This is to those evangelicals in my family--and out there--who are mollified Pastor Haggard's quaint
apology. To those still happy to cast their vote along conservative evangelical lines, content that their wayward leader has duly repented.
The apology Pastor Ted made to his wife and supplicants for "embarassing" them was not a sign of repentance. His blaming a "part of [himself] so dark and repulsive that [he'd] been warring against it his entire life" is a lie.
Ted Haggard has not begun to war against the dark and repulsive parts of himself. And he won't until he apologizes to me, and to others in the community he hurt the most.
Pastor Ted was a guy who went far, far out of his way to demonize people like me. He made a fortune in his religious and political crusade to rob people like me not just of marriage, but of respect, safety, homes, jobs, and children.
He waged very literal war against us on the lawbooks and in the streets. He barged into gay bars trolling for--er--"converts." He trained literally millions of people not just to hate and fear us, but to hunt us. To crusade against our very existence.
He portrayed gay life as a reflection of his own--a pathetic, miserable stumble from orgasm to orgasm. That cruel depiction will haunt us legally and ecumenically long after Pastor Ted is gone.
No, this man has not begun to even acknowledge the misery he has wrought, let alone repent for it. I don't care what kind of personal pain he's in. He projected that pain outward and brought a world of hurt to gay people everywhere he went. When he took the pulpit. When he preached hellfire against gays at Jesus Camp. When he spoke to President Bush in their weekly phone klatches.
Pastor Ted may be bowing out for the time being. At least until he can work up a good Swaggart-style "devil-made-me-do-it" sobfest for the benefit of his parishioners, or cash in on the ex-gay ministry opportunities just waiting for him.
But his destructive lies and the inertia from his viciously anti-gay sermons won't lose their power. If anything, they may gain momentum.
No, ex-Pastor Ted, you don't have my forgiveness. Because you haven't asked forgiveness from those of us your cynicism and hypocrisy have hurt the most. You won't begin to face your demons until you take that step.
Until then, sir, you remain a whited sepulchre.
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside look beautiful, but inside they are full of the bones of the dead and of all kinds of filth. So you also on the outside look righteous to others, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." (Matthew 23:27-28)
"But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. For you do not go in yourselves, and when others are going in, you stop them." (Matthew 23:13-14)
Myself, my lover, my family and my community still are owed an apology, sir. We'll be waiting.