From my inner Digby (I always say I'm not going to write today and then I read Digby and can't help myself).
I was looking out at the front lawn of the White House and I was wondering, where do all the terrorists go when it starts to snow? I mean doesn't anybody ever ask that question? Terrorists, these are bad guys right? I mean I'm protecting the country from terrorists right? So I'm thinking about them. Thinking they all come from these really hot countries right? I mean you couldn't stay even maybe a day in Afghanistan without sweating your ass off. That's what I'm thinking. So the terrorists come over here from their really hot country, so I think they can probably do their terror pretty good when it's hot outside. But if it gets cold what happens to them? I mean where do they go? They can't do their terror in the cold because they're from hot countries. None of the adults who criticize me, they never think about that. I guess they just don't care.
Dick comes in. Dick is kind of fat and I don't like that. But Dick is all right. He gives me advice and everything when I don't know what do. And that's pretty often, because if you think about it the whole world is a mess and its full of phonies. Like that Harry Reid, he's a real phony. He walks around like he's this big guy and stares at your through those little glasses with those beady eyes and asks me what I've been doing. Why should I tell him, why should I tell a phony like that? Anyway, like I said, Dick is fat and I usually don't like that but he's okay. He's got this daughter, she like sleeps with other woman. Sometimes when he tells me that I think, Wow, that's something. I was supposed to sleep with Laura last week, but she forgot. At least she said she forgot. Laura can be a phony sometimes but she's not fat. Sometimes Laura just kills me, talking with that Southern accent. I've got to remember to tell Laura about how she said she would sleep with me last week.
Anyway Dick's wearing this red hat with a feather in it. Oh man, that hat just kills me. I ask Dick what type of hat that is. He says it's a hunting hat. That's why I like Dick even though he's fat - sometimes he kills me. You see Dick shot this guy in the face while he was hunting. A bunch of phonies made a really big thing about that. But now Dick comes to see me and he's wearing this really great hat, and then he tells me it's a hunting hat. I laugh so hard that snot comes out my nose. Dick doesn't care though. Those things are all right with Dick. Because he's not a phony. That's why I like Dick even though he's fat.
So I ask Dick can I have the hat. He takes it off and looks at it like its all valuable and stuff. Man that hat is killing me, I've got to have it. And he says he'll let me have the hat if it's okay to attack Iran. Dick is always talking about attacking some place. I don't know why, it's just the way Dick is. At first I think Dick is trying to fool me, having some fun. Dick is that way. I'm ahead of him thought. You got to watch Dick. And I say, "Didn't we already attack Iran?"
And Dick laughs, and I laugh, cause you just got to laugh when a fat man laughs. And he says, "No, we invaded another country, Iraq, the country next to Iran."
Now this just kills me. There are two countries right next to each other and one is named Iraq and one is named Iran. People must be attaching the wrong country all the time. The people who name countries are real phonies. But I'm looking at that hat. That is a really great hat that Dick has, but I've got to be careful here, because Dick isn't a phony but he can get you to do what you don't want to do. I say, "Can I keep the hat?" I'm thinking maybe the hat will impress Laura. She's never seen me in a hat like that.
Dick, he bounces the hat up and down in his hand. He's really trying to make out like it's valuable. That just kills me. And Dick says, "I'll tell you what," like he's this salesman or something, "I'll let you have it if we can use nuclear weapons."
I take the hate quick before he can change his mind. "Nuclear weapons are okay. You sure this Iran is a long ways away from here?"
Dick just smiles and leaves the room. I put on the hate and look in the mirror. The hat just kills me. Laura is going to see this hat and everything will be different. I look back out at the front lawn. Where do the terrorists go when it snows?