Lately (well, for three years now, but for some reason a lot yesterday), I've read a lot of comments from otherwise reasonable Kossites here when it comes to gay rights, marriage equality that, for lack of better words, are no more than a lot of condescending falsehoods (let me say, right up front, that MOST kossites are extremely supportive an dnever make such comments, I'm speaking of those that do)
Well, my first reponse to this would normally be "Bull#$%#," but instead I decided to educate. I believe that most are reasonable Kossites right and belong to the 'reality' community.
So here is the short list of those paraphrased comments:
update: I've edited it to make it less 'pissy.' I am in an aggravated mood after comments here and in IRL. But on reflection, I decided to edit it down. I believe my arguments still stand, just doing it a bit less 'pissy'.
"GLBT rights movement is young. Have patience.
There is so much wrong with this. For one, GLBT people have been murdered, imprisoned, discriminated against, hated, hunted, stereotyped and beaten for.. well... hundreds of years. It's not like this is a new thing that we've only been trying to fix in the last 10 years. And the GLBT rights movement is over 100 years old. Some Western history for those who don't know:
Karl-Heinrich Ulrichs demanded decriminalization of homosexuality in 1867 (and others in other nations before that)
The gay rights organization "Scientific Humanitarian Committee" was found in Germany in 1897
The first US gay rights organization was founded in 1924, and the "Homophile" movement began in the 40's and 50's demanding rights in the US and Europe. Of course these were all but ignored by the media. The first gay-rights protest marches were held 50 years ago.
Among these organizations was the Daughters of Bilitis whose writings included the demand for marriage rights and whose founders were married (though it didn't 'stick' of course) in San Francisco 50 years later.
Gay militant protests began by the late 60's(see link just above), Stonewall riots being the definitive one with an explosion of gay rights organizations, marches and protests in the 60's and 70's.
So we've been waiting for liberation for hundreds of years, asking for liberation for over a century and demanding liberation for a few generations now.
The progress has been excrutiatingly slow. Is that because of a lack of organizations, riots, demands, time, patience, marches, pleadings, suffering on our part? No we've been doing that for generations.
It's due to hatred, homophobia and condescending 'concern' that progress has been slow. We've been suffering and working hard, society has been slow and late in coming. Not us.
The "have patience and work harder, suffer longer" codescension just doesn't fly. We've been patient for hundreds of years and working hard for hundreds and suffering all along.
Many of us, including me, have suffered and been patient for most of our lives.
"GLBT people don't have it 'bad'
Well, all I can say is you are speaking to the wrong person, you might want to tell that to to this kid, or or these boys, or these men, or all the millions, yes millions, like them that have had to live with desperation, fear, discrimination and hate.
Yes, there are worse off. It's not a zero-sum game. Helping one group doesn't preclude us from helping another.
But, also, until you get educated and walk in our shoes a bit, don't tell us we didn't, don't have it bad.
We are not victims. Victims don't fight back.
"Things are so much better than they were even 20 years ago."
Well, yes. They are. No thanks to the likes of you. Your ilk just sat by with your condescending attitude, or if I'm more generous just your blissful ignorance, while we suffered and fought for the rights we have.
It's like a man watching a drowning man without doing much anything anything to help him. The drowning man finally gets out of the water on his own strength (with the help of others, but not the bystander).. so he's not going to die. Huge progress. But he sits there on the bank, muddy, wet, cold and needing some warm clothes and the watching man (who has been dry, warm and well dressed all along) says "Hey, look you aren't drowning... be grateful".
Thanks for nothing bystander man.
Fill out X papers will get you the rights you need
That comment is ignorant and condescending.
Here is an anecdote. My partner and I have been together for 10 years. We have an adopted daughter. A few weeks ago we calculated that it has taken just about 15k to get the legal assistence we needed over the years to protect our relationship and family. 15k more than a straight couple would have to pay for those same protections. Luckily we could, barely, afford it. That's a lot of money.
The kicker is, that 15k got us about 30 of the estimated 1,000+ rights, protections, equality that marriage would bring.
The double kicker is that even though we now have a Domestic Partnership in California it still only gets us about 1/2 of those marriage rights. (and we had to go back to the lawyers to reconcile previous legal paperwork.. more money).
The triple kicker is if that we visit my partner's home state and family in Utah or my home state and family in Virginia, all that paperwork and DP is...
trash.
THe "oh, just go do some paperwork" should be dropped as the condescending ignorance that it is.
"The country isn't ready for you. If you demand full rights, they will fight you/it will hurt the cause/make things worse. "
(as pointed out below, this one might not be so 'condescending', still think it's wrong, but I'll concede the point that reasonable people can believe this and not be condescending.. just not right :D)
Well, apparently they never are ready are they? In my nearly 50 years and my reading of history, equality is rarely 'given', it is demanded. If it was up to the power holders, equality would always be something... in the future. It took civil wars, riots, protests, boycotts, Supreme Court to make progress. If history and human nature is any indication, it will take the more of the same.
Look at Massachusetts. After decades of demands, protests and more by gay people, the people of Massachusetts finally started to accept GLBT rights, they still didn't accept gay marriage though. Then after a court protest by gay couples, the Supreme Court demanded rights. They were given. The people have finally came around... because the rights were demanded and given and the people finally understood. If those protests and demands didn't happen, if that court case didn't happen, I doubt Massachusetts would be the beacon of equality it is today.
A lot have pointed out that our demands for marriage equality have hurt the 'movement' (whether it's Democratic/progressive/LGBT). Yes, there has been backlash, 27 states with anti-gay amendments is a good indication. And it has maybe pulled more conservatives to the polls (but that has been disputed), but it also has gotten marriage equality in Massachusetts, DP/CU laws in California, NJ, Connecticut, Maine, Vermont, Hawaii and others.. about a third of the population. ENDA laws in those and other states and cities. We didn't get those rights by being quiet.
I am more than willing to entertain alternative approaches to obtaining our rights. I understand the one step at a time mentality and agree with it more often than not.
But condescending arguments don't cut it and I don't see history backing it up.
Perhaps it would behoove you, if you have made such comments before, to read our stories, learn history and get educated.