Like many of you, I've started making a lot of GOTV calls. But I find the scripts so...well, scriptlike. Plus they only tell you what to say. Nobody ever tells you what not to say. And let's face it, as a computer geek, I'm not exactly Mr. Social Skills. So below are a few of my don'ts and really don'ts to help get you through to election day.
If a voter says they're still deciding who to vote for this late in the game, it's not polite to sarcastically ask if they're also still undecided about the theory of gravity, or whether the earth really revolves around the sun. Just because the current crop of "elected" Republicans put atomic bomb plans in Arabic on the internet, revoked habeas corpus, and have plunged Iraq into near chaos, doesn't mean they don't have their good points. For one thing, I hear they make model prison inmates.
Occasionally, a voter will ask if all those attacks ads they saw about your candidate are true. The correct response is not "Yeah, dumbass, and professional wrestling is real." Just patiently explain that those claims that your candidate wants to put all illegal immigrants up at the Hilton rent free are wildly exaggerated. It's really just a Super 8, and they'd have to take turns sleeping on the cot.
Remember, every time someone hangs up on you, an angel gets its wings. Actually every hang-up takes us one step closer to christo-fascism, re-education camps, and the destruction of everything the founders fought for. But don't feel like you're under any sort of pressure or anything.
If a woman voter tells you that she just votes the way her husband tells her to, she's probably just messin' with you. Asking her what century she thinks this is rarely ends well. And driving halfway across the county to stage an intervention is definitely out.
Some voters will tell you that they think both parties are pretty much the same. Pointing out that it took the Republicans 10 years to get as corrupt as the Democrats got in 50 probably isn't the way to change that perception. Really, when you think about it, there are a lot of similarities. For example, to be a Democrat, you need to be an air breathing land mammal. And with the possible exception of Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly, that's true for the Republicans as well.
If you have trouble with your L's and R's, making calls about the upcoming election probably isn't for you. This is also true if you can't utter the phrase "polling place" without giggling.
I hope these tips on what not to do are helpful. Who knows? If you're the best volunteer, you might even win the pony!