The Republicans have stolen the marriage debate.
But the Democrats are actually the party that supports marriage. Marriage for all. Republicans have reduced marriage to union between a woman and a man. Is that all a marriage is?
Honestly, even before we were married, James and I felt married. He puts out a fresh towel for me to use in the shower. I make sure I don't use all the hot water in the morning so there is some left for him. He cooks vegetables because they are good for us even though I don't really like them. I buy him his favorite wine for no reason other than the fact that I love him. Hugs. Kisses. Sex. Lots of naked cuddling. We have a very high level of commitment to each other.
The love and commitment and intimacy is what a marriage is all about to me.
However, it terms of the law and rights involved, marriage means more.
Protections
Medical Treatment and Hospital Visitation: Absent a written directive, doctors generally defer to a patient's spouse regarding medical treatment, and the spouse is allowed to visit a patient in preference to all others. There are many rights for the spouse as automatic next of kin, including priority in making medical decisions in event of illness or disability of their spouse.
Community for Children: A child who grows up with married parents benefits from the fact that his or her parents' relationship is recognized by law and receives the protection of the law. In addition, spouses are generally entitled to have joint child custody and visitation upon divorce (and bear an obligation to pay child support).
Employee Benefits for Families: The right to take sick leave to care for a spouse or child is an employer-provided benefit from which same-sex couples are excluded, along with a host of other employer-provided benefits like bereavement leave (paid or unpaid), access to health insurance, and pension protections.
Economic Equality: With marriage, a couple has the right to be treated as an economic unit and to file joint tax returns (and pay the marriage penalty), and obtain joint health, home and auto insurance policies.
Tax Benefits: Married couples are entitled to many income and estate tax benefits, such as joint filing of income taxes, the ability to inherit property from one's spouse free from certain estate taxes, and the ability to transfer property between spouses without gift tax or transfer tax consequences.
Inheritance: The law provides certain automatic rights to a person's spouse regardless of whether or not a will exists.
Divorce: Each state has special laws for dealing with the dissolution of a marriage which also require a determination of property distribution, and an award of child custody and support and spousal support. Absent divorce, there is no uniform system for sorting out the ending of a relationship.
Government Benefits: Many married people are entitled to financial benefits relating to their spouses, such as disability, Veteran's benefits and social security benefits.
Immigration: Foreign nationals married to American citizens are entitled to preferential treatment with regard to immigration and residency.
Deceased Bodies: The spouse of a deceased person is generally presumed to be entitled to deal with the deceased's body and funeral arrangements.
Spousal Communications Privileges: Certain confidential communications between spouses are privileged and spouses cannot be compelled to disclose them in court.
Portability: The significance of marriages in other states is unquestioned. Same sex couples have the same need for the continuity of their relationship across time, and from state to state, as non-gay couples.
http://www.nhfreedomtomarry.org/rights.html
Let's take back the marriage debate. We can redefine what marriage means. The Republicans have reduced the meaning of marriage to being about a union between a man and a woman.
Marriage Isn't
Marriage is not about procreation. Millions of couples choose not to or are unable to have children.
Marriage is not an institution chosen by every couple.
Marriage is not a religious institution, but a civil one. Although churches and synagogues do perform religious ceremonies, the government distinguishes the religious from the civil by requiring the signing of a marriage certificate, if that is what the couple chooses to do.
http://www.marriageequality.org/facts.php?page=what_is_marriage
Same-sex marriage isn't going to be the death of an institution with a 45% failure rate. When nearly every second wedding ends in divorce, the institution is struggling. We need to confront the Republicans. Force them to really talk about marriage and what it truly means to be married.
What does a marriage really mean? What does it mean to you? What does it mean to our country?