Okay, so now that it will be published here, my subversive plot will be exposed to public scrutiny. I am unbowed. Let in the light.
I love subversiveness. (That's one of the reasons I so enjoy Mike Stark's great "phone-call-to-wingnut-radio" diaries.) Using verbal novocaine (false praise) to numb wingnuts while you're actually sawing off their legs can be great, great fun.
Like when Bush recently claimed that we need to "stay the course" in Iraq to honor those who have already lost their lives. (I mean, that's a pretty fucking wacky sentiment, in and of itself.)
When I heard that, I told any wingnut I could find, "Goddamn it, the President is right! Even if another 2,000 troops have to die, we need to honor those who've already died! And if 4,000 more have to die to honor those initial 4,000, then so be it! We need to honor the sacrafices of our military brothers and sisters!"
That's my idea of fun.
Well, I was riding my bike to work one day last week when I came up another simple, subversive idea...
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Over the course of the past year, I began to notice an unusual pattern while riding my bicycle to work in downtown Chicago: about three out of every five times I'd be viciously cut off by a driver busy yakking on a cell phone or just generally oblivious to his or her surroundings (and, yes, this happens almosy every damn day in the city), I'd also notice a yellow, magnetic, "Support our troops" ribbon on the back of the vehicle.
Now, I think the explanation for this high percentage of crap reactionary drivers is that most of these folks are from the suburbs and are unaccustomed to the intensity and traffic of urban driving.
So, I thought, what can I do (short of flipping them off -- too dangerous in this day and age of road rage) that would satisfy my desire to tell them to, "Wake the fuck up!" while also having some fun in the process?
So this was my idea:
I ordered 100 of those yellow ribbon magnets -- only I replaced "Support our troops" with I drive like a douchebag. Same script lettering, same style, same shape, same goddamned magnet.
They haven't arrived yet, but I can't wait.
My plan is to follow the offending vehicle to its parking place (somewhere in downtown, I will assume), and replace the "Support our troops" magnet with my own, special, "I drive like a douchebag" magnet.
We'll see how it goes.
I feel better already -- and I haven't even swapped out my first magnet yet!
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