn to Iraq instead.
"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said, describing the tool the evil Lord Sauron used in search of the magical ring that would consolidate his power over Middle-earth.
"It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S.," Santorum continued. "You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."
Wow. This is so disturbing on so many levels. Not the least of which being that Rick Santorum is bat shit insane. I mean, we already knew that. But we mainly think of Santorum as being crazy in a scary way. In a "The rapture is coming so let's nuke Iran and name George W. Bush Grand Dragon of the world and lynch queers and make abortion punishable by the death penalty" sort of way. Not in a "I cast a level 9 election-losing spell on the Casey campaign" sort of way. I mean, who knew that Rick Santorum was the Lord of the Rings geek in Clerks II? What do you want to bet he has a replica of the One Ring hanging around his neck?
The Casey campaign had this to say:
A spokesman for Democratic opponent Bob Casey Jr. questioned the appropriateness of the analogy.
"You have to really question the judgment of a U.S. senator who compares the war in Iraq to a fantasy book," said Casey spokesman Larry Smar. "This is just like when he said Kim Jong II isn't a threat because he just wants to "watch NBA basketball.' "
The other reason this statement is crazy is because it is morally disgusting. Santorum is saying that the reason for the invasion was to divert terrorists in order to make a different country a more juicy target. A country with civilians in it. Well, around
600,000 fewer civilians now, thanks to Bush and Santorum.
Is Santorum serious? How is this a viable strategy for a War of Terror? What, are we going to outlast the terrorists until they cry 'uncle'? I'm not even going to bring up how many of the 9/11 Commission's reconmendations, which have been completely ignored, the United States could impliment with the amount of money the US has spent on this debacle? Okay, I lied. I will bring it up. The answer, of course, is
all of them. With enough money left over to give Kim Jong Il a three picture Hollywood deal and shut him up.
However, there is good news. Rick will have a lot of time to watch the
Return of the King special edition with thirty hours of special features all he wants in three short weeks. Deal with Middle Earth all you want, Rick. Leave regular Earth to Bob Casey.