There is so much to mock at The New Republic and so little time. But one article in particular deserves some much needed mockery.
Lawrence F. Kaplan:
I have gone native, yet the country whose folkways and allure have seduced me is not Yemen or Nicaragua, but America--or, for those who still quibble that we are all Americans, red America.
That's right, the idea that people living in NY, Chicago, etc are Americans is merely a quibble to be disregarded. But it gets worse.
Let's start at the beginning, where he describes his three hour, twice a week commute from the horrors of elite liberals in DC to the bliss of real America. As a side note, since when do we blue state liberals only have to go into work twice a week?
Driving down 21st Street NW en route to the highway reveals more evidence of blue-stateness--a George Washington University student protesting something or other; World Bank types mumbling into their cell phone headsets; a shiny BMW with doctor's tags.
What DC is he thinking of. DC, IIRC, has some of the highest poverty rates of metropolitan areas. But to hear Kaplan tell it, we are all a bunch of rich business types with tons of money and completely self absorbed. Or at college protesting random things while we wait for that elite liberal windfall that we all get by educating ourselves. I don't know about you but I graduated in 1998 and I'm still waiting for those millions which are my birthright as a liberal elite.
But then we get the down home hospitality of the real America: Then come the billboards--god bless america, jesus loves you, and a sign that I'd only read about in history books but long dreamt of: love it or leave it. I am home.
Yep. That's some down home hospitality for you. But I'm sure that the sign was just a harmless joke, or something, and the people are very nice and accepting. Or not so much:
Whereas a year ago the locals regarded me as an anthropological curiosity, today I'm part of the landscape. No one pinches my fiancée anymore; no one charges me $500 to change the oil in my car; cops no longer pull me over for fun.
So who are the arrogant ones here. This is the problem with these areas. They are the first ones to call Rush and whine endlessly about elitism of us liberal city folk. But they are the ones who are the real Americans. You know the ones who sexualy harass your wife, violate your constitutional rights and try to rip you off. Which reminds me how much was Kaplan paying for oil changes in the city? You see in the city the mechanics are smart about ripping people off. But real America is apparently dumb enough to charge $500 for an oil change and think us ignorant city folk won't bat an eye.
Oh but eventually they did accept him. But they only did it because he became exactly like them. They is what they do, they only seem to like people who are exactly like themselves unlike in the city where we have learned that you're not going to make everyone have the same interests/beliefs as you. You'd go insane even trying.
At the country diner, where convertible-driving visitors from blue America occasionally wander in, I even join in the chorus of "goddamn tourists," when, invariably, the weekenders flee the cigarette smoke and iceberg lettuce . . . As for the latest demographic to make the pilgrimage, consisting mostly of retirees from the exurbs, they're considerably saner than their predecessors. But no less invasive.
Now that Kaplan as been accepted into the collective it is now his turn to join in the mockery and derision, and hoo-boy ain't it fun to run with the bullies for once. He must be really feeling his oats.
Now this is where things take a turn for the stupid (although I would argue that we passed that turn off a couple of exits ago).
Land is a farmer's 401(k), and farmers in the area have been cashing in, selling their farms to developers who erect McMansions in their place. The trend frightens me . . . Why would nearly all of the residents of a town where the battle lines have been drawn around economic issues . . .favor Republican politicians who represent these same outside forces?
He never goes on to answer the question, of course. But somehow it is again us elite, city dwelling liberals who are at fault for rich Repubs ruining his little homestead.
Here is his best shot at an answer:Is it really necessary to point out to residents of that and other wealthy, urban enclaves that casting a vote that transcends selfish interests is one of the hallmarks of a mature democracy? In voting so overwhelmingly Democratic, aren't they doing the same? Not everything, after all, boils down to economics. In my hometown, a once-thriving capital of bluegrass, the same cultural pollution that hangs over even the smallest U.S. towns clogs airwaves, movie theaters, and magazine stands alike.
But what do they get in exchange for the rape and pillaging of their "way of life" Someone must be going to that movie theater that shows nothing but "cultural pollution." I guess turning off the TV isn't an option because, well us city dwellers already know the answer to that one but if we speak it aloud they'll just whine to Rush again about our arrogance.
Most of all, my neighbors cling to a conception of the public good that threatens not only their piggy banks but their very lives. Dozens of them are serving, willingly and proudly, in Iraq and Afghanistan. In the breadth of their civic attachments, it seems to me that they, more than most of their critics, most faithfully embody the American ideal.
What is the "public good" that they are always on about? $500 oil changes? Police harassment? Yeah that's my conception of the good life. The American ideal, my ass.