In response to an unprovoked and premeditated political power grab by James Carville, Howard Dean today launched a reprisal volley against Carville, a previously beloved figure in Democratic political circles.
Dean said, "It's clear to me that the role of mysterious king-maker with mystical powers has resided for the past 6 years with Karl Rove, not Carville. Now that Rove has been undressed publicly, there's no reason to turn the role back over to Carville. Sure, Carville helped the Clintons survive the Gennifer Flowers thing, but now he's so 1992."
Dean continued, "We think Crossfire could have sucked equally as much with Burns - if not more so - than it did with Carville. In trying to replace Carville, we decided to try to get someone with the same angular features, the same unequalled drive to succeed at the expense of whomever might be in his way, and of roughly the same age. Someone who could share the spotlight with Bob Novak - or shall I say someone who could suck an equal amount of light out of a room as Bob Novak. We think we found our man: Monty Burns."
"While we're at it," Dean concluded, "we've also decided to replace Mary Matalin with Mr. Smithers."
"Oh and Karl has been replaced with Krusty."