The alternate title of this diary is "The Word Nigga".
I used the title advertised because it's less inflammatory and I didn't want to have the flame war that would inevitably follow. However, I want to have a frank discussion about the word nigga. I would appreciate it if we left the "I hate that word" posts out of this. I know there are some who can't even type those letters in sequence, and I sympathize with you're view. Still, nigga is just a word, and it has no power except that which we give it.
I want to talk about that power. I want to talk about who can wield it, why they do, and why this term is still racist, and not in the way you might think.
I live in Atlanta. As a white man in the metro area, I am in the minority. This city is over sixty percent African-American. I live with a black man. I like to think I'm a fair-minded, liberal person, and for the most part I am. I'm not perfect, and sometimes I find myself holding the occasional prejudiced thought, but I scold myself whenever I do, and I think everyone, no matter who they are, carries the same problem.
I listen to the people around me, and I hear the word "nigga" thrown about all the time. I hear it in music, and on the street, and in my own home when my roommate uses it. I don't buy the argument that the African-American community internalized the racism of the ugly big brother word "nigger". I believe black people tried to own the word, to change it, to re-contextualize the word from one that cut to one that empowered, like the GLBT community did with the word "queer." I also believe the black community failed. Miserably.
My roommate is not only black but bi-sexual. I know if I called him a "big queer" he would laugh. That word is no longer a symbol of hate to him. He is queer, sometimes at least. However, if I called him "my nigga," in the same context as he uses it with his friends, he would beat my head in with a baseball bat. Hell, I can't even talk about this subject with him. I'm so scared of looking like a Klan member I have to come to an anonymous web forum to talk about it, and I've known this guy since the third grade. He is my brother from another mother. He is my nigga.
But I can't call him that, because I'm white. The context or sentiment is irrelevant. It doesn't matter whether "e-r" or "a" follow the n-i-g-g. No matter how I use this term, I'm a racist. In that way, this word has not been de-fanged, because I can't use it in sympathy with the plight of a people who are still given the short end of the stick, who still have not achieved true equality. Hell, I can't even sing hip-hop lyrics out loud by myself without feeling guilty. In that way, I am a victim of racism, because I am being judged by the color of my skin and not the content of my character.
I know I'll never understand what it is to be black. I will never be pulled over by the police for simply driving down the street in an expensive car. People will never look at me suspiciously in the suburbs. However, it was only two generations ago that my forebears were rounded up in Europe and slaughtered en mass (my father's side of the family is all Jewish). Part of me identifies with the plight of the African-American, even though I've lived most of my life in a predominantly white suburb.
I long for the day when I, as a white man, can use the word "nigga" the same way I, as a straight man, can use the word "queer." As it stands now, "nigga" is just another barrier erected between the races. Because it is acceptable for one set of people to use it and taboo for another set, it only serves to create more tension between people who, at the end of the day, are more the same than different. After all, trace any bloodline back far enough and it will end in Africa.
I hope one day this argument will be obsolete, because we will realize that we are not black, or white, but human. I hope I'm alive to see it. But the pessimist in me tells me I'll die still moving towards it.