Hey Mr. or Ms. Kossack! Tired of your diaries plummeting earthward like Karl Rove's political fortunes?
Are you sick to death of seeing other Kossacks lionized on the Recommended List, while you languish, unappreciated?
Want to pep up that post? Spark up that screed? Here are 7 ways to improve your Recommendaciousness....
1) "BREAKING!" -- (Yes, I Have Used This Myself -- Guilty As Charged) -- A perfectly valid "Look At This!" device, but....well, it's kind of like those CD's you find at the 99 cent store that say "PAT BOONE GREATEST HITS -- COLLECTOR'S ITEM!" If you have to TELL someone it's a Collector's Item, it's automatically NOT a Collector's Item. If a news item is interesting because it new, fresh and hasn't appeared anywhere else, it will get attention of its own merits.
I used to work in TV news. In TV news, everything is "BREAKING!" Everything is "LETS GO LIVE!" It's all "WOW! NOW! POW!" Only usually nothing is happening, it's just a report on something that already happened.
2) BE RIGHTEOUS! -- "THEY HAVE NO SHAME" is always good. (VARIATIONS -- "HAVE THEY NO SHAME?" "SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!") Perfectly valid, esp. since the Republicans have no shame. As Norman Mailer once said so astutely, "The problem with Republicans is that you can't embarrass them."
Thanks to the rogue Bush Regime, we've all achieved "Outrage Fatigue" so the "SHOCKING! SHAMEFUL! NEW DEPTHS OF DEPRAVITY!" pitch is hard (but not impossible) to deliver on.
3) LIE YOUR HEAD OFF (i.e. Be Counter-Intuitive) This is a new fave device for Kossacks. I'm seeing a lot more diaries with titles like "KARL ROVE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT" and "I COULDN'T AGREE MORE WITH TOM DELAY" and "DON RUMSFELD GOT A RAW DEAL" and "TRENT LOTT -- CIVIL RIGHTS PIONEER?"
Once you click on these, of course, you discover the author's point is exactly the opposite of the title. Okay, fine -- I know I'm being duped. My next diary will be titled, "ANN COULTER HAD ME AT 'LETS BOMB THE NEW YORK TIMES BUILDING'"
4) PUSH THE PROFANITY ENVELOPE -- This gambit has gone into remission recently. "FUCK OFF, KOSSACKS!" "WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?" "FUCK THIS SHIT! I'VE HAD IT!" and "WHAT THE FUCK'S THE FUCKING FUCK-UP?" have, also, lost their fucking power to shock.
In other words, "profanity -- fuck that shit!"
5) GLOAT -- Beginning any post with "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! REPUBLICAN CORRUPT IDIOTS FUCK UP AGAIN! (extra points for including profanity.
Gloating is all find and good. I myself am still basking in the afterglow of the recent election. Just as long as we all realize that it doesn't mean anything, doesn't really help anything, and shouldn't stop anyone from getting back to the real work of turning America blue.
6) POST IDIOT NATTERINGS FROM WINGNUT ORC-FESTS -- This one provides chewy diary goodness any time for yours truly. I have the utmost respect for Kossacks who are willing to strap themselves into the cyber diving bell, spray on bullshit repellent, and lower themselves into the shit-stream of Free Republic comment threads. Want to know the new and creative ways Cheeto-eating 39 year old guys who live with their parents can find to misspell death threats to Nancy Pelosi?
Downside -- the realization these knuckle draggers have the same vote you do. Gaaaaaccccckkkkkkk....
7) ADDRESS/THREATEN/PRAISE KOS DIRECTLY -- I think my favorite part of Daily Kos is the delicious BlogoSocialism -- Kos rents the hall, we hold the meeting. Some diarists feign "willfull ignorance" of this principle, and pretend Markos is really Darth Markos, All-Powerful Blogofascist Overlord of Kosdom. "KOS -- I WANT AN ANSWER NOW!" "KOS -- READ THIS OR ELSE!" or, best of all, "KOS -- BAN ME FOR LIFE, YOU MISERABLE SCUM!" are great ways to get people to read your stuff...if you've got some point to make in the body copy.
So....I guess the ULTIMATE DAILY KOS DIARY would be:
BREAKING! BWAHHAHAHAHAHA! BIG FUCKING IDIOT DRUG-CRAZED WINGNUT RUSH LIMBAUGH GOT IT RIGHT ABOUT KOSSACKS! KOS, ARE YOU LISTENING? HUH? ARE YOU??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
NOTE -- My intention here is not to trash anyone at Daily Kos. I love this place, and I love the people. Just some (very) gentle chiding.